Love, Creekwood (Simonverse #3.5)(7)
It was just so, so great to see you guys—wish I could have stayed the whole weekend. I’ve never really just wandered around Athens before, and I’m pretty jealous of you now, because it’s the coolest fucking city on earth. Like that record shop, with all the album art on the wall and all the vintage R.E.M. posters. Leah, I could lock myself inside that store and be happy for the rest of my life.
And thanks for letting me spiral about the Bram thing. I know it’s going to be fine. It’s already fine. I just feel bad I made him feel like he has to hate New York to prove he misses me. And I don’t want him to be sad just because I’m sad.
I mean, I don’t hate it here. It’s just that everything feels so muted without him. It’s so hard to explain it. It’s like, I’m happy sometimes, but there’s a ceiling. Without Bram, I’m never more than 75 percent okay. And, Leah, I’m so scared I’m not up for four years of this. Maybe I made the wrong choice. I do love this school. It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen in real life. And I like my customs group. But I also don’t really feel close to any of them. And it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why. I’m not fully present. I’ve got one foot in New York.
Sorry, I know that’s a lot. You don’t have to reply to any of that. I’m just being a mopehead (my new favorite Nora-ism—can you believe our girl was today years old when she learned that the word’s actually “moped”? I worry about Georgia public schools, I really do). Anyway, good luck with sociology. You’re going to ace the freaking fuck out of it, of course, because you’re you, and because you’re adorably obsessed with that class.
Miss you, Leah.
Love,
Simon
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
DATE: OCT 16 AT 10:01 AM
SUBJECT: RE: BACK IN PHILLY!!
Right, so what’s actually adorable is the thought of you sitting on your little dorm bed typing the words “freaking fuck.” I don’t want to turn your world upside down, Spier, but the whole point of freaking is to avoid saying fuck. Freaking fuck is like ordering a Diet Coke and twenty donuts. Just say fuck, you know? Own it. Live your truth. (I did, by the way, ace the fucking fuck out of that quiz.) Simon, listen to me: I am always, always up for a spiral. Don’t apologize. This is a massive change for you guys, and I can’t begin to imagine what that must feel like. Obviously, my situation right now is the opposite of long-distance, but I’ve definitely thought about the whole being-fully-present thing. My mom always used to talk about how she never really had an Immersive College Experience (aka Baby Me was a cockblock). Anyway, she always said she liked the idea of me starting with a total blank slate—no babies, no relationships. Don’t get me wrong, she’s totally all-in on Abby. But I guess I must have internalized the whole idea of it at some point, because every so often, I find myself asking what parties I’m saying no to because I’d rather stay in with my girlfriend. (And then I remember I’m perfectly fucking fine saying no to parties, girlfriend or no girlfriend.) So what I’m trying to say is I get where you’re coming from, at least about the one-foot-in, one-foot-out feeling. But maybe that’s just what happens when you find a person you like better than the rest of the world. You say yes to your person and no to the world, over and over and over (until you’re old and married, I guess? Jesus Christ, I don’t know).
Anyway, I’m so sorry you’re having such a shitty time with all of this. I really hate how much you’re hurting. But, Simon, you don’t owe anyone your happiness. You know that, right? You can mope around and miss your boyfriend and be sad when he does stuff without you, and that’s a pretty fucking normal way to feel, actually. I’m not saying you should be an asshole to him about it. But don’t be an asshole to yourself either.
I love you, mopehead. Glad you made your flight.
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
DATE: OCT 24 AT 1:19 PM
SUBJECT: HEAR ME OUT
Ms. Burke, I’ve taken all your concerns under advisement, and I have reached the conclusion that I’m on the right side of this issue. I intend to make my final case below. I ask only that you read it with an open mind and heart.
Reasons Why Leah Burke and Abby Suso Need to Be CatDog for Halloween: A Point-by-Point Analysis CatDog is an underappreciated icon, who deserves all the honor and respect in the world after being overlooked for decades (by everyone but my brother, Isaac William Suso, who once had to be talked out of getting a six-inch CatDog tattoo around his bicep. But tattoos, as you can imagine, are a completely different conversation. Might I remind you that Halloween costumes are fleeting and impermanent, much like our very existence?).
CatDog, being both a cat and a dog, is therefore at least twice as creative as any single cat or dog costume.
Built-in conversation starter: CatDog’s bodily functions.
CatDog can be accomplished with the barest shortlist of items (two extra-long yellow T-shirts, yellow tights, felt, glue, poster board, markers, extra fabric, face paint) (okay, it’s not the barest shortlist, but it’s cheaper than a Hogwarts robe).
Literally what could be sexier than a conjoined cat and dog??
Frankly, I kind of dig the idea of being physically attached to you all night.