Love, Creekwood (Simonverse #3.5)(6)
Anyway, I know you’re attempting to go to bed early (and probably failing miserably. I don’t know how anyone sleeps before a six a.m. flight). Did Kellan leave yet? I’m actually really glad I got to meet him. I like him! He’s definitely an odd duck, but it’s endearing. I mean, he clearly believes in ghosts, and I don’t really get the clown thing. But he’s living his truth, and I have to respect that. Also, it was really cool of him to crash in Grover’s room all weekend. ?
So, is it weird knowing you’ll be home tomorrow? I’m sure your parents are going to buy out the entire Oreo display at Publix. It’s pretty wild that they managed to hide the whole thing from Nora. Who knew your dad had it in him? Can’t wait to hear how she reacts when she sees you—and tell her happy birthday from me, okay? I really hate that I’m not coming with you. I still can’t believe you have a full week off, and I’m just stuck here (with two essays due on Friday, no less). But apparently I’m doing an escape room with Ella and her friend Miriam on Saturday (she swears it’s fun, and she thinks I’ll be good at it? I guess we’ll find out!). And then I’ve got a game on Sunday.
Simon, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about soccer. And I’m sorry I had such a hard time explaining in person. I don’t even have a good explanation. I guess I was weirdly embarrassed about it being an intramural league and not the school team. Which is ridiculous, I realize, for so many reasons, beginning with the fact that you’re the literal last person who’d judge me for that (Simon, I’m not even sure you know what intramural sports are). But I felt so self-conscious about it anyway, like maybe I’m not really the soccer kid you fell in love with. And then there were the logistical factors, like how a lot of the games are on Sundays. I didn’t want you to feel like we had to plan our trips around my games (my team knows I’ll have to miss a few, and everyone’s cool with it, I promise).
And, Simon, I think the part that feels shittiest is the fact that I’m actually really, really liking it. Which makes me feel like a terrible boyfriend. I don’t know if that even makes sense. I guess it just feels like if I’m happy here, I’m basically throwing up a giant middle finger at our relationship. I know that’s completely illogical, and I PROMISE it has nothing to do with anything you’ve ever said or done. It’s just my brain being glitchy, like it always is. I don’t think I’ve told you about that first year after we moved, but it was the same kind of thing. I was in this brand new school, in this brand new town, and every decent moment felt like a betrayal of my old life.
I just don’t want you to think I miss you any less, okay? Soccer’s a nice distraction, but you’re the love of my life.
Love,
Blue
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
DATE: OCT 8 AT 12:10 PM
SUBJECT: THE SOCCER KID I FELL IN LOVE WITH
So, I’ve been thinking about your email all morning. God. I don’t even know what to say. I’m just gutted, Bram. I’m so fucking sorry. The fact that you found something good, and I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me. I’m the worst boyfriend on earth. But let me be totally clear: I want you to be happy. And if that’s in New York or New Zealand or Antarctica or Jupiter, so be it. Bram, I love that you’re playing soccer. I love that you’re loving it. I love that you’re happy. I love you, okay? And that’s it. That’s the whole entire point.
So tell me everything. I want to know about your teammates, and whether you get to wear those cute little knee socks, and if you’ll get a trophy with an upside-down gold guy kicking a soccer ball. I want to know if it feels different than it did at Creekwood. Oh, and for the record, I DO know what intramurals are, thank you very much. Did you know I played intramural basketball for six months in middle school? WE EVEN WON A GAME (okay, technically the other team had to forfeit, but it was STILL A WIN).
And in other news, I’m home! Though getting here was a bit of a shitshow. I don’t know why I picked a flight that landed in the middle of Atlanta morning rush hour (okay, I do know why, it was cheap, but GOD. What a mess). Also, my dad took the morning off work to pick me up, and we were going to stop at the Varsity for frosted oranges. But then the Varsity wasn’t even open yet, because apparently Simon and Jack Spier are the only two dumbasses who want milkshakes at ass o’clock in the morning. But Nora’s still at school, of course. Maybe I’ll hide in her room with Bieber and spring up from the bed or something when she walks in there. Is that creepy, genius, or both?
Anyway, soccer kid, go be happy this week. Kick a ball around, hang with Ella, take the subway down to Brooklyn. Fall in love with New York. (And, for the love of god, go to the dining hall! You’re an athlete, go eat some real food!)
I love you more than anything, okay?
Love,
Simon
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
DATE: OCT 14 AT 4:55 PM
SUBJECT: BACK IN PHILLY!!
Hey! Just letting you know I made it (and sorry for all the frantic texts). Holy shit, that was way too close for comfort. I’m surprised they even let me board. I totally had to do the walk of plane shame, where everyone’s just blatantly hoping I won’t take the extra seat they apparently now feel is their birthright. But I’m here, and it’s weirdly nice to be back in my room again. It’s even good to see Kellan. He’s funny, he just asked me how my trip to Shady Creek was, like it’s a normal city people have heard of. Kind of sweet that he remembered that, I guess?