Klara and the Sun(87)
Both Josie and the Mother were away that morning, and so when I heard his tread outside, I saw no reason not to go out and exchange greetings. He wasn’t in his usual hurry to drive away, so we talked for several minutes, a light breeze moving over us, Rick leaning against the body of the Wreck, while I stood just a little way away. The sky was overcast that morning, and that was perhaps why Rick was reminded of that day.
‘Do you remember, Klara,’ he asked, ‘that morning the weather went really strange, and the Sun came right into Josie’s room?’
‘Of course. I’ll never forget that morning.’
‘I often think about it now. It almost seems like that was when Josie first started to get better. Maybe I’ve got this all wrong. But when I look back, it almost feels that way.’
‘Yes. I agree.’
‘You remember that day? We were all so exhausted. And in despair. Then everything turned around. I always wanted to ask you, except you seemed so closed up about it. I always wanted to ask if what happened that morning, all that strange weather, everything else, if it had to do with the other stuff. You know. Me carrying you over the fields, you making some secret deal. At the time, I thought it was all, well, AF superstition. Something just to bring us good luck. But these days, I keep wondering if there was more to it.’
He was watching me carefully, but I said nothing for quite a long time.
‘Unfortunately,’ I said, eventually, ‘I don’t dare speak about this matter, even today. It was such a special favor, and if I speak about it to anyone, even just to Rick, my fear is that the help Josie received will be taken back.’
‘Then stop there. Don’t say anything. I don’t want to open up even a tiny chance of her getting ill again. But the doctors always say once you get through the stage she did, you’re safe.’
‘All the same, we must be cautious, because Josie’s was such a special case. But since Rick is now talking about this matter, perhaps I might mention something related to it that’s been worrying me.’
‘And what’s that, Klara?’
‘Rick and Josie still show kindness to each other. And yet, they’re now preparing such different futures.’
He turned towards the rise in the road, his hand playing with the Wreck’s wing mirror. ‘I think I follow you,’ he said. ‘I’m remembering that day, the second time we went over to the barn. How before we went, you became very serious and asked if our love was genuine. The love between me and Josie. And I think I told you it was real. Real and everlasting. So I’m guessing that’s what you’re now worrying about.’
‘Rick is correct. It brings me anxiety to see Rick and Josie with such separate plans.’
He gently prodded the loose stones before him with his foot. Then he said: ‘Look. I don’t want you to say anything to put Josie’s health at risk again. But let me say this much. When you passed it on that Josie and I really loved each other, that was the truth at the time. No one can claim you misled or tricked them. But now we’re no longer kids, we have to wish each other the best and go our different ways. It couldn’t have worked out, me going to college, trying to compete with all those lifted kids. I’ve got my own plans now, and that’s how it should be. But that was no lie, Klara. And in a funny way, it still isn’t a lie now.’
‘I wonder what Rick can mean by that?’
‘I suppose I’m saying Josie and I will always be together at some level, some deeper one, even if we go out there and don’t see each other any more. I can’t speak for her. But once I’m out there, I know I’ll always keep searching for someone just like her. At least like the Josie I once knew. So it wasn’t ever a deception, Klara. Whoever that was you were dealing with back then, if they could see right into my heart, and right into Josie’s, they’d know you weren’t trying to pull some fast one.’
After that we stood there on the loose stones, not talking for a little while. I thought at any moment he would straighten and get into the Wreck. But he asked, in a lighter voice:
‘Do you ever hear from Melania? Someone said she went to Indiana.’
‘We believe she’s now in California. When we last heard from her, she was hoping to be accepted by a community there.’
‘I used to be so afraid of that lady. But I got kind of used to her. I hope she’s okay. And that she finds somewhere safe. And what about you, Klara? Are you going to be okay? I mean, once Josie leaves for college.’
‘The Mother is always very kind to me.’
‘Look, if you ever need my help, you just say, okay?’
‘Yes. Thank you.’
As I sit here on this hard ground, I have been thinking again about Rick’s words that morning and I’m sure he is correct. I no longer fear that the Sun will feel cheated or misled, or that he will consider retribution. In fact, it could be that even as I was making my plea to him, he already knew Josie and Rick were bound to go their separate ways, and yet understood that, despite everything, their love would last. When he’d posed his question – about children really understanding what it meant to love – I believe he was already sure of the answer and was simply raising the question for my benefit. I even think, at that moment, he may have been thinking about the Coffee Cup Lady and Raincoat Man – after all, we’d been talking about them the previous moment. Perhaps the Sun was supposing that after many years, and after many changes, Josie and Rick might once again meet as the Coffee Cup Lady and Raincoat Man had done.