Klara and the Sun(85)
‘Please go right ahead, Mrs Arthur.’
‘I was wondering if right now you might be feeling like you’re the winner. Like maybe you’ve won.’
‘I don’t understand, Mrs Arthur.’
‘I’ve always treated you okay, haven’t I, Rick? I hope I have.’
‘You certainly have. You’ve always been very kind. And a great friend to my mother.’
‘So I’m now asking you. I’m asking you, Rick, if you feel like you’ve come out the winner. Josie took the gamble. Okay, I shook the dice for her, but it was always going to be her, not me, who won or lost. She bet high, and if Dr Ryan’s right, she might soon be about to lose. But you, Rick, you played it safe. So that’s why I’m asking you. How does this feel to you just now? Do you really feel like a winner?’
The Mother had said all this while staring at the dark sky, but she now turned to face Rick.
‘Because if you’re feeling like the winner, Rick, I’d like you to reflect on this. First. What exactly do you believe you’ve won here? I ask because everything about Josie, from the moment I first held her, everything about her told me she was hungry for life. The whole world excited her. That’s how I knew from the start I couldn’t deny her the chance. She was demanding a future worthy of her spirit. That’s what I mean when I say she played for high stakes. Now what about you, Rick? Do you really think you were so smart? Do you believe of the two of you, you’ve come out the winner? Because if that’s so, then please ask yourself this. What is it you’ve won? Take a look. Take a look at your future.’ She waved a hand at the window. ‘You played for low stakes and what you’ve won is small and mean. You may feel pretty smug just now. But I’m here to tell you, you’ve got no reason to be feeling that way. No reason at all.’
While the Mother had been speaking, something had ignited in Rick’s face, something dangerous, till he was looking very much as he’d done during the interaction meeting when he’d challenged the boys wanting to throw me across the room. He now took a step towards the Mother, and suddenly she too seemed to feel alarm.
‘Mrs Arthur,’ Rick said. ‘Most times I’ve come here lately, Josie hasn’t been well enough to talk. But last Thursday she had a good day, and I was sitting close by the bed so I wouldn’t miss anything. And what she said was that she wanted to give me a message. A message for you, Mrs Arthur, but one she wasn’t ready for you to hear. What I mean is, she was asking me to hold this message for her till the correct time. Well, I’m thinking perhaps now’s the correct time.’
The Mother’s eyes became large and filled with fear, but she said nothing.
‘Josie’s message,’ Rick went on, ‘was something like this. She says that no matter what happens now, never mind how it plays out, she loves you and will always love you. She’s very grateful you’re her mother and she never even once wished for any other. That’s what she said. And there was more. On this question of being lifted. She wants you to know she wouldn’t wish it any other way. If she had the power to do it again, and this time it was up to her, she says she’d do exactly what you did and you’ll always be the best mother she could have. That’s about it. As I say, she didn’t want me to pass it on until the correct time. So I’m hoping I’ve judged this right, Mrs Arthur, telling you now.’
The Mother stared expressionlessly at Rick, but while he’d been speaking, I’d spotted something – something possibly very important – through the large windows behind her, and now, taking advantage of Rick’s pause, I raised my hand. The Mother ignored me and went on staring at Rick.
‘That’s some message,’ she said finally.
‘Excuse me,’ I said.
‘Jesus,’ the Mother said, and sighed quietly. ‘That’s some message.’
‘Excuse me!’ This time I’d almost shouted, and both the Mother and Rick turned my way. ‘I’m sorry to interrupt. But there’s something occurring outside. The Sun’s coming out!’
The Mother glanced at the large windows, then back at me. ‘Sure. So what? What’s the matter with you, honey?’
‘We must go upstairs. We must go up to Josie straight away!’
The Mother and Rick had been looking at me with puzzled expressions, but when I said this, they looked fearful, and even as I turned towards the hall, they both rushed past me, so that I found myself hurrying up the staircase behind them.
They may not have understood why I’d called out as I had, and perhaps believed Josie was in sudden danger. So when they burst into the bedroom, they must have been relieved to find her asleep as before, breathing steadily. She was lying on her side as she often did, her face mostly hidden by the hair falling over it. There was nothing unexpected about Josie herself, but the room was another matter. The Sun’s patterns were falling over various sections of wall, floor and ceiling with unusual intensity – a deep orange triangle above the dresser, a bright curved line crossing the Button Couch, brilliant bars across the carpet. But Josie herself, in her bed, was in shadow, as were many other parts of the room. Then the shadows started to move and I realized – my vision adjusting – that they were being created by Melania Housekeeper, standing at the front window, tugging at the blind and the curtains. The blind was already fully lowered, and she was pulling the curtains over it to form a double layer, and yet the piercing light was somehow coming past the edges to create the shapes around the room.