Klara and the Sun(29)

‘Maybe Miss Josie make it.’

‘What’s that?’

‘I help her. AF too. Miss Josie all right. Maybe.’

‘Let me get this right. Is this your assessment? That my daughter is well enough to spend the day out? At the falls? This gives me concern about you, Melania.’

Melania Housekeeper was silent, but still she didn’t move.

‘Melania? Am I to understand you’re refusing to get out to help Josie disembark?’

Melania Housekeeper was looking out between the front seats at the road ahead. Her face looked puzzled, like something further up the hill was hard to identify. Then suddenly she opened her door and got out.



‘Mom,’ Josie said. ‘Please can we go? Please don’t do this.’

‘Do you think I like this? Any of this? Okay, you’re sick. That’s not your fault. But not telling anyone. Keeping it to yourself this way, so we all get in the car, the whole day before us. That’s not nice, Josie.’

‘It’s not nice you telling me I’m sick when I’m easily strong enough…’

Melania Housekeeper opened the door beside Josie from the outside. Josie fell silent, then her face, full of sadness, looked round the edge of the car seat at me.

‘I’m sorry, Klara. We’ll go another time. I promise. I’m really so sorry.’

‘It’s all right,’ I said. ‘We must do what’s best for Josie.’

I was about to get out also, but then the Mother said:

‘Just a second, Klara. Like Josie says. You were looking forward to this. Well, why don’t you stay right where you are?’

‘I’m sorry. I don’t understand.’

‘Well, it’s simple. Josie’s too sick to go. She might have told us that earlier, but she chose not to. Okay, so she stays behind. Melania too. But no reason, Klara, why you and I can’t still go.’

I couldn’t see the Mother’s face because the seat backs were high. But Josie’s face was still peering round the edge of her seat at me. Her eyes had become dull, as if they no longer cared what they saw.

‘Okay, Melania,’ the Mother said in a louder voice. ‘Help Josie out. Careful with her. She’s sick, remember.’

‘Klara?’ Josie said. ‘Are you really going with her to the falls?’

‘The Mother’s suggestion is very kind,’ I said. ‘But perhaps it would be best if this time…’

‘Hold on, Klara,’ the Mother cut in. Then she said: ‘What is this, Josie? One moment you’re concerned about Klara, how she’s never seen a waterfall. Now you’re trying to make her stay home?’



Josie went on looking at me, and Melania Housekeeper continued to stand outside the car, a hand held out for Josie to take. Finally Josie said:

‘Okay. Maybe you should go, Klara. You and Mom. What’s the sense in the whole day getting spoiled just because…I’m sorry. Sorry I’m sick all the time. I don’t know why…’ I thought tears would come then, but she held them back and went on quietly: ‘Sorry, Mom. I really am. I must be such a downer. Klara, you go on. You’ll love the waterfall.’ Then her face disappeared from the edge of the seat.

For a second I was uncertain what to do. Both the Mother and Josie had now expressed the view that I should remain in the car and go on the outing. And I could see how likely it was, if I were to do so, that I would gain new, perhaps crucial insights concerning Josie’s situation, and how I might best help her. And yet her sadness, as she walked back over the loose stones, was very clear. Her walk, now she had nothing to hide, was fragile, and she made no fuss about receiving Melania Housekeeper’s support.

We watched Melania Housekeeper unlock the front door and the two of them go inside. Then the Mother started the car and we began to move.



* * *



—

Because it was my first time inside a car, I couldn’t make a good estimate of our speed. It seemed to me the Mother drove unusually fast, and for a moment fear came into my mind, but I remembered she drove up the same hill every day, and so wasn’t likely to cause dangers. I concentrated on the trees rushing by, and the large openings that would suddenly appear on one side then the other, through which I could see treetops from above. Then the road was no longer climbing, and the car crossed a large field, empty except for a barn in the far distance quite like the one visible from Josie’s window.



Then the Mother spoke for the first time. Because she was driving, she didn’t turn to me in the back, and if I hadn’t been the only one present inside the vehicle, I might not have guessed she was addressing me.

‘They always do this. Toy with your feelings.’ Then a moment later she said: ‘Maybe it looks like I’m being hard. But how else will they learn? They have to learn we have feelings too.’ Then a while later: ‘Does she think I like being away from her, day after fucking day?’

There were now other cars, and unlike outside the store, they were traveling in both directions. One would appear in the far distance and come speeding towards us, but the drivers never made errors and always managed to miss us. Soon the scenes were changing so rapidly around me I had difficulty ordering them. At one stage a box became filled with the other cars, while the boxes immediately beside it filled with segments of road and surrounding field. I did my best to preserve the smooth line of the road as it moved from one box into the next, but with the view constantly changing, I decided this wasn’t possible, and allowed the road to break and start afresh each time it crossed a border. Despite all these problems, the scope of the view and the hugeness of the sky were very exciting. The Sun was often behind clouds, but I sometimes saw his patterns falling right the way across a valley or sweep of land.