Klara and the Sun(32)

‘No. Josie would be more…like this.’

The Mother leaned closer over the tabletop and her eyes narrowed till her face filled eight boxes, leaving only the peripheral boxes for the waterfall, and for a moment it felt to me her expression varied between one box and the next. In one, for instance, her eyes were laughing cruelly, but in the next they were filled with sadness. The sounds of the waterfall, the children and the dogs all faded to a hush to make way for whatever the Mother was about to say.



‘That’s good. That’s very good. But now I want you to move. Do something. Don’t stop being Josie. Let me see you move a little.’

I smiled in the way Josie would, settling into a slouching, informal posture.

‘That’s good. Now say something. Let me hear you speak.’

‘I’m sorry. I’m not sure…’

‘No. That’s Klara. I want Josie.’

‘Hi, Mom. Josie here.’

‘Good. More. Come on.’

‘Hi, Mom. Nothing to worry about, right? I got here and I’m fine.’

The Mother leaned even further across the table, and I could see joy, fear, sadness, laughter in the boxes. Because everything else had gone silent, I could hear her repeating under her breath: ‘That’s good, that’s good, that’s good.’

‘I told you I’d be fine,’ I said. ‘Melania was right. Nothing wrong with me. A little tired, that’s all.’

‘I’m sorry, Josie,’ the Mother said. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t bring you here today.’

‘That’s okay. I know you were worried for me. I’m okay.’

‘I wish you were here. But you’re not. I wish I could stop you getting sick.’

‘Don’t worry, Mom. I’m going to be fine.’

‘How can you say that? What do you know about it? You’re just a kid. A kid who loves life and believes everything can be fixed. What do you know about it?’

‘It’s okay, Mom, don’t worry. I’ll get well soon. I know how it’ll happen too.’



‘What? What are you saying? You think you know more than the doctors? More than I do? Your sister made promises too. But she couldn’t keep them. Don’t you do the same.’

‘But Mom. Sal was sick with something different. I’m going to get well.’

‘Okay, Josie. So tell me how you’ll get well.’

‘There’s special help coming. Something no one’s thought of yet. Then I’ll be well again.’

‘What is this? Who’s this talking?’

Now, in box after box, I could see the cheekbones of the Mother’s face very pronounced beneath her skin.

‘Really, Mom. I’m going to be fine.’

‘That’s enough. Enough!’

The Mother stood up and walked away. I could then see the waterfall again, and its noise – as well as that of the people behind me – returned louder than ever.

The Mother stopped near the wooden rail marking where the ground finished and the waterfall began. I could see the mist hanging before her and I thought she would become wet in moments, but she continued standing with her back to me. Then at last she turned and waved.

‘Klara. Come on over here. Come and take a look.’

I got up from the bench and went to her. She’d called me ‘Klara’ so I knew I shouldn’t attempt any more to imitate Josie. She gestured for me to come closer still.

‘See, take a look. You’ve never seen a waterfall before. So take a look. What do you think?’

‘It’s wonderful. Much more impressive than in the magazine.’

‘Something special, right? I’m glad you’re seeing it. Now let’s get back. I’m concerned about Josie.’

The Mother didn’t speak for the entire way back down to the car. She walked quickly, always at least four paces ahead, and I had to take care not to make errors on the steep downhill path. As we passed the spot where we’d seen the bull, I looked over the field right into the distance, but the terrible creature was now nowhere to be seen, and I wondered if it had been taken back down into the ground.



* * *



—



When we reached the car, I began to get into my usual seat, but the Mother said:

‘Travel in the front. You’ll see better.’

So I got in beside her, and it was like the difference between mid-store and the window. We descended across the fields, the Sun visible between clouds, and I observed how the tall trees on the horizon gathered in tight groups of seven or eight, even though all around them there was emptiness. The car followed a long thin line across the land, and I saw that what at first had appeared to be part of a distant field’s pattern was in fact sheep. We passed one field containing more than forty such creatures, and although we were moving very fast, I was able to see that each one of them was filled with kindness – the exact opposite of the terrible bull from earlier. My gaze fell in particular on four sheep that looked even more gentle than the others. They’d arranged themselves on the grass in a neat row, one after the other, as though proceeding on a journey. But I could tell, even though we were passing quickly, that they were in fact standing quite still, aside from the small movements of their mouths as they ate the grass.