Klara and the Sun(25)
‘Rick came because Josie very much wanted him to come.’
‘She insisted I came. But I suppose she’s too busy now to come back in here, see how I’m enjoying this part of the party.’ He leaned back into the sofa till the Sun’s pattern was over his face, obliging him to close his eyes. ‘The trouble is,’ he went on, ‘she doesn’t stay the same. I thought if I came today – stupid, really – I thought she might not…change. Might stay the same Josie.’
When he said this, I saw again Josie’s hands at various points during the interaction meeting – welcome hands, offering hands, tension hands – and her face, and her voice when someone had asked why she hadn’t chosen a B3 and she’d laughed and said, ‘Now I’m starting to think I should have.’ And Manager’s words came into my mind, her warning about children who made promises at the window, yet never returned, or worse still, returned and chose another AF altogether. I thought about the boy AF I’d seen through the gap between the slow taxis, walking despondently along the RPO Building side, three paces behind his teenager, and I wondered if Josie and I would ever walk in such a way.
‘Perhaps you can see now,’ Rick said, opening his eyes despite the Sun’s pattern. ‘See how I need to save Josie from this lot.’
‘I can see Rick is afraid Josie might become like the others. But even though she behaved strangely just now, I believe Josie is kind underneath. And those other children. They have rough ways, but they may not be so unkind. They fear loneliness and that’s why they behave as they do. Perhaps Josie too.’
‘If Josie hangs out with them much more, she soon won’t be Josie at all. Somewhere she knows that herself, and that’s why she keeps on about our plan. For ages she’d forgotten about it, but now she talks about it all the time.’
‘I heard Josie mention this plan the other day. Is it a plan about Rick and Josie sharing a future together?’
He looked past me out of the Open Plan’s window, and I thought his hostility towards me had returned. But then he said:
‘It’s just something we started when we were young. Before we realized how it would be. How all these things could get in our way. Even so, Josie still believes in it.’
‘And Rick still believes in the plan too?’
He now looked directly at me. ‘Like I say. Without the plan, she’s going to end up becoming one of them. I’d better go.’ He rose suddenly. ‘Before those kids come back. Or that crazy mother.’
‘I hope we can soon talk again about these matters. Because I believe in many ways Rick and I have similar goals.’
‘Look, the other day. When I said about not wanting Josie to have an AF. It wasn’t anything personal. It was just…well, it felt like something else that would get in our way.’
‘I hope not. In fact now I understand more, I’d like to do my best to help with Rick and Josie’s plan. Perhaps help remove the obstacles you talk about.’
‘I’d better go. Check my mum’s all right.’
‘Of course.’
He walked past me, and out of the Open Plan. I took a few steps forward so I could watch him go out through the front door and into the Sun’s brightness.
* * *
—
As I said to Rick that day, the interaction meeting had been a source of valuable new observations. I had, for one thing, learned about Josie’s ability to ‘change’ – as Rick had put it – and I watched carefully for signs of her doing so again. I wondered too how much she really did wish she’d chosen a B3. Her remark had most likely been intended as a humorous one, to keep back the threat of disharmony during the meeting. Even so, it was true B3s had capabilities beyond my own, and I had to consider the possibility that Josie might sometimes entertain such ideas in her mind.
In the days following the meeting, I worried also about how Josie might view my failure to respond to the long-armed girl’s questions. In the situation that had developed – and in the absence of clear signals from Josie – I’d taken the course I’d considered to be for the best. But it now occurred to me Josie might, after a period of reflection, become angry with me.
For all these reasons, I feared the interaction meeting might place shadows over our friendship. But as the days went by, Josie remained as cheerful and kind to me as she’d ever been. I waited for her to bring up the events of the meeting, but she never did so.
As I say, these were helpful lessons for me. Not only had I learned that ‘changes’ were a part of Josie, and that I should be ready to accommodate them, I’d begun to understand also that this wasn’t a trait peculiar just to Josie; that people often felt the need to prepare a side of themselves to display to passers-by – as they might in a store window – and that such a display needn’t be taken so seriously once the moment had passed.
I was happy then that nothing changed between us on account of the meeting. However, not long afterwards, something else came along which did for a time make our friendship less warm. This was the trip to Morgan’s Falls, and it came to trouble me because I couldn’t for a long time see how it had created coldness between us, or how I might have avoided such a thing happening.
* * *