Her One Mistake(56)

I fidgeted and looked down at my untouched sandwich. Brian might not be the person I thought I’d end up with, and maybe I didn’t always feel like I got things right. It was true I managed to upset him quite regularly. Just the night before, he’d questioned why I never showed him much affection.

“Why don’t we ever see Brian?” she’d persisted. “He turns up to collect you, but he never comes out. Nor do you, much.”

“I do,” I’d protested. I couldn’t tell her Brian couldn’t stand Tina’s brash sense of humor or how her loudness grated on him. “In fact, I’m coming to the end-of-term drinks on Friday,” I announced suddenly, knowing I’d get away with it because Brian was, unusually, away overnight at a conference.

That Friday evening, as Tina downed her sixth glass of Pinot Grigio, she’d slurred at me, “Brian has a weird hold over you.”

I brushed her off, though her words stayed with me, and a few months later when Brian and I had a row, I ended up walking out of our flat and staying at hers.

“I can’t believe what I’ve just done,” I’d told her. I was shaking. I’d never stood up to him before. Brian wanted me to cut my hours at school, but for once I wouldn’t agree. I loved my job and had even just been offered a promotion. “Mrs. Mayer’s job,” I’d explained to Tina.

“What’s the problem with that?” she’d asked. “And you should totally go for it. You could do that job with your eyes shut.”

That was what I’d thought, only Brian wanted me home more.

Tina choked on her wine, managing to spit a mouthful back into her glass. “You’re kidding, right?”

I wasn’t. He told me I should be more of a homemaker than a career woman, and asked me if I wanted our marriage to work, because if I did, I was going the wrong way about it.

But as Tina had continued to vilify Brian, I found myself drawing away from her, unable to defend my husband but increasingly anxious to do so. He was still the man I loved, and I didn’t think he was as controlling as she said. I needed to believe he was only worried for my sake, because if I didn’t, then what else was wrong with our marriage?

By the time Brian had turned up at Tina’s door, I was ready to run back into his arms and tell him I loved him. I wouldn’t go for the promotion, I’d assured him, but I stood my ground: I wasn’t prepared to give up any hours.

? ? ?

I TRIED IGNORING how much he continued to obsess over Tina and how she’d influenced me so easily. How unhappy I’d made him putting my friends and my so-called career first. At the time I was just pleased I’d stood up for myself, though deep down I knew he felt betrayed.

What I never expected, when I was back at school three weeks later after Easter, was for Brian to pick me up and tell me we weren’t going home to our flat anymore. “Surprise! I’ve bought you your dream, Harriet,” he’d said, clapping his hands.

“You’ve what?” I’d laughed. “What are you talking about?”

“We are moving, my love,” he’d said, straight-faced and carefully monitoring my reaction. “Everything is packed already, so you don’t need to worry about a thing.”

“But I like our flat,” I’d told him, watching his face fall. “You’re having me on, Brian.” I giggled nervously.

“No, I am not. I’ve bought us a house by the sea in Dorset. We are starting again. A new life,” he’d told me, a little more despondently than the conversation had started.

“But—” I began. “You mean you’ve sold our flat and bought a new house? You can’t have.” But I knew that was exactly what he had done, and because it was all in his name, he didn’t need me to approve it. “Why?”

Brian looked at me carefully. “It’s just going to be me and you, Harriet,” he’d said. “Isn’t that what you want?”

It took a long time for me to understand how threatened Brian had been, how close someone had come to seeing him for the man he was. Someone who, in his eyes, was turning me against him. I stood up to him. I refused to let my job go. It was Tina’s fault: it couldn’t have possibly been my decision.

Other friends had been more easily disposed of, but one of the reasons Brian disliked Tina was because she was so dogged. When Brian moved us to Dorset, he knew he couldn’t let that happen again. He needed another way to ensure I wouldn’t slip away from him. Having his daughter wasn’t enough. He needed me to believe that without him I wouldn’t survive. So he chipped away at me until I doubted my own sanity. How could I leave when I was so reliant on Brian or had no money of my own? How could I leave when he’d set it up so he could effortlessly prove I couldn’t be trusted to look after my daughter?

As I pressed on toward Cornwall, I ignored the unsettling feeling Brian might have been right. If I could be trusted, I would know where Alice was right now. Instead I was heading to a place I’d only ever seen on the internet.

“It’s dirt cheap,” he’d told me, pointing to the pictures on the rental website. “It’s tucked away on a lane that’s pretty much deserted. There are only three cottages and no one bothers you. No one even goes down there.”

I shuddered at the mismatched furniture and the old-fashioned stand-alone units in the kitchen. The backyard was long and much larger than Alice was used to, but it was also overgrown and untidy, and I couldn’t imagine what she would have made of it when she was taken there from the fair.