Her One Mistake(53)

There are plenty of things I forget, but never before has it put my daughter in danger.

This morning I asked Alice if she remembered her bath last night and if she enjoyed it. She looked at me oddly, but then it was an odd question. I tickled her in the ribs until she giggled and told her I was just wondering if I’d left her on her own, saying I was very sorry if I had because I should never do that.

She said I hadn’t, that I never leave her on her own.

My heart was beating so hard. It still is. I reminded her to always tell me off if I do and as an afterthought asked if maybe she’d told Daddy something about her bath.

Alice started giggling again, but not like she was when I tickled her. This time she was nervous and said Brian hadn’t seen her last night because she was hiding behind the sofa. Apparently she stayed there until he came upstairs to talk to me.

Her little face paled when she asked if she did something wrong. I assured her she hadn’t. Not at all.

I don’t think either of us have.

I must remember to ask Alice why she was hiding behind the sofa. It seems a strange thing for her to do.





HARRIET


The day I left Alice with Charlotte I knew that if everything went to plan, my friend would not be bringing her home. On the drive to her house I couldn’t take my eyes off Alice through the rearview mirror. I wanted to soak up every part of her because I didn’t know how long it would be until I saw her again.

Under her left arm, Alice clutched Hippo tightly. Her head was bent toward him and every so often her right thumb slipped toward her mouth until she realized what she was doing and pulled it away again. We’d talked about how sucking thumbs wasn’t good for her teeth. At some point between home and Charlotte’s house, Hippo had slipped out of her grip and fallen between her seat and the door. I didn’t notice she wasn’t holding him as I led her up Charlotte’s driveway.

I rang the doorbell and looked up at the bedroom window where the curtains were still closed. I’d been looking for signs that I shouldn’t do this. Anything to tell me that even though I had gotten this far, my plan was ludicrous and wouldn’t work. If Charlotte had forgotten she was having Alice, I thought, pressing the doorbell again, then that would be a sign. I couldn’t do this without Charlotte.

Alice sank into my side and I pulled her tighter against me. Each time I inhaled, my breaths felt sharp, like they were stabbing the inside of my chest. “You’ll be safe, Alice,” I murmured for my benefit as much as hers. I was doing this to keep us both safe.

When Charlotte appeared, still in her pajamas, my heart plummeted with dread that it was all going to go wrong. I considered telling her I’d had a change of heart and was coming to the fair with them. She wouldn’t bat an eyelid. She probably expected me to back out of leaving Alice anyway.

Charlotte gabbled away, unconscious of Evie yelling in the background as Alice sank deeper into me. But if I pulled out now, what would we do? I had been through it so many times. There were no other options.

I bent down and told Alice yet again she would be safe. I must have looked so jumpy to Charlotte, but she tried to brush over it, telling me they would all have fun and how exciting it was that I was taking a class in bookkeeping.

I knew she didn’t believe that. Neither of us did. Being crammed in a hotel for a day-long class was nothing more than an alibi. It was also an explanation Brian would fall for when he’d demand to know why I hadn’t told him I was leaving Alice with someone else. The police would find the final notices he’d hidden from me in his bedside drawer. They’d hopefully see the itemized receipts I’d needed to produce that were neatly folded under his pants. No one could question I was only trying to help. What they hopefully wouldn’t find was the rainy day money I’d squirreled away in a box, buried under a tree next to the sandpit.

Eventually I let go of Alice and walked away. I didn’t turn back. I couldn’t let either of them see the tears that flowed down my face, leaking into my mouth. It was the bravest thing I had ever done, but I’d never felt so frightened.

? ? ?

AT 1 P.M. on Thursday afternoon, twelve days after the fair and three hours before Angela would arrive, I left the house with the bare essentials, which were little more than a small amount of cash, Alice’s Hippo, a toothbrush, and my notebook. I still hoped I wouldn’t have to make the four-hour journey to find my daughter, because I knew how much I was risking by leaving. I hoped I would track them down before I got out of Dorset. My phone wasn’t working, thanks to it sinking to the bottom of the tub, so I was reliant on stopping at pay phones.

I prayed my call would be answered the next time I tried. I refused to dwell on the fact it had already been twenty-four hours since he hadn’t picked up, and what that meant.

My hands trembled against the wheel as I drove. In my rearview mirror Hippo smiled back at me from Alice’s car seat. She would be over the moon to get him back, but I didn’t know if I could leave him with her. Would Angela notice he was missing?

“Shit.” I thumped my hands against the steering wheel, stinging the flesh. This was all going horribly wrong. Whatever I did from now on, there would be too many consequences, and if I couldn’t get ahold of him my head wouldn’t be straight enough to think clearly.

After fifteen minutes I was almost on the outskirts of Dorset when I spotted a pay phone on a side street and pulled over. As I dialed the pay-as-you-go number I’d memorized, I knew that if there was no response I would need to drive all the way to Cornwall to find the cottage I had only ever seen pictures of.