Every Wrong Reason(83)

I pulled up Google on my phone. Was it possible to hire a witch doctor to hoodoo the shit out of my house and at the same time give me a non-life-threatening trip to the emergency room?

Chicago area witch doctors.

My phone rang, changing the screen to Kara’s name. I answered with a sigh. “Hey.”

“You sound glum.”

I decided it was better to go with the truth. “The only witch doctors Google pulled up are on LinkedIn. I swore to myself I would never get a LinkedIn profile. I don’t care how many emails they send me a day.”

“You’ve lost your mind,” she laughed. “You’re officially crazy.”

“I’m not crazy,” I argued. “I just want the flu or maybe malaria. Typhoid would be fine.”

There were thirty seconds of complete silence before Kara recovered. “Please don’t bring typhoid to school with you. I’m not sure if our health plan covers typhoid.”

“If I find the right witch doctor, you’re not going to have to worry about a thing. It will be an isolated incident. I just decided that I don’t really want to kill thousands of people.”

“Kate?”

“Yeah?”

“As your therapist, I’m going to need you to separate yourself from your delusions and tell me five real things that happened in your life this morning.”

Surprised laughter bubbled up inside me and I started to feel just the tiniest bit better. “Unfortunately you’re not my therapist. Also, does that work with your students?”

“How should I know? I just made that shit up.”

“I’m impressed.”

“Thanks! But if we’re honest, most of what I use is made up.”

“Wow, K. Summa cum laude from Northwestern is really coming in handy, huh?”

She let out a dramatic sigh, “I do what I can.” With a delicate throat clear she added, “And it was magna cum laude. I was off by three-tenths of a point.”

“My apologies.”

“You are forgiven.” Another pause. “Are you coming to school today?”

“No.”

“Mediation?”

“Yes.”

“This is your second sick day this week.”

“This one was planned.”

She made a tsking sound with her tongue and then said, “Give him hell.”

It was my turn to fidget nervously. I hadn’t told Kara any of the drama with Nick other than he had come to the vet when Annie got hit and taken me home. But I could tell she knew something went down. She had been giving me funny looks all week. I also knew she was holding her tongue for my sake, but part of me had wanted her to demand to know what went on.

I was dying to tell someone. I wanted to hear an outside opinion. I wanted her advice, her perspective, her curse words.

But I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. Instead of blurting out what had happened, I kept it locked tightly inside of me. I felt like I had to protect it… protect Nick. Even if Kara would have ended up on his side of the argument, I was reluctant to put our marriage, or what was left of it, on trial.

I was tired of other people’s opinions. I was tired of looking elsewhere for answers and ignoring the strong, still voice inside me.

I was sick and tired of dissecting every single thing that Nick did wrong and giving it to a jury of my peers to decide how to feel for me.

I needed to figure this out for myself. And fast.

When I didn’t respond to Kara, she backed off and said, “Or give him really polite, pleasant discussion.”

I laughed, despite the seriousness of my thoughts. “I’m honestly not sure what he’s going to get out of me today. I guess I’ll decide when I get there.”

She gasped, “You don’t mean the house? Not Annie. You really have lost your mind. Oh, my god, did you already call the witch doctor?”

“Stop,” I laughed. “You’re the crazy one. Not me.”

“I trust you, Kate. You know that I do. But this year has been emotionally draining for you. I just don’t want to see you get hurt because you’re tired. Promise me, you’ll be careful today… that you’ll think everything through? Even if it’s hard and you don’t feel up to it?”

Now those were some words I could live by. “I promise.” And I meant it. I would do exactly as she asked. “Thanks for being such a good friend.”

“Mwah! Love you. Good luck today.”

“Thanks. Love you too.”

We disconnected and I felt marginally better.

Marginally.

As in just barely.

Most of me was still a pile of nerves and sweating pits.

I had taken the day off because I was tired of rushing into mediation after school and I was tired of mediation affecting my teaching and thoughts and general motor functions all day long.

So today I took it easy. Annie still needed twenty-four-hour care, so she had spent the last couple days with my parents while I taught. I was going to pick her up after mediation today and keep her for the weekend.

For all of their faults, my parents were really good with her. I knew she was in good hands and they were surprisingly good-willed about keeping her for me.

I hadn’t told Nick about it because I wasn’t quite sure what he would have said.