Every Wrong Reason(78)

I was sure she did. But the possibility of losing Annie felt like the absolute worst kind of pain. I couldn’t believe that anyone loved his or her pet as much as I did. Nobody else would feel it this acutely.

Nick grabbed my hand and pulled me after Dr. Miller. We followed her back to the post-op room where Annie was laid out on a metal table. Her fur had been cleaned everywhere and shaved where she needed stitches. Her middle was wrapped tightly. Her rounded chest moved up and down, stuttering a little in between her shallow breaths.

“It’s hard for her to breathe right now,” Dr. Miller explained. “But that will heal.”

Nick asked some logistical questions about home care while I walked to her side and gently trailed my fingertips over her plush ear. “Hi, baby girl,” I whispered. Tears sprang up in my eyes and fell before I could stop them. “I’m so sorry.” She made a whimpering noise and lifted her nose as if she could smell me. I spread my fingers out on her back and buried them in the thick softness of her fur.

Nick sidled up to me, pressing his chest into my side. He reached out and covered my hand with his. “You’re a tough one, Annie girl,” he murmured. “Small but fierce.”

The sincerity in his voice did something inside me. It felt like a wrecking ball as it crashed through my system, upheaving everything I thought I knew about life, love and living.

“You didn’t drive here, did you?” he asked me. His fingers moved over mine, stroking gently. I didn’t know if he was caressing Annie or me.

“Mrs. Dunn dropped me off.”

“Come on, then,” he murmured. His lips were right at my ear when he said, “I’ll give you a ride home.”

He took my hand and led me to the receptionist desk. I stood there dumbly while he filled out some paperwork and handed over his credit card. There was some small part of me that suggested I object to this. I should pay for this, right? I wasn’t even sure what exactly he was paying for.

I realized I didn’t have my wallet, though. I only had my cellphone and house keys. My purse was still at home.

Nick finished up with the receptionist and led me outside. The late afternoon had turned to dusky evening. The breeze had chilled again and the wet puddles of melted snow were starting to freeze.

I shivered against the change of weather. My jacket wasn’t enough to keep out the chill.

Nick noticed immediately, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me against his body. I loved the feel of his skin through his cotton shirt. I loved the hardness to his body, the lean muscle he worked so hard to keep. I loved that this was so familiar, that this was what I needed.

We reached his old Subaru Forester and I couldn’t help but smile. His car was even older than mine and had a bajillion miles on it. It was actually a decently reliable car, but it was just so old. He had always threatened that once it died for good, he was going to buy an old conversion van for the band.

Thank God it had never come to that while we were still together.

He opened the door for me and I climbed into the achingly familiar cab. I settled back in my seat and inhaled the scent that was his car, that was him, that was him in his car and years and years of memories.

He walked around the front and climbed in next to me. With a sly grin, he asked, “Did you miss her?”

I found myself smiling back. “I think I did.”

He looked forward again and started the car. The radio was on softly and he pointed to it, “This is a band I’m thinking about going to listen to.”

I sat quietly while the haunting sound filled the car. The girl had one of those instantly memorable voices, smoky, sexy and ethereal all at the same time. The instrumentation was incredibly good as well. There was something missing, though.

Nick noticed and said, “They need drums. And they need to grow up a little. But they’re good.”

“They are good,” I agreed.

I felt his eyes on me, but I couldn’t look at him. A sudden strong punch of sorrow hit my gut and I didn’t know how to recover from it.

I realized this was the only glimpse of Nick’s new life I would get. I gave him up. I gave this up. We would never talk music again. I wouldn’t get to go to shows with him anymore or listen to bands he wanted to go see. I wouldn’t get to hear him play his guitar or make up new lyrics to songs on the radio-usually about something dirty.

I wouldn’t get to see him live out this new leg of his life. I wouldn’t see him in his dream job or where it would take him. I would miss it all.

I was choosing to miss it all.

He pulled into the driveway and I couldn’t let the night end. I couldn’t let him leave me. I wasn’t ready for it yet. The car idled quietly. He was waiting for me to get out.

“Have you eaten anything?”

He turned to face me. I couldn’t look at him, but I felt the intensity of his expression, the raw concentration in his gaze. “I haven’t.”

I tilted my head and my gaze fell on his long fingers wrapped around the bottom of the steering wheel. “Do you want to come in? The least I could do is feed you.”

His voice dropped low and rough. “I’m not hungry.”

I licked my dry lips. “Come in anyway.”





Chapter Twenty-Two


29. I don’t know how to stop loving him.