Chaser (Dive Bar #3)(16)
“It could.” Talk about a complete and utter lack of fucking faith in me. Sheesh. “I mean, just because I haven’t ever tried taking a break doesn’t mean I couldn’t.”
She laughed some more, wiping away tears as she got to her feet. “You’re hilarious. Hang in there, Eric. I have faith in you. You’ll figure it all out. Not that I’m convinced we ever really stop trying to figure shit out. You just move on to new problems.”
“Rosie, I love you. You are a dear and valued friend,” I said. “But please stop talking now.”
Away she went to check on her tables. Thank God. Still laughing, but whatever.
If anything, all of this supposed good advice had just confused me even more. Wise words, my ass. Also, I completely failed to see how keeping it in my pants would make me a better person. Or the alternative, putting a leash on my dick and handing over all ownership to one woman. Pretty sure monotony and monogamy sounded similar for a reason. But what the hell, I was willing to give the first option a go just to see. If only to now prove both Nell and Rosie wrong about me. So there.
Giving Vaughan a chin tip and still not looking over at Nell (or Lydia, just to be safe), I put on my new gray merino cardigan and headed out. There was kind of a gap in my schedule given the time I had intended to spend with Karen. What a schmozzle that turned out to be.
Things were quiet out on the street. Peaceful. The shadows of bare tree limbs waved in the cold wind. Time to start getting out the winter gear. I shoved my hands into the pockets of my black jeans and raised my shoulders, bracing myself against the chill. Luckily, I only had to walk the block.
Pat was open late, still at work in the tattoo parlor. Andre’s music shop, however, had been closed up tight. I’d only just stretched out my hand to reach for the door to the apartment entrance when a flash of movement inside caught my eye. Long legs in blue jeans and a pair of fluffy fire engine–red boots. Those could only belong to Jean. Quickly, I ducked around the side of the building, out of sight.
So maybe the reason mine and Jean’s paths hadn’t crossed in the last month might have something to do with me avoiding her. Between her being pregnant and therefore definitely unsuitable for dating despite her being both hot and nice, and my making a drunken ass of myself, avoiding her seemed best.
She stepped outside, humming some tune, and headed toward the Dive Bar. Probably picking up takeout for dinner. Or perhaps she’d have a chat with the girls, hang out a while. I usually found something incredibly important to do in the basement or back office when that happened. A matching red sweater covered her top half and I think her bulge had gotten bigger. Don’t know for sure. But she’d definitely started waddling a little. It was cute.
Out of sight, I watched until she disappeared into the bar. Yes, I hid, spying around the corner like a creepy perv. This was what my life had become. Pride didn’t even matter anymore. Maybe the whole no-sex thing would be easy since I seemed to be accidentally crushing on the wrong woman. Especially since I reminded her of the missing father of her child, apparently a total fucking jerk. Awesome. I bumped my forehead against the cold brick wall.
“You’re one sorry fuck, Collins,” I muttered to myself. And it was all too true.
*
Hours later, I just couldn’t get to sleep. It’d been happening often lately. Seemed like most nights my mind just wouldn’t shut up.
It was pure happenstance that I picked up the book. I had done some sit-ups and push-ups for a while, trying to wear myself out. Nothing much on TV interested me and it wasn’t like I kept a variety of reading material around.
Yet, somehow, I wound up sitting down with the pregnancy book my brother had bought me a year or so ago. Back when becoming a father had almost been a reality. God only knows why I picked it up. Well, first I had to fish it out from the bottom of my bedside drawers, of course. It’s not like I kept it on the coffee table or anything. But for an hour or so, I read about women in their last trimester. What the baby was up to and everything. It was actually kind of fascinating. I even read a little of the chapter about giving birth. That’s where it turned kind of horrific. If sex caused all that, maybe keeping it in my pants was the way to go. Still, lots of questions came up, and most of them made me feel queasy. And I couldn’t help but wonder if Jean knew exactly what she was in for, and if so, how the hell she slept at night at all. The changes happening inside of her, what including a baby in her life would mean. It was all so big. Hell, it was huge.
I lay there for a long time just wondering how she felt about it all. Not that I’d ask her.
CHAPTER FIVE
“You’re pouting again,” said Alex.
“Am not.” I sat alone in the backseat of my brother’s truck, looking up from my cell to scowl at her. Pouting. Not that I’d ever admit to it.
“He totally is.” Alex turned her attention back to the road, before gesturing to my brother. “Check him out, Joe.”
“I would,” said my brother. “But I can’t see shit.”
“Least you’re not in a dress,” I mumbled.
“Shut up.” Alex sighed for the hundredth time. “You both look great. I’m a costuming genius.”
We pulled up at a red light and Alex took the opportunity to ignore me while fussing with her long black wig. Outside, streetlights cast yellow circles in the dark. Few cars were on the road. Due to the Dive Bar schedule, we tended to have our private Halloween Party after hours on a weeknight. We’d shut early-ish, say about nine o’clock. Then everyone would head over to Vaughan and Lydia’s place since they were the only ones with a house—and enough room.