Chaser (Dive Bar #3)(15)

“So prove them wrong. If it bothers you, do something about it.”

My forehead wrinkled.

“Though changing just to prove someone else wrong is kind of stupid,” she said, chewing at her bottom lip. “You have to want to do it for your own happiness.”

“Fuck. I don’t know what I want.”

“Well, are you happy?”

“I thought I was, until everyone kept pointing out how crappy I am,” I said.

Rosie might have been the same age as me, but she’d been married for years and had about three dozen children or something. Don’t ask me how she managed it all. If anyone was going to give me advice worth listening to, however, it would likely be her. So I stayed put. Nearby, Lydia handed out meals to a table while Vaughan stayed busy at the bar.

“You could keep cruising along,” she said. “Working here, picking up women, and spending all of your money on nice clothes.”

“Hey,” I objected. “I paid my brother back the money I owed him. Downgraded from a very sweet muscle car to a piece of shit to do it too.”

“Good for you.”

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look presentable.” With a hand, I smoothed out the creases on my plain white button-down. Designer, of course. Quality mattered. Some fuckers wouldn’t know good design and fabric if it smacked them in the face. “I stick to my budget. Lydia helped me work one out a while back.”

“That’s great. Very adult of you.”

“Why thank you.”

For a minute, she mused this over, staring at me. “Do you want to know what I think?”

“No one else holds back. Why the hell should you?”

She gave me a mysterious smile. Like she knew everything, while I knew nothing. I could have pretty much already told her that.

“There’s no such thing as becoming an adult. It’s all a state of mind,” she said, leaning closer across the table. “You never reach some magical age and go … oh my god, I’m so adult. I couldn’t be more grown-up if I tried.”

I chuckled. “No?”

“Nope.”

“How does this whole life thing work then, oh wise woman?”

“You get your shit together and meet your responsibilities,” she said.

“Huh.”

“A century ago, everyone knew how they were expected to behave and if you stepped over the line, that was it. You were out. But things are different now.” She stared me down, gaze deadly serious. “People are more open minded, mostly. Though quite a few could do with a healthy dose of personal growth and empathy in my opinion. But we have so many options, there’s so many things we could do with our lives. Honestly, it can get a little confusing.”

I kept my mouth shut because she wasn’t wrong.

“Be kind and if you say you’re going to do something, make sure you do it.” She sat back in the chair, crossing her arms over her chest. “Do with that what you will.”

“Basically, don’t be an asshole and pay my bills on time?”

“Yep.”

“And that’s the path to happiness?” I asked.

Rosie frowned. “Not exactly. That’s probably the path to getting everyone off your back, though. As for all the ladies…”

“Sex is a perfectly normal and healthy pastime.”

“True. But you should respect the women you sleep with.”

“Come on, I do,” I complained.

“Do you really?”

“Yes.” I waved an arm at the door my date had just exited. “As Karen just demonstrated.”

“The girl who stormed out in a huff just demonstrated you respect women?” Her eyebrows arched. “How do you figure that?”

“Because everyone always acted like it was just me who wanted to keep it light, as if the chicks would rather something more substantial,” I grumbled. “But as Karen just made clear, that clearly overestimates my capacity to be seen as a potential partner.”

Rosie frowned, her forehead crinkling in thought, as if surprised I was making sense. Frankly, I had been half-hoping for a robust rebuttal, where she assured me I was excellent boyfriend stock. Her thoughtful silence spoke volumes. “I’ve got to get back to work. Try not to worry too much about what Nell says. Understandable given how things ended last time.”

The old familiar feeling of guilt sat inside me like a stone. “I know.”

“In a way, I think she’s found her happy and now she wants the same for you. To find someone who makes you happy…” Rosie stared off at nothing. “Though you shouldn’t make someone else responsible for your happiness.”

“You’re talking in circles. Again.”

“Hmm. You know, if you’re serious about this,” said Rosie, “I’m willing to consider setting you up with one of my friends.”

“I don’t know.” I scratched at my stubble. “All of this soul searching and trying to date is making my head hurt.”

“If it’s confusing you that much, maybe you should just take a break from sex and women.”

I paused, thinking it over. “Yeah. Maybe I should.”

“Oh my god, Eric.” Rosie howled with laughter. “That was a joke. You, go without? Never going to happen.”