Chaser (Dive Bar #3)(11)

She exhaled. “You and Nell…”

“It was an accident,” I said, voice barely louder than a whisper. “She and Pat had broken up and she wasn’t taking it so well. You know, they’ve been together since we were kids. No one saw their split coming.”

Jean said nothing.

“One night after work, Nell was really laying into the booze. She didn’t want to drink alone so I stayed back with her.” My whole memory of that night seemed surreal. “Pat had been busy with other women and that hurt her real bad. I was her revenge fuck, really. Her way of getting back at him.”

Jean’s face was blank, eyes watching me in silence.

“We’d all been friends a long time. I should have said no, but…”

Her face tightened, little lines appearing, and she rose to her feet.

“Please don’t go,” I said, the words bursting out of me. I rose up on my elbows, breathing fast. “I just don’t want to be alone.” Alone with the remnants of Glenlivet.

Maybe a minute passed and she still said nothing. We just looked at each other, two veritable strangers talking by my bed in the small hours of the morning. Not an unusual occurrence for me, but doing it fully clothed was a first.

“I won’t try anything,” I said.

She huffed out a laugh and patted her belly. “Oh, I know you won’t.”

“Sorry I said you were huge. You’re still beautiful.”

Her brows rose.

“I mean it.”

“Thank you.” After giving me a long look, she wandered around to the other side of the bed and sat down with her back to the headboard. “I’ll stay for a little while.”

“You will?”

A one-shoulder shrug. “Apparently, the baby likes listening to you feeling sorry for yourself. She hasn’t kicked since we came in.”

“Glad my whining is doing someone some good.”

She laughed quietly.

“A little girl?” I asked. “Is that what you said?”

“Yes.”

“Huh.” It was probably the booze in my system, but the whole idea made me feel strange for some reason. “Nell’s was a girl too. I mean, mine. Nell’s and mine. We didn’t find out until after the accident and the miscarriage. A little girl.”

Jean smiled sadly, and a hand reached across to squeeze my shoulder.

I didn’t need her sympathy. I didn’t need anyone’s sympathy. Head turned to the side, I gazed at her bump, mostly in curiosity. “Where’s the father?”

“He’s not in the picture.” She licked her lips. “I just, he was someone I met out one night. It wasn’t anything serious, you know?”

“Sure.”

She huffed out a little laugh. “Of course you know.”

“We’re all adults here,” I said. “Mostly.”

“Yeah, mostly.”

“So you had a nice night with him and then … surprise?”

“Yes. Big surprise.” She looked away. “Guess the condom broke or something. That’ll teach me not to be on the pill as well. I freaked out like you wouldn’t believe. Then came denial; I must have done about a dozen pregnancy tests. But they all came up positive.”

“Mm. What then?”

“Then…” She sighed. “I thought really long and hard, I guess. It wasn’t an easy decision to make. I had no way of getting in touch with the father. We’d had an okay time together, but he wasn’t someone I wanted to see again.”

“No?”

“No,” she said. “He was a nice enough guy. Fun, very handsome, interesting to talk to. But he was a good-time not a long-time kind of guy. I asked around at the bar where we’d met. He wasn’t a regular, though. I can’t really imagine that having a baby with me would have been his idea of a good time.”

I kept my mouth shut.

Her gaze tightened, searching my face. Not in a good way. My already upset stomach sunk even further. I had the worst fucking feeling that I knew exactly what she was thinking.

“I remind you of him, don’t I?” I said.

She nodded. “Yeah, you do.”

“Why did you flirt with me in the bar then?”

“Good question.” She licked her lips. “You made me feel pretty, I guess. Reminded me of what my life used to be like.”

I said nothing.

“Maybe I should have tried harder to find him, but then my folks started complicating everything further.” Her forehead lined. “I could deal with only so much at one time.”

“Fair enough.”

“Let’s not talk about him anymore.”

“Okay.” I stared up at nothing a while longer. “Does it feel like there’s a freaky alien inside of you?”

“A freaky alien?”

“Guess she doesn’t burst out of your chest all gory like in the movie.…”

“Jesus. I knew you couldn’t stay nice about her for long.” She frowned. “Look, I understand now why you’re a bit freaked out by babies and pregnancy. But that doesn’t mean you get to be a jerk about her.”

“What are you talking about?” I demanded. “I’m being totally normal about it. Her.”