Can't Let Go(20)

“Sometimes you don’t realize what you’re missing out on—that’s all.” Abby tried to ignore the double meaning to his words. He couldn’t be saying what she thought he was. “I never gave it the chance I should have.”

“Well, I’m glad you finally came around.” She said, though her voice was hardly more than a whisper. He looked up then, his eyes meeting hers and holding them. It was a long moment that passed between them, millions of things each of them wanted to say—memories and desires flowing between them, all revealed through their gaze.

A voice disturbed them though, shocking them from the moment and bringing them back to the present. Abby looked away first, shifting her eyes to the ground. “I’ll get those,” Logan offered, turning his back and returning to the window to retrieve their ice cream cones. He handed the loaded cone to her before perching against the picnic table beside her. Abby didn’t speak for several moments, concentrating all of her attention on the treat in front of her.

“This is really good,” she finally admitted, breaking the silence. Logan chuckled, nodding his head.

“I told you it was.”

“You were right.” She sighed, lifting her eyes and looking around. They were surrounded by people—lots of couples, a few families. Across the way, she saw a young family of three. “They look so happy.” She said, something hidden in her tone. “Hayley and Blake would have been such good parents.”

“They would have.” Logan agreed. “You remember when we thought we were going to have one of those?”

She did remember. In fact, it didn’t even seem all that long ago. She was still in school then—Logan had been talking about starting. They had been reckless one night—just one night, they’d gotten carried away. She hadn’t thought anything of it until a few weeks later. She was late.

“It was pretty scary,” he spoke and Abby looked over at him, finding his eyes.

“I wasn’t scared.” It was the truth. She had known having a baby then would have been challenging—but she’d had faith that the two of them could do it, so long as they were together.

“You weren’t?” He asked, and Abby shook her head.

“No. In fact, I was almost disappointed when it turned out I wasn’t pregnant.”

“You never told me that.” Abby shrugged her shoulders.

“I didn’t want to scare you away.” She laughed at the irony. A year or so later, he’d left anyway. “But I mean—the thought of a baby—of our baby?”

“You want to know the truth?” Logan asked after a few moments of silence. Abby found his eyes again. “I was a little bit disappointed, too.” And all Abby could do was nod, a ball forming in her throat. “I mean, I was terrified—I was so unprepared to take care of a family. But I don’t know…I’d never really thought about having kids until I found you.”

“I wish you would have told me that then. Maybe it would have made it a little bit easier…” She hadn’t even told Hayley how disappointed she’d been.

“There are a lot of things that I probably should have done differently, Abby. That’s only one of a million.” She reached up and touched her finger to the corner of her eye, so as to keep the tear from falling.

“We would have had beautiful children though.” She could see them now, standing in line there at the ice cream parlor. Hayley and Blake would be with them, their little girl on Blake’s shoulders. Logan would be holding their own little boy in his arms—their little dark-haired boy with unruly curls. And she and Hayley would be standing side by side, taking in what a beautiful picture their families made.

“Any child of yours is going to be incredible, Abigail Lewis.” Abby’s smile faded as she thought about what he said. Oh, if only she could tell him.

“Yours won’t be too bad themselves,” she whispered.

“I don’t think that’s in the cards for me either, Abby. The whole family thing. Not now, anyway.” It actually pained her to hear his words. Logan was going to make such a great father some day—why wouldn’t he take advantage of it?

“You told me you wanted enough kids to fill the starting line-up of the Red Sox.” She stared at him, her brow furrowed with concern. His laugh was very sad as he traced a circle into the ground with his shoe.

“Things change.”

“Sometimes, I really wish they wouldn’t.” She thought of their current situation. Their friends gone, their hearts broken. Why had their paths taken such a sour turn?

“I agree.” Logan was disappointed to see the sadness returning to Abby’s eyes. He thought he might try a change in subject, as the current topic was bringing him down, too. He hadn’t even wanted a family until he and Abby’s accident.

But then the possibility was staring him right in the face, and he realized that he’d wanted one with her. That was part of the reason he’d given in and gone back to school. He had no idea what to do with himself—but he knew he wanted to prove himself worthy.

Unfortunately, he was pretty sure he’d made a terrible mistake somewhere along the way.

“It was nice to finally meet your dad.” He finally spoke, willing himself away from his own reverie.

“He liked you.” Abby said, her tone a certain one. “I always knew he would.”

“It was good of him to come.” Logan thought of the way the older man had looked at his daughter. She was something precious to him—the person he cherished most in the world.

Logan imagined he probably saw Abby in a similar fashion.

“Hayley was like a daughter to him. He loved her—I wish he would have gotten to know Blake too. They would have gotten along well.” She had a distant tone in her voice, as if she were some place far away now.

“I think your dad could get along with anyone he wanted to, really.” Abby nodded. It was part of her father’s charisma. He’d never walked into a room and not made a friend. “He seems like a good man.”

“He is.” Sometimes, though, she couldn’t help resenting him. She couldn’t help but blame him for the choices that had been made so long ago—the ones that had brought her here, to this place.

“He loves you.” Abby nodded again, knowing it was true and grateful for the reminder. She only wished he could have loved her enough to trust that she knew what she was doing. That she knew who she was falling in love with.

“You’re a good man, too, Logan. I always knew you were.”

“Well, I do try…” He was trying to lighten the air again. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

“Fortunately for me, I don’t have to exert much effort.” He laughed at the jab, nodding his head. She finally looked up, meeting his eyes.

Logan broke out into laughter.

“What?” She asked. He reached forward and touched his thumb to her chin.

“You had a bit of chocolate—just there.” He pulled his hand away, smiling warmly. “There, all gone.”

“I’m not sure I should trust you.”

“You can always trust me, Abigail Lewis. I don’t care how much time goes by—if you’re married and you have ten kids—I will always be here for you.” The sincerity was obvious in his tone—she didn’t even have to look to his eyes for confirmation. But she did anyway.

“I’ll remember that,” she replied, her voice hardly more than a whisper. “We should probably head back, shouldn’t we?” She asked, bringing the moment to a close. Abby couldn’t help but be glad for it. She’d gone through more than enough today without having to rekindle the past.

“It is getting late.” There was a chill in the air, summer still too far on the horizon for the air to stay warm.

And so the decision was made. They made their way back to the truck, both lost in thought. It was a silent drive back—peaceful, comfortable. But still silent. The drive was short, and soon they were already back at the motel.

The stars shone brightly in the sky as they stood out on the balcony. It felt strange to have to part now, Abby thought, remembering how things had been back in Boston. How natural had today felt? Sitting at his side, laughing with him, knowing what he was thinking with just a glimpse of his eyes?

“For being such a horrible day, it really wasn’t all that bad,” Abby said quietly. “I’m glad you were here, Logan.”

“So am I,” he replied. They sat in silence for a few moments staring out at the stars. “Why didn’t you tell Eric about quitting?” Abby shrugged.

“Because, if there’s anyone I’m rebelling against, he’s the one. And I want to get it through his head that my career is no less important than his.” She sighed. “He’s always hated the fact that I work there.