Can't Let Go(17)

“Oh! No—we’re not—” Abby started.

“I mean, we used to be—” Logan added on.

“We’re just looking,” Abby said, her cheeks flushing red.

“Oh, I’m sorry. You two just have the distinct look of two people in love.” The older woman smiled. “You say you used to be?”

“It was a long time ago,” Logan explained uncomfortably.

“Well, maybe it’s just some leftover spark.” She smiled again, something that could be described as either wise and knowing or endearingly eccentric in her eyes. “You just let me know if you need any help.”

“Thank you,” Abby responded, returning to her browsing, grateful for a distraction. She certainly didn’t need anything more regarding her feelings for Logan floating around in her mind. She felt his eyes on her back, but she refused to turn around, needing the time to regain her composure. After a few more moments, her eyes landed on a pale yellow dress—very similar to the one she’d worn so many years ago. This one had thin spaghetti straps and a more flowing skirt, similar in length. “This—this one will work fine.”

“Don’t you want to try it on?” Abby shook her head, knowing that the shop would be closing soon.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” As per usual, she avoided Logan’s eyes as she turned around, holding the dress over her arm. “I’ll just pay for it and then we can go—we’ve still got to stop at the restaurant and drop off the flowers.”

“We’ve got time—”

“No—really, it’s okay.” She brushed passed him, her eyes trained on the floor. “It’ll do just fine.” She wasn’t sure why she was in such a hurry—why it was that she was suddenly so eager to move the night along. Perhaps, she mused, it had something to do with the intensity of Logan’s eyes as they followed her around.

Or perhaps, thought the part of her that dwelled deep within her being, it had something to do with the way she actually enjoyed it.



~*~



She stood in the living area of her small motel room, struggling to reach the zipper on the back of her dress. Logan was supposed to be arriving any minute now and she sighed with frustration. She’d gotten very little sleep once again and had, this time, passed the night mostly staring at the ceiling and scolding herself for thinking about things she knew she shouldn’t be thinking about.

But she couldn’t help it. No matter how hard she tried—her thoughts continuously brought her back to Logan.

She tried to remind herself how angry she was with him. She tried to remember the pain she’d felt upon waking to that stupid note. How devastated she had been as she packed up her belongings and returned home—leaving Hayley her own note, unable to face even her best friend. She tried to think about the year she had spent refusing to believe that she and Logan were actually over. The nights she’d cried herself to sleep.

But every time she tried, she, for whatever reason, thought of his eyes. Every time he looked at her, she felt as if she was the only other person in the world. And she didn’t even mind.

A knock sounded at the door and she sighed again. “Just a minute!” She struggled with the zipper a few moments longer.

“Everything okay in there?” And finally, Abby gave up. She crossed over to the door and opened it partway, biting her lip.

“I need a little—assistance.” She stepped backward, waving him in with one hand while holding the back of the dress with the other. Logan entered, closing the door behind him. “I can’t get the zipper.” His eyes danced with laughter as they met hers. “I’ve been trying and it just—”

“Let me do it.” She sighed one last time, turning around and lifting her hair. As she stood in front of the mirror, though she tried not to, she watched their reflection in the shiny surface. He was hesitant at first, his hand coming close to her waist and pausing for a moment before finally allowing it to settle there. She tried to ignore the way her heart responded to his touch—the way the air in her lungs suddenly seemed to disappear.

He moved slowly—carefully. She felt the soft skin of his fingers gently graze across her back and she closed her eyes, reveling in the touch.

“There,” he said, though his tone was much lower than it normally was. Her eyes fluttered open and her breath caught in her throat as their eyes met in the mirror.

It was only a moment, but it seemed to last a lifetime. She envisioned her alternate reality, in which this would be something that took place on a normal basis. Instead of preparing for a funeral, perhaps it was a wedding they were attending—something light, happy—celebratory.

And she could see that Logan too was living in his own world, his gray eyes content. Maybe even optimistic.

“We should probably—” His voice brought her crashing back to reality and she nodded, stepping aside and taking a deep breath.

“We should.” Because, of course—this wasn’t her fantasy life. This was reality.

Abby swallowed as she averted her eyes. Logan stared at the floor now, his eyes guarded. With one last glance in the mirror, she said goodbye to the fantasy, pushing it away.

The funeral was to be held outdoors, as neither Hayley nor Blake had been much for churches. Logan had suggested something outside, since they had both loved nature, and Abby had agreed without hesitation. And so the ceremony was to be held in the cemetery, near the trees.

People were already seated when they arrived—those who hadn’t been able to attend the viewing, or those who just wanted to help. Abby recognized some of the people from the day before—and some of the people she’d called from home. She suddenly felt her cheeks redden as she glanced down at her outfit.

“Everybody’s going to think I’m crazy.”

“Well—you won’t be alone.” She looked over at him, confused. “After last night, I had to do a bit of shopping of my own. And by shopping, I mean rummaging through several boxes that had been tucked away in storage for far too long.”

“What did you do, Logan?” His eyes sparkled again and he shrugged his shoulders, opening his door and letting himself out. He began to walk around the truck as if to let her out, but she pushed the door open and jumped out of the vehicle before he made it to her side. “What did you do?” She noticed now for the first time that he was wearing his aged-leather jacket and, beneath that, a pair of dark blue jeans.

“Blake knew how much I hated suits. He would never have expected me to wear one.” He shrugged again. “But I couldn’t exactly come in jeans and a t-shirt.” He paused then. “At least not any t-shirt.” And then he held his jacket open, revealing to her the tuxedo t-shirt he wore beneath it.

And Abby laughed.

It felt as if it was the first time she’d laughed in ages, the heaviness in her chest lightening as the air rushed through her. She laughed until there were tears in her eyes and she was nearly falling over, Logan joining in.

“You remember?” He asked as her laughter finally settled down. Abby nodded, memories flooding over her.

“Of course I remember.” How could she not?

Blake and Logan had, on their first date with the girls, promised them an evening they would never forget. They had told them to dress in their best and meet them at some fancy restaurant. Only, when they arrived, the boys had taken them across the street for a candle-light dinner they had prepared on their own. And both were dressed in tuxedo t-shirts.

That night marked the first time Abby and Logan had kissed.

“Well, Miss Abigail Lewis, may I have the honor of being your escort for today’s festivities?” Logan asked as he offered her his arm.

“You know what?” Her eyes still glimmered with tears, a mixture of both happiness and sadness now. “I’d have no other.”

She smiled as she slid her arm through his.

“We’re going to cause quite a scene.” He murmured.

“That’s exactly what Hayley would want.” And in that moment, Abby found some peace.

She imagined her best friend looking down at her from wherever she was now and she heard Hayley’s laughter mingling with her own. And she knew that, no matter what, Hayley would always be with her. She would always be a part of her—she would always hold a spot in Abby’s heart. And even if Hayley was gone—she would still live on, because never would a day go by that Abby didn’t think of her. They were family—in the most important way.

A few people she’d grown up with looked up as she and Logan approached and she watched as they leaned over, whispering to one another. But she stared straight ahead, a small smile on her face. For the first time in a very long time, she didn’t care what they were thinking. She didn’t care what she looked like.

They took their seats in the front row, sitting side by side, the only family their friends had. Blake’s father had left his mother before Blake had been born. His mother had died just after they’d graduated high school. He and Logan had known each other since junior high—a friendship that was just as strong as Abby and Hayley’s. She remembered Hayley’s wedding—remembered her friend’s declaration. “You, Logan, and Blake—you’re all I care about. You’re the only family I need.”