Bullet(83)

He was sitting up, his elbows resting on his thighs, his hands pressed together in a praying fashion, his lips resting on his index and middle fingers. He grinned. “Any kind, huh?” He turned his head to look me in the eyes. “That could get you into trouble, Valerie.”

I sat up too, my face close to his. My voice was throaty when I said, “Don’t I know that.” And I couldn’t help but look down at his full, sensual lips. God…when was the last time we’d kissed? Like I could forget. It was in the back of his van that one summer night, before I’d joined the band. He’d promised to do incredible things to me then…then when I’d been a naïve, unknowing virgin. Now, though…I knew exactly what to expect, and just from what I’d remembered about Brad, I knew he’d be worth every second.

So did it surprise me when I was the one to make the move? It wasn’t the rum. It had been one shot, not enough to affect my judgment and barely enough to loosen me up. But I set my glass of water on the table and leaned forward. My lips just barely brushed his. Holy shit. He smelled so good. He must’ve showered before the party too. Not only did he smell clean, but he had some spicy cologne on that I hadn’t noticed until I got close. And I could taste the rum on him when I ran my tongue on his lower lip.

Oh, I’d grabbed his shirt into my fists and pulled him closer. What the hell? Maybe I was becoming my stage persona. I felt his arms wrap around me as he responded to my kiss. God, was he filled with passion. I imagined he had the power of a thousand horses in his body, and they hadn’t been out driving for quite some time. I could just feel that, and then I wondered when was the last time he’d gotten laid.

Hell, when was the last time I’d been with someone? That had been Jet, and that had been a helluva long time ago. I was coming up on a year. No wonder I was so brazen.

No, it was more than that. It was Brad. For far too long, I’d denied my true feelings for the man, sublimating them into this best friendship I’d wanted to work so desperately, but as I felt his tongue enter the warm confines of my mouth, I knew I’d always wanted Brad…from the first time I’d met him.

But he stopped and pulled back enough to look in my eyes. “We can’t do this, Val.”

I felt confused. “Do what?”

“This. Us. We can’t.”

I was feeling desperate now, but I didn’t dare show it. “Why not?”

“Ethan, for starters…and he’s right over there.”

“Are you kidding? Ethan? The guy who f*cked around on me more than once? We haven’t been together in a long time, Brad. That ship sailed a long time ago.”

“And then there’s Jet…”

“Jet? Seriously? Brad, he and I broke up…almost a year ago.”

“Bullshit. You guys hooked up again last…November or December, wasn’t it?”

I sighed and tried not to roll my eyes. “We made out. That was it. And we decided friends only.”

“And the band, Val. That’s why we stayed away in the first place.”

“That was your idea, and if mine and Ethan’s f*cked-up relationship hasn’t ruined the band…” I was starting to feel pissed. I took a sip of my water. “Know what? You don’t want to, just grow a f*cking pair and say so.” I stood. “Jesus.”

“Val, that’s not it—”

“Good night, Brad.” I walked to the front door and left without looking back.

I stormed down the hall the few feet to my room. God, was I angry. It made me remember that saying, that hell hath no fury. Yeah, but I wasn’t just a woman scorned; I was a woman spurned. And, yeah, it stung. And from all people.

When I got to my room, I decided I was going to brush my teeth and go to bed, and I’d play some angry music on my iPod to help me drift off to sleep. So when I got done brushing, I took off my shoes and peeled off my pants and turned back the covers.

There was a knock at the door.

And I was pretty sure I knew who it was before I even got out of bed. Still, just to be sure, I looked out the peephole. Yep, it was Brad.

So what should I do? Should I answer it and let him explain to me what he’d wanted to say back there? Or should I just pretend I didn’t hear the door and go to bed? He could still say what he had to in the morning.

But Brad and I didn’t have a relationship like that, and that’s why I opened the door. We’d always been open and honest with each other, even when it hurt, and I wasn’t going to stop now. I took a deep breath, trying to remove the sour woman-scorned look off my face, and pulled it open.

I could tell just from his expression that he hadn’t expected to see me without my pants. But he was cool about it. Frankly, he’d seen more of my skin onstage, so I wasn’t concerned. “Can I come in?”

I nodded, pulling the door open enough for him to pass through, and then I closed it. I wasn’t going to say a word. I was going to let him spit it out, get it off his chest, and then let him go. There was no sense in prolonging the agony.

We walked to the center of the room and faced each other. “I know you’re not with those guys now, but that doesn’t mean your heart’s not.” I just stared at him, hoping my face looked unamused if nothing else. “And I promised your dad.”

I couldn’t help myself. I started laughing. “That was over two years ago, Brad.”

“I don’t know what’s so funny.”

I cocked my head. “Seriously? Brad, he was worried about my virtue and of some guy forcing me to do something I didn’t want to do.” I couldn’t help myself. With him there and my mind roaming back to what I’d been considering earlier, my eyes wandered back to his lips. “Do I look unwilling to you?” I stared into his eyes again, challenging.

He was struggling. I could see it. Time to kick him while he was down. I continued, “I might not remember what he said word for word, but three words stuck in my mind—without her consent. Know why I remember that?” He shook his head. “Because up until that point in my life, I’d been told how premarital sex was a sin, and I should save my virginity for marriage, although my mom decided to spring on me right before college that if I loved a boy, it would be enough.” I inched toward him. Holy shit. Why was I being so ballsy? “For my dad to throw in that he’d kill anyone who touched me without my consent…well, that kinda blew everything else out of the water.” I was just a breath away from Brad when I said, “So give me one good reason why we shouldn’t do this.”

His voice was soft. “I can’t.”

That was all I needed to hear. I snaked my hand around his neck, but I didn’t force him to bend his head down to kiss me. He did that all on his own.

His lips touched mine, but this time it didn’t stop there. His kiss was passionate, just as I’d suspected it would be. There had been so much between us for so long, so much we’d denied and buried and pretended wasn’t there, and now we were just going to let it play out. So I wasn’t surprised when our kisses weren’t sweet and tender and were instead forceful and demanding. And I was pulling the bottom of his t-shirt up before I even realized I was doing it.

He helped. I’d seen that chest a lot over the last few years, because he would take it off onstage a lot, especially during summer months. I knew he was rock hard, and I’d noted each new tattoo as it had appeared on him. Brad had always had a beautiful body, but I’d tried to pretend it didn’t affect me at all.

Now, though…now that I had unfettered access, I was going to play. But he wasn’t f*cking around either. He too started pulling my shirt over my head, and I lifted up my arms and helped throw it on the floor once it was at my wrists. As soon as it was off my head, Brad bent at the knees and, hands on the back of my thighs, lifted me up. My body seemed to fit his perfectly, my legs wrapped around his torso as he walked toward my bed.

He lay me down on the bed so that my knees draped over the edge. I felt like I was going to melt into the mattress. He kissed me on the lips again, and then he moved to my neck and just by touching the skin there, my breathing grew more erratic. But he moved down, his moist lips brushing my collarbone, then the top of my breast. I sighed and arched my back as he reached behind my back to undo the clasp.

One of my hands was in his hair, the fingers lazily looped in his locks, but the other hand was helping me maintain control. The tips of my ring and middle finger were in my mouth, and I was biting down on them just enough to keep me from losing it and either grabbing Brad by the shoulders and ordering him to f*ck me or just doing my best to rape him. No…I had to hold it together. And so, as he pulled the bra off my shoulders and arms with excruciating slowness, I wasn’t surprised when first a sigh escaped my lips and then a groan as his mouth touched one of my nipples.

It was maddening, and I wondered now why I’d told Brad no all those years ago. But as his lips moved to my cleavage and his tongue traced a thin trail down my belly, that thought flitted away. Sweet Jesus…he wasn’t wasting any time, and yet I still felt impatient and needy. It had been too long since I’d been with a man and to have it be this one in my bed…my brain couldn’t process it.