Bullet(86)

“Yeah.”

So what was bothering him? He was still turning something over in his head. Brad did that sometimes. He’d stay quiet until the right words came, and I knew that’s what was happening. He was trying to find a way to say what he needed to. I couldn’t stand the silence, the awkwardness anymore. “Is something wrong?”

He stopped rubbing my arm and smiled. “No.” He looked in my eyes, and it still took him some time. “You…are so…special, Val.” I blinked. He had more to say. “I just…never expected this, I guess.”

I couldn’t stop my hand from stroking his cheek. Little hairs were starting to poke out of his normally smooth, shaved skin. “Do you regret it?”

His eyes softened. “Oh. No. Fuck, no. I just…didn’t expect it.”

And then I understood. Tonight hadn’t just been about getting his rocks off. It had been emotional for him. Wow. Deeply emotional. I was at a loss for words myself. I couldn’t think of what to say. I hadn’t regretted it either. It was weird now but…

He leaned over and touched his lips to mine.

And what the hell was that emotion burgeoning in my chest? It was so intense all of a sudden that I felt my eyes well with tears. I let it manifest itself physically as I wound my fingers into his hair and pressed myself into him. I felt as though someone else was possessing me, driving me, and I was letting it happen. I knew, though, that I was trying to overcome that heavy, raw emotion that I didn’t want to name or even think about, and I was trying to override it with sexual desire.

He wasn’t pushing me away, but his kisses were sweeter, more tender, less demanding than mine. Maybe I was being too aggressive for him, because he moved his lips to my shoulder where he kissed me, open-mouthed, and moved to my neck. Okay…so I could move slowly, but that goddamned emotion. What the hell was that? It was moving from my diaphragm and into my heart, piercing deep, and I don’t know that I’d ever felt that way about anyone.

It couldn’t be real. It had to be how tired I was. It had to be a response to how angry I was at Ethan. It had to be the heat. There were so many things it had to be, because it couldn’t be that one thing it was pretending to be. No. It couldn’t be that.

I just wondered why it felt that way and why it was wrenching my internal organs and refusing to let go.

But his kisses were pulling me away from the emotions, setting my skin on fire for him again. I could still sense that…deep feeling—it was there, but I was able to push it to the back of my mind as our lips met, crashed, melded, as our bodies united as one. I couldn’t feel the air from the AC; I could only feel the inferno between us, the one that had always been there, burning, smoldering, consuming. And as he entered me again, driving, a sweet sensation unlike one I’d never known, I felt myself give everything over to him, all that I was. His hands laced through mine as he slid into me, again and again, making me breathless, until I cried out. There was a song in my head that played, one that would never be written, one I’d never sing, but one that my soul was singing for him, crying for him, one that would never not need him.

I drifted off to sleep in his arms after, forcing myself to ignore all those emotions threatening to consume me, drive me mad, and so I wondered if it was a dream or if I really heard him whisper that he loved me as sleep overtook me.





Chapter Thirty-seven



“VAL? VAL! ARE you in there?”

It took me a few seconds to get my bearings. Okay…I was in my hotel room. There was Brad lying beside me, and he was waking up too. He looked as confused and out of it as I felt. I glanced at the alarm clock with the red LED display on the nightstand next to the bed. It was only twenty after four. God. I was sick of party animals ruining my good night’s sleep.

“Yeah. What do you want?” I was pretty sure it was Nick, but I couldn’t tell.

“Can I come in?”

I sighed and looked over at Brad, rolling my eyes. “Can’t it wait till morning?”

“No. Please hurry up.”

It was then that I heard the panic in our drummer’s voice. Brad whispered, “You want me to lay low?”

I shrugged. “Think he’d freak out with you in here?”

He smiled. “We’re talking about Nick. Yeah. He’ll freak. Or not.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I dunno.”

“Then just be quiet.” I raised my voice. “Just a sec.” I gave Brad a quick kiss on the lips and then got out of bed and pulled a fresh t-shirt out of the suitcase by the wall. I slipped it on and then fished out a pair of panties too and slipped into them. Then I walked to the door. Brad had already laid his head back on the pillow…but his eyes were open.

I opened the door. “Yeah. What’s so frigging important it can’t wait till morning?”

“It’s Ethan.”

Of course. What now? But before I turned sarcastic, Nick’s panic shook me. It shook me to the base of my spine. Oh, shit. “What? What, Nick? What the f*ck?”

“I’m sorry to bug you, Val. I tried to find Brad. But—”

Brad was already behind me. “Spit it out, man. What the f*ck happened?”

Nick didn’t freak out about Brad, and maybe that’s because he’d walked in on us in the van the time we’d started and never finished. Or maybe he was too panicked otherwise. But Nick was losing it about whatever was going on with Ethan. And with Ethan, God. It could be anything. He could be fighting, what with his volatile temper. He could be hanging out the window, playing reckless daredevil, fueled by his

drugs.

Oh, f*ck, no.

“He won’t wake up, man. He’s like—”

“Where is he, Nick?”

“He’s in the suite. He’s passed out.”

Brad had his jeans on and was already out the door before I could even process what was happening. But his motion unfroze me, and I grabbed my card off the dresser and ran out in the hall. Brad and Nick were already back in the suite, standing next to Zane. There were a few other people standing around, and I saw a guy from a different band making out with a girl in the corner, pretending we didn’t exist.

And there was Ethan, lying on the couch, his head just resting on the back. He almost looked peaceful. “How do you know he’s not just sleeping?” Brad asked.

“He’s not. You try waking him up.”

Brad didn’t look so sure, but I was already walking over to the couch. I touched Ethan’s shoulder. “Ethan. Ethan? Wake up.” He didn’t respond. I could feel panic rising in my chest, but I knew I needed to stay calm. I grabbed both his shoulders with my hands. “Ethan. Wake up.” It was more a command that time, but his head just lolled around with the motion. I had no control anymore as fear set in. I could hear it in my voice. “Damn it, Ethan. Wake up. Wake up…” My words deteriorated into sobs, and that’s when Zane grabbed my hands so I’d stop roughing Ethan up as though shaking him would pull him out of whatever had taken hold of him.

I heard Brad ask, “How long has he been like this?”

Nick said, “I don’t know. We just tried to get him up a while ago.”

Brad’s voice was calm but firm. “What’d he take?”

“Hell if I know, man. With Ethan, it could be anything.”

Zane added, “Or everything.”

Someone behind us said, “I’m pretty sure he did some smack.”

I wasn’t sure what that was, but I was able to figure it out when Brad muttered, “Fuckin’ heroin.” He was louder when he asked, “What else?”

Zane: “He was drinking. We all were.” Brad nodded. “But there might have been more. I don’t know. He was with a couple of guys and a girl a while ago, and they’re gone.”

“Do you know their names?”

Zane’s voice was dry. “You’re kidding, right?”

I was losing it. “Shouldn’t we be calling the ambulance?”

Brad looked at me. “Do you think they’d get here in time?”

I heard the panic in my voice again. “We have to do something.”

He nodded. “Zane, help me load him in the van. Nick, you still have that GPS app on your phone?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you’re comin’ with.”

Zane said, “I’m comin’ too.”

I didn’t say it, but I planned to come along as well. They couldn’t stop me if they tried. But they didn’t. I ran back to my room and threw on jeans and sandals and grabbed Brad’s t-shirt and shoes for him and joined them at the elevator. No one said a word. Nick was Googling the address of the nearest hospital, and by the time we got to the bottom floor, I went in front to open the van doors.

They lay Ethan on the middle seat. Zane sat in the back, and I sat on the floor next to where Ethan’s head was. Brad said, “Nick, I need you riding shotgun as my navigator.” And I lost my sense of time and direction as my body swayed with the motion of the van. I didn’t even know how quickly Brad was driving. I was focused on Ethan. I was brushing his long hair out of his eyes, rubbing his forehead. “Ethan, if you can hear me, don’t give up. We’re getting you help.”