Broken Pasts(17)

“Thanks. I'll try to keep that in mind.” I took another sip of coffee. “I was thinking, on Sunday, when you come back, if you'd be willing to teach me to shoot. I don't need to learn anything fancy, just how to point and click in case … in case anything happens.” In case I have to shoot Gary in an altercation. In that scenario, the gun wouldn't be the problem, my emotions would. I just didn't know if I'd be able to do it.

“Of course,” Nathaniel said and I could see that he was more than happy to oblige. He put his hands on the countertop and paused for a moment, running his tongue subconsciously across his lower lip. My eyes followed the motion and then flickered away to stare at one of Rhea's drawings on the refrigerator. “I don't mean to alarm you, but can I make a suggestion?” I nodded. “If this doesn't stop soon, I think you should consider applying for a CHL.” I stared at Nathaniel and tried not to squeeze the ceramic mug too tightly.

“What makes you think I'd need to carry a concealed weapon?” I asked, trying to sound nonchalant, but instead I think I sounded angry. Not at Nathaniel but at Gary.

“Just as a precaution,” he said as he dropped his hands by his sides. “I know he hasn't tried anything yet, but that could be because I'm here. If you were to stop by your office in the evening or on a weekend … ” I cut Nathaniel off, determined not to go there.

“Thanks for the advice,” I said and although it came out sounding a bit snippy, I really meant it. “I'll look into that.” I set my coffee cup on the counter at the same moment the doorbell rang. Nathaniel answered it without another word and welcomed a stoic Cedric into the living room. The two of them whispered for a moment before they both came back over to talk to me. “He's still out there, isn't he?” I asked. It was Nathaniel that answered me.

“He's touring the house across the street.”

“Are you f*cking kidding me?” I snapped. The house opposite mine was the gem of the neighborhood with a backyard full of fruit trees and three stories of brand new siding that towered over my little rental and threw it in shadows during the best part of the day. It had been up for sale for quite awhile now, lost in a drowning housing market. Gary and I had planned on buying it because I loved the neighborhood. That was just weeks before I'd left him. Like I said, cold turkey. He hadn't given me a warning or a transition period. He had just changed into a different person and left me reeling. “He can't possibly still be considering buying it.” Nathaniel and Cedric glanced at each other, but neither of them said a thing. I slammed my coffee cup down on the counter and tried to control the font of rage that had just opened up inside of me. “I'm going over there,” I said suddenly. My fear of Gary had just dissipated in a cloud of anger.

“I wouldn't advise that,” Nathaniel said as I moved past him and grabbed my coat from a hook near the front door. He followed after me, Cedric in tow, but didn't stop me as I opened the door and started towards the street. “The way he's been acting lately is a bad sign, Theresa. He's like a bomb that's ready to explode.” I ignored Nathaniel, even as he kept pace with me, a perfect column of darkness in his suit, hair showing the slightest hint of red when the sun hit it.

“I don't care,” I said, feeling angry not just at Gary's recent behavior but all of it. I felt tricked by him, used. He'd fed me a false personality, tricked me into liking him, made me feel wanted. Then he'd flipped everything around and started threatening me. It wasn't fair; it just was not fair. I couldn't keep getting the short end of the stick. I deserved to be loved, didn't I? Rhea and I deserved the house with the fruit trees and the wraparound porch, right? I hadn't told anyone, but I kind of had my heart set on that house. It might seem stupid. I mean, if not Gary then someone else might swoop down and buy it, but there was something about him doing it that just set me off. And it really had nothing to do with the stalking incidents, at least not in the forefront of my mind. This was about the principle of the thing, and sometimes principle is all we have.

“I'll wait outside,” Cedric mumbled as he took a position by the front door. I grabbed the knob and let myself in. Nathaniel was right behind me.

The realtor, a pretty woman in a red suit jacket and black pumps, was staring at me like I was crazy. Gary, who looked much better now than when I'd seen him earlier, smiled at us, ever the perfect gentleman in a charcoal gray suit. His hair was slicked back and he was clean shaven. He was even wearing the watch I'd given to him for a wedding present.

“Good, you're here,” Gary said as he put his hand on the realtor's shoulder. “Miss Aimes, this is my wife, Theresa.”

“Ex-wife,” I corrected, feeling this tiny sliver of fear work its way into my heart. It was cold and sharp, a painful reminder of the e-mails and the phone calls and the way he stood outside my window and stared. God, Theresa, what are you doing here? Gary's smile faltered but only briefly. Miss Aimes looked confused.

“Theresa, honey, don't be so cruel. I didn't put in the offer without you, now did I?” he said, like this was all some big, stupid joke. I glared at him and forced myself to swallow past the fear.

“You're not buying this house,” I said and Gary held up his hands in surrender.

“Okay, not this house then. I thought you liked it is all. We can look at other houses.”

“We're not looking at anything,” I told him, feeling brave with Nathaniel at my back. It might've been because he was a bodyguard or because he was armed, but I don't think so. I just liked having him there. His presence was comforting. I glanced at him briefly and noticed that he'd taken up an overly professional position with his arms crossed in front of him, sunglasses back in place. I knew it. It's a defense mechanism. “You're leaving. Now.”

“Theresa – ”

“Now!” I said, but the only person that was startled by my voice was Miss Aimes.

“Maybe we'd better call it a day?” she suggested and her voice was mousy and weak. I hope I never sound like that, I thought as Gary's brown eyes found mine. They didn't look the same as they had before, when we'd first met. Back then, they'd be gentle and friendly, warm. Now, they were shiny, too shiny, like Gary wasn't really home. This man might've looked like Gary, talked like Gary, but he wasn't Gary. There was no soul behind those eyes, just want, hunger. It scared me, really scared me.

“Theresa,” he said again and his eyes found Nathaniel, gave him a once over that said volumes about his opinion of the man. “Why don't we talk about this outside?”

“Why don't we,” I said, but my voice had lost some of its oomph. Miss Aimes let us out, carefully locking the door behind us. When she saw Cedric, she nearly had a hear attack. After she was done, she practically ran to her car; she didn't even wait for us to get off the porch.

I stood there with Cedric and Nathaniel at my back, feeling protected but kind of silly, too. What if someone were to drive by and see this? What would they think?

“Theresa,” Gary began, but I cut him off. I really didn't feel like listening to him talk. The things he'd said in his messages and his e-mails had been enough. When he stepped forward, I moved back and he paused. Gary licked his lips and glanced over at my house.

“Please leave me alone,” I said. I didn't beg, just asked. My voice was calm and assertive but not aggressive. Gary's eyes swung back to me and held onto my face, searching for some emotion that I wasn't giving him. The shine was still in his eyes, but he seemed marginally more sane now than he had when he'd been standing outside my house that morning. Maybe he'd started taking his medication? I mean, I didn't know if he had any or not, but it was the most plausible explanation for his flip-flopping behavior. Gary had a mental disorder of some sort, I was sure. “Just stop,” I told him. “I don't love you anymore.” I paused. Love. It was such a strange concept. It was something that should be everlasting, something that could wipe out any disagreement or hurt or pain, and yet, it was, more often than not, the cause of those very things. And in my life, it'd always come in short, little bursts that faded faster than they'd begun. It made me question if I'd ever even had it all. I told Gary so. “In fact, I don't think that I ever loved you, Gary.” It was harsh, and as soon as I said it, I regretted it. Even though I knew it was true.

I felt Nathaniel shift behind me, but he didn't say a thing. Neither did Gary. He just stood there with that strange glaze in his eyes and looked at me like I was the crazy person.

“And we're not getting back together, do you understand that?” Still, no response. “Gary?”

“I love you, Theresa,” he said before he descended the steps and disappeared.





CHAPTER 12

Cedric and I were playing a game of chess when Rhea came through the front door. I stood up quickly and caught sight of her friend's mother, Sheila I think it was, disappearing down the front walk. I'd asked her to walk Rhea to the door, but I guess she hadn't felt the need to say hi to me. I supposed it was because Sheila was one of those lunching, married-to-a-doctor type mothers. She didn't work and spent all day driving around town in her Escalade, shopping. I, on the other hand, was a twice divorced single mom with a business to run. I wasn't included in her preppy little club which was fine by me, but I still found her behavior rude. It's why I always took Jamie to school functions. “Oh, you're a doctor?” she would say and put her arm around my waist, making me fidget. “Well, I'm a lawyer. And a lesbian. Ever get some from a chick? Beats nasty old dick any day.” I sighed at the memory and watched to make sure that Rhea locked the door behind her. No sign of Gary since the house incident, but I wasn't going to write him off just yet.