Broken Pasts(16)

“Just Joel,” I said, trying to lighten the situation. “I bet he's just mad that we beat him tonight. What do you think?” Rhea nodded and stuffed the massive lollipop that she'd won from a claw machine into her mouth. Joking aside, Joel had seemed just the slightest bit ticked off that we'd won. Apparently Jamie had been right: having Nathaniel on The McMaster Lizards had been a double blessing. Not only had my game been better because of him, but he was an awesome bowler.

“It's okay,” Nathaniel said, calm as always. “Just relax. It's an intimidation tactic. If there's one thing these … ” He paused as if considering his words carefully. Trying to talk secretively in front of a nine year old is not the easiest thing to do. “These bowlers like to do. It's to make you feel scared or upset. Oftentimes, that's their only motivation. They want you to feel small because it makes them feel big.”

“Like a bully?” Rhea asked and Nathaniel nodded.

“Exactly like a bully,” he said as we turned right and started back towards the house. I didn't like the idea of leading Gary back there, but then, it wasn't as if the location of my house was a secret or anything. Besides, if Nathaniel said it was going to be okay then it was. Call me stupid for wanting to trust him, but it really did make sense from a psychological level. He'd failed to save his wife from her ex-husband and now he had the chance to save me from mine. Even with just the redemption factor in place, it was worth it for him to be right about this, to protect me. That's not even mentioning the face that he was getting paid to do it. Or that he had an interest in me. I shivered involuntarily and then had to deal with Rhea's raised eyebrows.

“It's hot in here,” she said without any further explanation as I forced myself to keep my gaze forward and off of Gary's silver BMW. I don't know where the white car from the previous nights had come from, but he was back in his own vehicle now and he was riding our tail like nobody's business.

“Please tell me you have some cute bumper sticker about how you're going to kick his … ” I looked down at Rhea's inquisitive face and altered what I was about to say. “Butt if he keeps tailgating us.”

“Unfortunately no,” Nathaniel said with a small smile that I caught in the rearview mirror. “But I could still kick his butt when we get back to your house if that's what you want. We'll just say he was threatening you and call it a day.” I smiled back at him and forced myself to keep my hands folded gently in my lap. I could see how the stress of this could kill a person. I decided to try and flirt with Nathaniel again. It had worked beautifully at the bowling alley. It was as if since he was being forced to play the part of the 'boyfriend', that he could let himself go and just enjoy being with me. I wondered if it would still work with just Rhea as an audience member.

“Would you join me for a terrible romantic comedy this evening?” I asked. “It's kind of tradition that Jamie and I go home and each watch a different one after bowling, so we have something to talk about in the morning. We've done it for years.” I waited impatiently for Nathaniel's response. Bodyguard warred with boyfriend for a moment as we paused at a stoplight. Finally, he answered me and it wasn't what I wanted to hear.

“Under different circumstances … ” he started and I held up my hands, hoping that he was glancing back at me.

“That's okay,” I said, not wanting him to feel the need to explain. I didn't know why I'd even asked. He'd be there anyway, standing behind me and staring at the wall. He'd hear most of the good parts, either way. Besides, most movies were bad enough that they weren't much better than staring at a blank wall.

“I know you're probably getting tired of hearing that,” Nathaniel supplied, and I could tell that he felt the need to explain himself whether I wanted him to or not. “But with this … ” He gestured vaguely towards the back of the car, and I nodded. “I don't know if it's safe.”

“Right,” I said and was suddenly convinced that the world had it out for me. Either that or I was just embarrassed at getting turned down. It was probably for the best anyway. What kind of woman falls in love while she's being stalked by her ex? It just didn't seem right though I knew logic wouldn't play a part in any of my decisions. It never did, especially when it came to love. Not that I thought I was in love with Nathaniel, of course. But I was definitely in lust. I hadn't had daytime sex fantasies ever. Now I was spending half my idle time wondering what Nathaniel looked like under all that suit. I was guessing he waxed, or at least shaved. I couldn't imagine a hairy chest or back on the man. “But I am going to start asking for rain checks.” Nathaniel grinned and I could tell the expression was genuine, even if I couldn't see most of it.

“I could definitely agree to that,” he said and I felt my heart skip a beat, just one, but it was enough that I took notice. It was nice to know that the poor thing wasn't too wounded to get up and try again. It had been beaten, bruised, and bloodied, broken in two and wrapped up again, but it was still there, still thumping away for one more chance at that perfect kiss, that perfect person that could take the darkness and the bad memories and the anger and push it all away again, bring out the sun and light up my soul.



***

“Two freaking days, Jamie,” I said as I carefully applied my eyeliner and batted my lashes at my reflection. “You can't even remotely pretend that I know the guy after two days.”

“Three days,” Jamie corrected me as she slurped something noisily in my ear. I adjusted the volume on the phone as she continued to talk. Convincing me to have sex with Nathaniel had now become her number one priority. I kind of thought it was because she really wanted to f*ck him and so was living vicariously through me, but I didn't say anything aloud. Partially that was because Nathaniel was standing just outside the bathroom door and partially because I knew Jamie would kill me if I said it. “And you're thinking about it all wrong. How long does a first date usually last?”

“A good one or a bad one?”

“Why does that matter?”

“The bad ones always last longer.” Jamie sighed.

“A good one then,” she said as she started chewing. “A great one, an amazing one, one where you hit it off right away, find each other attractive, and have a lot in common. One where you just can't wait to jump into bed together and start humping.”

“Dear god,” I said as fluffed my hair and pouted my lips. I'd found an aquamarine dress in the back of my closet, a sleeveless one with a square neckline that showed off my breasts and complimented my skin. I hadn't looked this hot since I'd met Glen, since I was a teenager. “I'll pretend you didn't just say that and answer the question. Say we do the standard dinner and a movie thing, I'd say about four hours, tops.”

“Okay, so barring the time with Cedric and time to sleep, you've spent say, forty-eight waking hours with Nathaniel?” I could see where this was going, so I rolled my eyes.

“I'm hanging up now.”

“That's the equivalent of twelve dates, Theresa.”

“Goodbye Jamie.”

“Think about it.” I hung up the phone, turned off the sink and the fan and opened the door to find Nathaniel staring at me. He was smiling and didn't look at all like a bodyguard, more like a very close friend with a secret to tell.

“You don't have to pretend to go to the bathroom to get some privacy,” he told me as he stepped out of my way and allowed me to pass by him and into the kitchen. After I'd dropped Rhea off at her friend's house for a play date, I'd come back to the house for awhile, intending to get most of my work done from home. It was easier than facing Gary's gaunt face. He'd sat outside all night long in his car, just waiting for me to come outside. When I had that morning, he'd gotten out and sat on the hood. When I'd come back, he'd done the same. It made me want to turn the house into a fortress, barricade all the doors and windows and just hide away. Nathaniel wouldn't let me, but he also couldn't force me to go anywhere, show the world what was happening. A couple of Glen's friends worked at the office next door to mine. If they saw what was going on, they'd tell him. That was for sure. It was Saturday, so maybe I was being paranoid, but I wasn't going to take any chances.

“What are you talking about?” I asked as I poured myself a cup of coffee and pretended not to be mortified. I sipped it black, savoring the bitter bite on my tongue. I found myself glancing at the clock and realized that it was almost time for him to leave. Disappointment flooded through me and I felt a frown cross my lips before I could stop it. Nathaniel just kept this wicked, little smile on his face.

“I can assure you that if you request it, I won't listen in on your conversations.” I bet you're wrong about that. You'd definitely want to hear about these ones, I thought, but I said nothing aloud.