Broken Pasts(22)

“Since Gillian died?” Nathaniel filled in for me. “No. Not even one.” I looked up at him sharply and blurted the first thing that came to mind.

“Weren't you lonely?” I asked him, taking my own life experience and applying it like a road map over his. When one lover leaves, you move onto the next because life is going to happen whether you want it to or not, and it's too hard if it happens when you're all alone.

“Desperately so,” he said and we locked gazes right there in the restaurant and something passed between us. I don't know what it was, but it made me sit a little taller, push out my chest a little further, smile a little wider. This is ridiculous! You can't be interested in this man. You can't; you just can't. Remember your New Year's Resolution. I glanced away.

“Oh.” That's all I said because I was treading in unfamiliar territory here. With Nathaniel. With myself.

“I loved her too much to move on,” he said with a bitter tone. It wasn't directed at me. At least, I didn't think it was. His voice held too much old hurt, too much pain. This was probably something he'd heard before from his parents, siblings, friends. Move on. People told me to do that when I lost the baby, when I lost Glen, when I lost my chance to be happy. I'd tried. I'd gone out and I'd dated and I'd built the business and I'd found Gary. And look where that had gotten me? I was still lonely.

“She must've been great?” I asked and I noticed that Nathaniel's eyes softened, and I watched in wonder as he reached out and took one of my hands in his. It was just a light touch, gentle and soft, but there was a heat behind it that was frightening. Here we were talking about his dead wife and how he'd never dated anyone and yet, he was touching my hand. And he'd kissed me last night at the club. We hadn't talked about it, but it was in the air between us, hanging like smoke. You might be able to see through it, but you knew it was there.

“Let's talk about something else,” Nathaniel offered softly.

“Like Gary?” I asked because I was absolutely, one hundred percent convinced that this conversation was soon going to be steered back towards my case. After all, Nathaniel had turned me down more than once. The very fact that we were at breakfast together was strange enough. I kind of just assumed that he brought me out to see if Gary would show up. I mean, this wasn't really a date, was it?

“No,” Nathaniel said, leaning back and cocking his head to the side. “I think we've talked enough about Gary.” He paused and flashed me a guilty smile. “For now. I mean, I'm not going to forget about your case or anything. I just … ” He paused and sat there looking back at me from green eyes, one arm resting on the back of the booth, the other sitting on the table. The suit hid his arms from view and I was starting to think that although he looked damn good in it, that that was a shame because Nathaniel Sutherland was built to impress. He had well muscled arms, but they had a different look to them, like they weren't just vanity muscles. They were long and lean and ready to kick some ass. It was the difference between a man who lifted weights to get big and a man who just lived a lifestyle.

“You just … ” I supplied, wanting very much to hear what he had to say. I had butterflies in my stomach. I hadn't had those since seventh grade. The man was absolutely intoxicating. What can I say?

“I just like you,” Nathaniel said and I swear, I nearly melted into that chair. He leaned forward and put both hands on the tabletop. “I shouldn't be saying that. I shouldn't even be here. I should have never followed you to the club last night. It wasn't my business, Theresa. If you dismiss us, that's it. We don't get a say in your well-being unless you ask for it. You could've fired me or sued me. You still could, but I can't stop thinking about you.”

“Because I look like her?” I ventured even though I didn't think that was it. I had to hear him say it though, hear him tell me that he was interested in Theresa McMaster, not Gillian Sutherland. Nathaniel looked at my hands like he wanted to touch them again, but he didn't. He sat back carefully and shook his head.

“You do, but that isn't it. I mean, I'd be lying if I didn't say it helped.” Nathaniel smiled at me and paused while the waiter set our plates down in front of us. “But that's not the only reason. There's just something about you that attracts me.” I choked on my water and nearly spit it across the table at him.

“My life is so messed up, Nathaniel. You don't want to get involved.”

“I already am,” he said as he picked up his fork and stared down at his food. He wasn't seeing it though. Nathaniel's eyes were clouded with memories. When he looked up at me there was a fierce determination burning there that made my heart skip a couple of beats. “I care whether you live or die, Theresa, and not because you paid me to and not because of my wife. I just can't stand the thought of you getting hurt. I'm not asking you to marry me. I just want to give it a shot. What do you say?”

“What are you asking exactly?” I asked as I started stabbing at my plate with the crooked fork. “For me to be your girlfriend?” It sounded strange, even to me, like I was way beyond that point. I had a kid and a business and two ex-husbands who weren't worth their salt. “I don't know, Nathaniel,” I told him. “I like you, but I … I don't know if I can do the whole dating thing right now. You know what I mean?” He nodded, but he didn't say a word. Not one, single word.





CHAPTER 15

Nathaniel took me to an indoor/outdoor shooting range on the edge of town with a big black sign labeled simply, Tate's. The parking lot was nearly empty, not surprising considering it was Monday, but it didn't make me feel any less nervous.

“I've never even fired a gun before,” I told Nathaniel as he pulled into a front space and shut off the engine. He glanced over at me and smiled, one hand on the keys in the ignition, the other on the wheel.

“A woman as intelligent as you should have no problem picking it up,” he said as his smile shifted from friendly to dirty. “You just hold it in your hands and squeeze.” Nathaniel winked at me and opened up his door, stepping out onto the pavement before I could respond. That nasty bastard, I thought as I followed him out, gun case in one hand, purse in the other. As my heels hit the pavement, I realized that I might be a tad overdressed. There was a woman getting out of a massive Ford pickup next to us, her brown hair tucked into a hat, a T-shirt and jeans on her lithe body. Meanwhile, there I was in a pale blue dress with polka dots and a pair of nude pumps on my feet. The woman smiled at me, but it wasn't nice. More like a You are so out of your element kind of a smile.

I watched as her eyes shifted up and over my shoulder, found Nathaniel and widened, just a bit.

“Are you okay?” he asked me as he came around the front of the car and paused on my left side.

“I look like a 50's housewife,” I whispered as I watched jeans-girl pull a long, black bag out of her truck. She was catching little glances over her shoulder, eyeing Nathaniel with an undisguised bit of interest. I forced myself to keep my hackles down and out for the count. Can't be jealous of someone that doesn't belong to you, Theresa.

I turned to Nathaniel and watched his gaze sweep me from head to toe and back again. He didn't look disappointed. In fact, when his eyes found my face again, they were sparkling.

“As long as you're not getting the urge to ask, How was your day, dear? then I think you're okay.” I smiled and lifted my gun case.

“Oh, hell no,” I told him. “More like, tell me how to load this f*cking thing.”

“I'll show you everything,” Nathaniel told me as he held out his hand. “Don't worry about that.” I hesitated for just a moment, found jeans-girl's eyes watching us inquisitively, and took it.

Nathaniel's skin was warm against mine, sending little spurts of electricity up my arm and goose bumps springing up all across my skin. He made me feel ten years younger and a thousand worries lighter. Why, I don't know. I didn't believe in love at first sight, but the first moment I'd laid eyes on Nathaniel, I had sensed that there was something about him, and it was getting harder and harder to ignore.

We checked in at the counter inside, grabbed a few pairs of earmuffs, some ammunition, and headed out the opposite door into the sunshine.

The shooting range was directly off one of the major highways and from the outside, it appeared to be just like any other industrial shop this side of town. Tall, brick walls and a massive cement parking lot. To say the least, it wasn't very aesthetically pleasing. But the back was different. There was a massive expanse of green lawn bordered on two sides by hulking stone walls decorated from end to end in wildlife murals. Across from us, at the end of the range, was a wooded thicket, probably the last bastion of nature in this entire area. It was impossible to tell from the highway how beautiful it was back here.