Be a Doll(111)

“I made a mess of things,’’ I said, eyes deep on hers as not to escape her pain even if it made my own all the more vivid. I deserved it if I hurt her, if I made her feel just a smidgen of what I had been feeling these past two weeks, then I deserved a lot more than shouldering her pain and mine. “It was never my intention to break your heart. A broken heart hurts so much, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.’’ I traced the rings under her eyes matching my own. “Will you let me mend your heart and give a chance for mine to beat for you as long as you want me?’’

“Mathis…’’ Her hands squeezed my forearms as her brows lowered further. “You can’t promise me anything when you’re dealing with a lot already. Don’t make me a promise you can’t keep.’’

“I’m not promising you anything but doing my best for you. I promise to take care of your heart because it’s the most precious thing you could ever give me. Isn’t that what anybody promises when they start a meaningful relationship? I’m in love with you, Lila. I can’t give you a big speech to convince you because I’m not wired like that. I can’t show you the depth of my feelings for you with words because I believe actions speak louder in this instance and only you can give me a chance to show you. I can’t promise you forever because we both know how life can screw us over and tilt our world upside down, but I can promise you to love you with everything I am, broken, lost and every other piece in between. I can promise you to give you all that I am because I have no more secrets. You uncovered me as a whole, Lila.’’ I breathed deeply and touched a strand of her smooth hair, tugging it behind her delicate ear and the small diamond earring there. “I can give you the time you need to think it over and if you want to go forth with the divorce, I’ll make a call to my lawyer to send you the papers. I… wasn’t able to go through with it yet. A part of me hoped something would happen to bring you back to me, but my father made me realize that I owed it to you as much as myself to give you a choice instead of calling the shots.’’

“Your father?’’

I nodded and pulled back, my fingers tingling and itching when my skin left hers. My nature told me that I should kiss her until she forgot everything and let me have her, but using sex and our lust wouldn’t be right. I didn’t want her to be with me because I fucked her well. I wanted her to be with me because her heart died without me, just like mine cried out in pain in my chest as I took a step back, keeping her in my line of sight a little while longer.

The wind hit her from behind, dislodging the small strand of hair I had put behind her ear. I watched it hit her face before she pushed it back with unsteady fingers. She was gorgeous, not just because she was a beautiful, sexy and classy woman, but because she was strong, good and still held hope even when life had mistreated her greatly. A woman like her would make any man fall to his knees for her. I wouldn’t have been able to open up and fall for another woman.

“Wait,’’ she said, her voice carried away from me by the wind, but I read the word on her plush lips.

I stopped there, tensing, hoping. “What?’’ I pressed on when she didn’t say another word.

She closed the space between us again and reached up, getting on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around my neck and tucking her face in the crook of my neck. She breathed out into my skin and I shivered, wrapping her tightly in my arms, silently begging her to never let me drop my arms from around her.

“Please, don’t ever drop me, Mathis. I may not be a doll like Carter Manor wanted me to be, but my heart is as fragile as a china doll. Don’t make me regret my love for you.’’

I closed my eyelids tightly and buried my face against her shoulder, crouching to better envelope her in me. “Believe me, I’m a lot more fragile than you think, probably more fragile than you are.’’ I kissed her just under her little ear. She trembled in my arms and I never wanted to crawl in someone else’s before, but she made me want to so I could be as close to her as I possibly could. “Thank you for giving me a chance, Lila.’’

I forgot that we were in the middle of a sidewalk in Boston. I forgot that Lucas was waiting nearby leaning against a rented car. I forgot about Lila’s bodyguard lurking somewhere. I didn’t think about business or Carter Manor. Lila was the only one on my mind, filling my heart and giving my breath back.

Selfishly, nothing else mattered but Lila and me.





LILA


One year later…



I stared at my husband with disbelief written all over my face. My fingers slackened around the tiny piece of soft fabric in my hands. “What does this mean?’’

His smile tensed, the smile that I had seen more and more every day since Boston, a smile that had nothing to do with his usual smirk. His smirk only appeared when he had a wicked idea and he was preparing to talk dirty to me or touch me inappropriately in an inappropriate place, usually public. Over the past year, I had learned to discover Mathis, the real Mathis he had buried under years of unsolved grief. He was still sometimes distant and cold, still a businessman to be feared and he still needed his control, but he was also playful, kind, sweet and so full of love I never went a day without knowing exactly how he felt about me, how he needed me in his life. He often said that my fire warmed him, but he lit up my world and made me see beyond the darkness and the gray areas I had thought was the world around me. He made me crave everything life had to offer and made me love him more every day.