Atonement(36)
I laughed out loud. “You were the best kind of bastard because at least you didn’t marry her and leave her in the end with a couple of kids and a bad marriage behind both of you. I think a lot of what we do is so we can maintain a certain image in life. I’ve never wanted to be one of those people who is just in a relationship because it’s better than being alone. Being on your own is definitely underrated especially if you aren’t happy in your partnership.”
“Well, I think we can both agree on that one.” He fell silent for a moment before he stared at me again. “Why have you been alone so long? Is it because you didn’t think you would find someone as great as Drew or was it a more of a selfish motivation? Perhaps you thought you would come to your senses and decide he’s the best you could do?”
“No, it was nothing like that. To be honest, I just didn’t feel like dating. Not after we broke up. I didn’t want to deal with the headache or the aggravation and then we came to our deal of doing the ‘friends with benefits’ thing and it worked for a long time. Then my dad died and dating wasn’t even on the radar at that point. I mean, I realized if I had someone…a boyfriend that is…at least I could share how I was feeling but then I thought the sex part would get in the way. I haven’t truly felt sexual in a long time. I blamed the anti-depressants and your father switched me from Zoloft to Wellbutrin and I noticed a difference but only slightly.
“Anyway, about a month ago, we re-evaluated my need for anti-depressants and he’s taken me off everything except Xanax for the panic attacks but that isn’t an anti-depressant, it merely treats anxiety. I have been feeling okay and I really think I’m ready to take the next steps to form a happy relationship but you are so freaking me out on this marriage thing. I don’t know…how do you know I’m the one? We barely know one another and yet…I don’t feel like you’re this strange guy. You seem like a sweet and considerate gentleman—just what the doctor ordered.”
“You don’t need me to go all alpha male on you?” Colin teased with a twinkle in his crystal blue eyes.
I smirked. “I’d rather you not. Alpha males are great in romance novels but at this point in my life, I think I prefer a man who will treat me as his equal yet not be afraid to call the shots in the bedroom. Does that make sense?”
He leaned towards me. “That is certainly doable and the way you describe that, you make it sound sexy as hell.”
We both laughed again and continued to hold hands. For some reason, it felt right and I always went with my gut instinct. It had never steered me wrong before.
THE FLIGHT TO Oslo wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be sitting in the upgraded economy section. The plane was almost full but Colin and I still managed to get great seats. I sat next to the window and he sat beside me. We usually maintained some form of body contact since he was very warm and I was freezing. I hadn’t really planned my wardrobe that well because I’d assumed we would have been in the south of France before I knew it but I still could have used a nice wool sweater. The weather was barely manageable in a pair of blue jeans and a long sleeved tee-shirt.
We arrived late evening and we quickly navigated ourselves outside where we picked up a taxi and took it to Colin’s grandparents’ house. I loved the place already. Though it was a suburb, there were trees everywhere and the snow had melted although the temps were still cold. We arrived to a high of forty degrees that night and the day temps weren’t much better, usually a high of fifty degrees according to the usual pattern of weather in late May.
Colin’s grandparents lived out on property which stood right beside a lake in a very dense and woodsy area. Their cottage, beautifully re-stored and built in a log cabin design, was large and roomy from the outside. Inside, it was more beautiful. There was an open layout which consisted of a sitting room, study, large modern kitchen and dining room downstairs which also had a half-bath for guests with a toilet and a sink.
Upstairs, there were three large, well kept bedrooms. The place was amazing and the furniture suited the rustic look of the house. The place, overflowed with a sense of love, warmth and photographs. There were photos of Colin’s dad, my therapist, plastered throughout the house, along with photos of Liam and Colin.
Colin introduced me to them using Dutch before they said a few words to him and switched to English.
“It’s very nice to meet you,” his grandmother greeted warmly. “I am Laurina, and you are free to call me that. There aren’t many formalities in this house.”