As She Fades(31)

“No, Vale, I’m not. I was here waiting on you.”

Oh.

I stood there thinking about that a moment before responding. Did I want him to wait on me? No. I didn’t want my name attached to his as one of his many one-nighters. It may already be, but I didn’t need to make it worse.

“Why?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I just needed to see you. Talk to you.”

“You were on a date tonight,” I pointed out.

He shrugged. “That doesn’t mean I don’t miss you.”

Well, it meant he was confusing me. Completely.

“Slate, what is this? Why are you doing this? You want to be friends, then you just ignore me. Now you show up here missing me. I didn’t go anywhere. You chose to stay away from me.”

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “I know.”

This conversation was frustrating. I had worked all night and I wanted a shower and my bed. I started to go back inside.

“Vale, don’t. Please.” His voice was what got me, more so than his words.

I stopped, and with hesitation looked back at him.

“I don’t know what … how … you’re different. I want to see you, every day. But I can’t do a relationship. That’s not me.”

It was me. But it was me with Crawford. Not me with someone else. I wasn’t ready for a relationship with someone other than Crawford yet. How could I demand something I wasn’t prepared to do? Crawford would eventually wake up. I wasn’t giving up hope of that. Then what?

“I can’t do one, either,” I said simply.

“I understand that.”

Where did that leave us? Was I just supposed to accept him dating a different girl every night and still do things like date him and kiss him? Could I even do that?

“Can we date? Just not exclusive? See each other more?” He paused, then a small smile touched his lips. “And I want to touch you. I fucking dream about touching you.”

My heart slammed so hard against my chest I lost my breath for a moment. He wanted to touch me and the images suddenly running through my head were taking over. I wanted that, too. So I decided right then that yes, I could do that. It was all I could promise too. Asking for more was unfair when there was Crawford. Each day he didn’t wake up made it seem more real that he may never wake up. The longer he stayed in the coma, the worse the outcome. But I wasn’t ready to say that he never would. I wasn’t letting him go. Even if I realized now that things with us hadn’t been perfect. I had done so much to make him happy. I had changed me. I wanted to be me again. There was a chance he may not want that when he woke up. But I knew now I had to stop letting him make all the decisions.

“Yes,” I replied. I didn’t think about the repercussions or how I’d feel when I saw him with other girls. At that moment I just thought about how it felt to be with Slate and that my sadness seemed to dissipate when he was around.

He closed the distance I’d put between us, then placed his hands on my waist to pull me closer to him. Before I could even take a deep breath to calm my racing heart, his mouth was back on mine and I was holding on to his biceps again for fear my knees would give out on me.

This was enough. It was all either of us could promise the other right now. Or ever. That made my heart twist and I couldn’t think about why. Facing my feelings for Slate meant accepting things were changing for me. If Crawford woke up, I would go back to him. That was what I did know.





CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

BREAKFAST? WAS THE text that woke me up the next morning. It was Saturday and after ten, so it was time for me to crawl out of bed anyway.

I’d replied Yes. And then got up and quickly dressed. In the dark. Like always.

Slate met me outside my dorm with a cup of coffee twenty minutes later. After last night I wasn’t sure what to expect next, but this had not been it. His slightly-too-long dark hair was tucked behind his ears, and he wore a tight gray T-shirt with the Kappa Sigma crest on the front. The jeans he was wearing weren’t bad either. He definitely turned heads when he wore them.

“Morning,” he said with a sleepy smile. It was well after ten now, but it was still too early for him.

“Good morning and thank you,” I replied, taking the coffee.

“Sleep good?”

I nodded and took a sip. I had actually slept really well. I wasn’t sure if it was exhaustion or my decision to date Slate.

“You good with going in to Nashville and getting something to eat?”

The only other good breakfast place around here was the one where I had run out on him, and I didn’t want to remember that.

“Sure,” I replied.

“I need to go see my uncle, too. He’s back in the hospital. The chemo has been hard on him. Want to ride with me? Maybe stop by and see your folks?”

That I hadn’t planned on. Going back home and facing Crawford and my memories. I missed my parents and seeing them would be nice. Slate needed to see his uncle, and he obviously didn’t want to go alone.

“Okay,” I said before I could talk myself out of it.

“I’d like you to meet Uncle D. I told him about you this summer and he’s curious.”

“You told him about me?” I asked, surprised.

“Hell yeah, you were the most interesting thing happening up at the hospital.”