As She Fades(27)

I didn’t want to talk anymore. I wanted to go hide in my room for the next four years.

The Pancake Haven smelled of butter, syrup, and fried potatoes. Slate led me to a booth farthest from the door. I didn’t make eye contact with him until the waitress walked up and asked us what we wanted to drink. I went with coffee, since I figured I wouldn’t sleep much tonight anyway.

“I don’t date, Vale. I hook up. It’s the way I do things,” he said as the waitress walked off.

I nodded. I had nothing to say to that.

“You and me … we click. I enjoy being around you. I like you. I liked you this summer in the hospital. But you’re a dating kind of girl. All you’ve ever known is a relationship. I can’t do that.”

“Why?” I asked before I could stop myself.

He sighed and leaned back in the booth. “Because it’s not me. I like freedom.”

He was honest and I had no right to judge. “Okay.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Okay, that’s all you’re going to say?”

I shrugged. “What else is there to say?”

He ran his thumb along his jawline as he studied me. “I still want to see you.”

“We’re friends. We can stay friends. Just because I think I may eventually be ready to date doesn’t mean I can’t be your friend, too.” Where had that come from? Seriously, had I just said I was going to date? What was wrong with me?

A frown line appeared between his brows. “Date?”

I was as surprised as he was. But I continued blabbering words I didn’t know I felt, yet they flew out of my mouth just the same. “Yes. I think … I think it is time for me to date. I don’t know when Crawford will wake up. He wouldn’t want me to live frozen. I don’t plan on getting serious with anyone, but I think I need to date. He’s all I’ve ever known.”

“So who are you going to date? Charlie?”

I shrugged. I doubted after I left him tonight that I’d be dating him. All I had thought about was wanting Slate earlier. But that had been cleared up when he made sure I understood he wasn’t dating.

“I don’t know,” I replied as the waitress set our coffee down in front of us.

“Have you decided on what you want to eat?” she asked.

“No, give us some more time, please”—he paused and checked her name tag—“Mary,” he added.

She smiled and blushed. I didn’t blame her. “Okay,” she said, her voice going a little high-pitched.

“You’ve only ever been with Crawford. You have to be careful who you go out with. Guys can’t be trusted.” He sounded so earnest and sincere. Like he was telling me something vitally important, and I needed to get it.

“I’m not putting an ad in the paper or anything,” I replied, slightly annoyed.

“This is serious. Trust me on this. If you’re going to date, then at least let me clear him first.”

I wish I could have laughed at that. But the fact that he had just sounded like one of my older brothers stung so badly, I wasn’t sure I could take a deep breath. The first guy other than Crawford who I’d developed feelings for saw me as a sister. Until tonight and this moment, I hadn’t been able to admit I had feelings for Slate.

I hadn’t been ready for all this to hit me at once. I needed to leave. I slipped my clutch back on my wrist.

“I, uh, get it. I have four older brothers. I don’t need a fifth. But I’d like to go home. You stay and eat. I’ll … uh, catch up with you later.”

I barely looked at him while speaking, then slipped out of the booth and hurried to the exit. I needed an escape. There was no taxi line out here, so I just started walking. When I got far enough away I would call Mae. Or Google a taxi number. Something. I just wasn’t staying here.





CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

“VALE!” I WAS expecting that. My dramatic exit was simply because I needed to get away from him before I burst into tears. But I knew he’d come running after me. I had just hoped I’d get farther before he could pay and chase me.

I stopped walking because he would catch me anyway. Staring ahead at the dark road leading toward campus, I took several calming breaths and tried to tell myself I hadn’t just acted like an idiot.

“What the hell?” he said as he slowed from his run to stop beside me.

The hell was I liked him. A lot. I wasn’t used to this. That was what the hell was.

“I was worried about you. Did I miss something or does my concern give you reason to run down the fucking interstate in the dark?” He threw his arm out toward the road I was headed on. Oops. Guess I hadn’t been going toward campus.

“I don’t need another brother,” I blurted out.

“You mentioned that. But I’m not trying to be a brother. Not even close.”

That made my chest ease a little. Not enough.

“I’m capable of choosing the right guys to date,” I added.

He looked skeptical. “This is your first time. I just … I just want you safe.”

“Why, Slate? Why do you care? Why did you bring me coffees, and text me, and come around? Why did you make me like you? Why? What was your purpose? To prove you could and then let me down?” I really hadn’t meant to say all that, but it gushed out anyway.