As She Fades(28)

He stared at me like I was speaking another language. Did he really not see that he’d done just that? It all started with that damn coffee in the hospital.

“You needed coffee and you were alone. I wanted to do something to help.”

That was all he was going to say to all I’d just thrown at him?

“Well, you helped,” I said bitterly. Maybe too much. I started walking again. This conversation was pointless.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“To my room,” I replied.

“We’re about ten miles from the dorm.”

Well, crap.

“I’ll get us a taxi,” he told me, and instead of walking into the dark all alone I stopped and turned back around.

“Fine.”

“Vale,” he said with a sigh. “Don’t do this.”

“Do what?” Be honest? Was he against honesty?

“You know what. I like us. We work. I just can’t be more than what we are.”

“What are we, Slate?”

“Friends. Really damn good friends.”

Fine. That was what we were. I could live with it. This was a part of the dating years I never experienced. Wanting a guy who didn’t return the feelings.

“Okay. Then, friend, can you get me back to my room? I really want a shower and my bed.”

He pulled out his phone and made a call. When he was finished, he nodded back to Pancake Haven. “We need to go wait there. That’s the pickup.”

I started walking back feeling silly and hurt all at once.

“This isn’t going to change us, is it?” he asked, walking too close. He smelled good.

“No,” I said, wondering if that was true.

“You’re important to me, Vale. I didn’t plan on that, but you are.”

“Okay,” and I wanted to say, You, too, but I didn’t.

The taxi came fast, so no more awkward conversation about things staying the same. I got out my phone and sent Mae a text along with Charlie. Then I checked my e-mails and Instagram to keep busy. Luckily Slate didn’t try to talk.

When the taxi finally pulled up to my dorm, I slipped my phone into my purse and forced a smile before looking up at Slate. “Thanks for the ride. See you around.” That was the best I could do.

The best he could do was let me go. And he did.

*

WHEN I CRAWLED into bed about an hour later, I picked up the photo of me and Crawford by my bed. “I miss you,” I whispered. Then I opened the drawer on my bedside table and slipped it inside. Tonight I would cry. For Crawford and all we lost. And for finding someone else who I could have loved, but who would never give me the chance.

It is a weird thing to mourn a relationship that never was. I didn’t know this could happen, but it was real, and it was painful. When I woke up it would all be fresh. A new day. A time to find myself and learn to be happy. Life had dealt me some difficult cards, but I was going to find my own path now.

I didn’t need a guy to complete me. I never did. I just never had the opportunity to find that out. Until now.





CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

OVER THE NEXT week Slate texted a simple Hey, what you doing?

I had waited hours to reply. Finally I texted, Studying.

And that had been it. No more small talk or attempting to keep things as they were. They had actually never been much. He had made sure to not let me get too close.

Focusing on my classes and finding a job had become my way to get through the week without thinking about him. Too much. The job search wasn’t so difficult. Mae had hooked me up easily enough and tonight I started my first shift. They were throwing me to the weekend crowd on my first night, but Mae would be training me so I wasn’t too nervous.

The uniform for Polly’s was black shorts that I wished were a few inches longer and a tight blue T-shirt that said POLLY’S BAR AND GRILL on the front. I had asked for a looser shirt, but Mae had explained that Polly herself wanted the shirts tight. It kept the male customers happy. There were televisions all around the place playing different sports and there was beer. I didn’t see why we had to dress a certain way to make men happy. They had beer, burgers, and sports. What more did they need?

Mae told me not to complain—the outfit helped with the tips. I was thankful that I had a job and I was getting to work with my friend.

The night started off easy enough. I followed Mae around and watched her work. The computer system for putting in the orders was the only thing that made me nervous. I took mental notes each time she used it, hoping I would get it right when I was doing this by myself. I wanted to start writing these notes down, but that didn’t seem like a good idea. Especially when Mae didn’t even write drink orders on paper. She just remembered them.

Seven tables and two hours into the night I was relaxing a bit when Mae turned to me and smiled. “There’s a table for you to take on your own. It’ll be good practice.”

I wasn’t ready for a table alone and I started to tell her that when my eyes met Charlie’s and I understood. She was letting me practice on her brother and his friends.

“Oh. Okay. I think I can handle them.”

Mae smiled, nodded in their direction, and walked into the kitchen. I pulled out the little notepad that she had given me, which I had never seen her use. I wasn’t ready to memorize orders. I had to remember how to work that computer first.