As She Fades(13)

That stung. Deep. I had no words for that, so I managed a weak nod and left the room. Remembering the problems in our life wasn’t easy. Because although I loved Crawford, things hadn’t been easy before. His mother adored him, and because of that, she wasn’t always happy with me. I never did seem to treat him the way she thought I should. Although I tried so hard to make him happy.

Was I thinking of only myself by staying here?





CHAPTER TEN

NO ONE CONFESSED to turning off my alarm. Knox seemed to be the obvious culprit, so I hid my clock under my pillow to make sure it wouldn’t happen again. As for his leaving Crawford early, Dylan had gotten a flat tire on the interstate with both the twins in the car with him. He’d needed backup so he could get the tire changed. So Knox hadn’t been in as much trouble as I first assumed.

However, when Knox came walking up with Slate at nine thirty, I was a little confused. He was supposed to be reading to Crawford today at ten. He’d told me last night he was making up for leaving yesterday. So why did he have Slate here again?

Slate handed me a cup of coffee. “Morning, Vale.”

“Good morning, and thank you,” I replied, still trying to figure out if Slate had just bumped into Knox or if they were here together.

“Figured if I was coming in early for another reading session, you could use some good coffee.”

Another reading session? I jerked my gaze to Knox. I didn’t need to say anything for him to understand my thoughts. He put both his hands in the air as if to hold me off him. “Don’t look at me. Juliet called me last night and said the doctors had said Crawford’s brain waves had more action yesterday in the hour of ten to eleven than normal. Whatever had happened needed to repeat itself.” He nodded toward Slate. “Slate happened—so here he is to read again and see if it works.”

Slate? Crawford’s brain waves were picking up for Slate? Seriously?

“What did you read him again?“I asked, trying not to be jealous.

He held up the magazine in his hand. “College football.”

Knox read him that all the time. It made no sense.

“I don’t understand,” I said, finding myself trying not to be angry with Slate. It wasn’t like he did something wrong.

“I told Juliet it was Slate reading during that time and why, and she asked if he’d come back. So I went to him thinking I’d need to bribe him—but being the great guy he is, he agreed to return. So let’s see if this works a second time.”

I wanted to go in there, too. But I knew Juliet wouldn’t let me. She’d want it to happen just like yesterday.

I sank down into a chair and took a drink of my coffee. It should be me who Crawford responded to. It should be my voice that brought him out of the coma. Because he wanted to be with me.

“I’m going to introduce Slate to Juliet. I’ll be back out in a minute and we can go to the cafeteria and grab some food—no arguments,” Knox told me.

I would argue, but I didn’t have it in me. I was too hurt. Silly to be hurt over this, but I was. Maybe Crawford didn’t want me to stay. Maybe he did want me to go to college. Was I being selfish? Juliet had accused me several times over the years of being selfish. Not thinking of Crawford’s needs. When in reality I was going to the college Crawford wanted to go to. I always had gone to the places he wanted and eaten at the restaurants he wanted. I even wore the clothes he liked. I couldn’t figure out how I was being selfish. I had been trying for years to not be.

The thought of going to college without Crawford was terrifying. But if he would want that, then how was I supposed to not go? I wanted him to wake up happy. Glad to be alive. Not full of regrets.

Knox was walking back to me. “Figures it would be Slate that entertained Crawford the most. The guy is hilarious. I’ll give him that.”

I managed a smile that I didn’t feel and stood back up. For once I needed out of this waiting room. I needed space to think. Doing what was best for Crawford was my only concern.

“Why don’t you ever think about what you want, Vale?” My mother’s voice rang in my head. She had asked me that many times over the years. She never did understand that I did think about myself. I just wanted what Crawford wanted. Why wasn’t that okay?

“How do I leave him? How do I go to college without him?” I asked Knox as we began walking toward the elevators.

“A day at a time. He would want you to.”

I’d always done what Crawford wanted. But he had never wanted something that would hurt so much.

“It scares me,” I admitted.

Knox put his arm around my shoulder. “I’ll be there. You won’t be alone. When you get scared, all you have to do is call me. Just a few buildings away. It’s time you did something other than sit here.”

He didn’t get it. None of them got it.

“Juliet said Crawford would want me to go. That I was being selfish to stay.”

Knox sighed. “Nothing about you is selfish. Never has been and never will be. You’re the most selfless person I know. But she’s right about Crawford. He’d never want you to stay here like this.”

I wanted to curl into a ball and cry. For all we had lost. For the future I’d never planned alone. For the past that would never be the same.

“Crawford’s a good guy. He loves you. He always has. But he wasn’t perfect, Vale. He expected you to do what he wanted. That bugged the hell out of me. It’s time you make some decisions on your own. Make a life that you are in charge of.”