Anything for Her(102)

He murmured meaningless stuff until her shoulders quit shaking so hard and her body began to relax against his. Then he took a deep breath.

“I wasn’t being fair,” he said. “I was doing what everyone else always has, demanding you make a choice and assuming you’d choose me. I was an ass. But it’s not going to be that way this time. All you have to do is tell me how much to pack and when we’re going. We’ll be ready.”

Allie wiped her face on him. Tears and snot both, he thought, his tenderness tinged with amusement. Be honest, tinged with fear, too. Because she might be working her way up to saying, Thanks, but no thanks. And then he’d have to keep his word, turn and walk out of here in the full knowledge he’d never in this lifetime set eyes on her again.

I don’t know if I can do that.

I promised.

Apprehension made him feel big, clumsy, dumb. He had a flicker of seeing himself as the stone man he’d carved, beyond any feelings. Is that what would happen to him if Allie turned him away?

She let go of his shirt, one finger at a time. He wanted her to keep clutching tight. If the answer is no, don’t say it yet. Let me hope for a little longer.

Stupid.

She struggled a little in his embrace, and he reluctantly loosened it so she could ease back enough to look up at him. The tears were smeared but still there on her cheeks. Damp tendrils of dark hair stuck to her forehead and temple. Her usually elegant nose was Rudolph-red. Her eyes were pink, puffy...and held an expression he could only interpret as awe. A smile trembled on her lips.

“I never even thought of asking if you’d go with me.” The smile wobbled right out of existence. “I never dreamed anyone would. You would be giving up so much.”

“Not as much as I’d be giving up if I let you go,” he managed to say gruffly.

“And Sean is really, truly willing, too?”

“Yeah.” He eyed her warily. “I broke my word to you. I had to tell him everything.”

“That’s okay. I trust him.”

She kept searching his face, her expression so astonished and wondering. He knew that no matter whether she wanted him or not, the gift he’d offered meant more to her than even he’d imagined.

But, shit, he wished she’d say something. When she didn’t, he couldn’t take it another minute.

“So.” He cleared his throat. “Is this a yes?”

“No,” she said softly, “this is a thank-you.”

He backed up a step, his muscles coiling painfully. “Because you’re still mad at me? Or because you’ve realized you don’t love me enough to commit to the long haul?”

“What?” Crinkles formed on her high, curved forehead. “No! What are you talking about?”

He unclenched his jaw. “Then what did you mean?”

“I meant thank you but I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here.” Her gaze was suddenly shy. “If you want me.”

Shaking his head, Nolan tried to figure out what she was saying. “You mean, your mother has gotten word they won’t be moving her?”

“No. She doesn’t know. What I’m trying to tell you is that I was an idiot. I love you. I’m staying even if Mom is relocated. I was going to come to tell you as soon as I closed up shop. I need you to know how sorry I am for hurting you the way I did. I will never leave you.”

He had to take a moment to let it sink in. She loved him. She wasn’t leaving. She’d chosen him. The tsunami of emotions was almost painful. She loved him. She’d forgiven him. She...

Nolan let out a whoop, grabbed her and swung her in a circle. Laughing, Allie clutched his shoulders. Her nose was still pink, her face still blotchy, but with that smile, she was also lit with all the delicate beauty and promise of sunrise over the mountains. He slowed, came to a stop and let her slide down his body.

“God, I love you.”

Her hands left his shoulders to cup his face. “I love you.”

“I meant it, you know.”

“That you love me?” She looked perplexed.

“That Sean and I are willing to go.” Nolan needed her to understand this. “I’m more honored than I can say that you chose me, but I don’t want you to suffer any more losses in your life.

“Some of what I said to you before was crap. Sure, most of us let go of our parents—but not all the way, like I was demanding of you. I understand why your mother is so important to you. Talk to her before you make up your mind, Allie. My offer is sincerely meant. Say the word and Sean and I will start packing.”