Anything for Her(100)

If I choose him, he’ll be on my side forever and ever.

Between one heartbeat and the next, she made her decision. It was easier than she’d imagined it could be. She didn’t understand why coming to it had taken her so long.

If only he’d forgive her. Allie couldn’t believe that she’d ever been so foolish.

Middle of the night or not, she wanted to call him. Drive over to his house and pound on the door. But of course that was silly.

Mom, she thought, on a renewed stab of pain. I have to talk to Mom. It seemed only fair to clear the decks before she went to Nolan.

Come morning, heavy-eyed, she called her mother first. “We have to talk,” she said simply. When her mother questioned her, she pretended to have a customer.

She couldn’t reach Barbara, and made the decision to close the shop for an hour when her mother got here. She’d never done that before, but other shopkeepers here in town did it from time to time. Nobody would be able to see her and Mom sitting in back. She scribbled a quick note. Family Emergency—Back at 11:00.

When Mom walked in, Allie hung the note and locked the door, grateful not to have any customers at the moment.

“Let’s go in back,” she said, and her mother followed her down the central aisle.

They sat down and looked at each other.

“I won’t be going with you,” Allie said, and braced herself for the storm.

Instead, she saw dignity and pained acceptance. “I thought that’s what you’d decide.”

“You’ve been acting as if you assumed I would go.”

“I’ve been hoping,” her mother corrected. “Selfishly, I know.” She gave a small, twisted smile. “Despite what he did, I think your Nolan is a good man. He can make you happy. You deserve that, Allie. And more. I suppose I’ve clung to you, but it’s time for me to stop.”

“Oh, Mom.” Tears, hot and fierce, spilled from Allie’s eyes. “I love you. I don’t want to lose either of you. I don’t.”

Their hands connected, squeezed so tightly it was hard to tell where one began and the other ended.

“No. I know. I hope you don’t have to.”

Allie wasn’t the only one crying. For once, the tears seemed to be freeing. For forty-five minutes, they sat and talked about good times and bad without any of the emotional tension that had been there for so long Allie wasn’t sure when it had begun. It was as if, in a moment, they had both been able to let go of all the resentment, all the expectations, everything except the friendship and love.

At the end her mother looked at her. “If I’d known then what I know now, I would have made a different decision. I hope you know that.” The movement her mouth made couldn’t even be called a smile. “Admitting to myself how much I hurt all of you hasn’t been easy. I’ve resolved to write Jason and tell him how sorry I am, too.”

“Back then, you couldn’t know what would happen,” Allie said.

Mom shook her head. “I knew how miserable all of you were. I told myself... Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it? I can’t take any of it back.”

“No.” Allie in turn tried to smile. “Maybe you won’t have to go anywhere, Mom. I want you to stay.”

“I want to stay, too. Needless to say, I couldn’t sleep last night. I kept thinking about you and what I was asking you to give up. I decided that I won’t agree to a move unless there is real evidence someone is looking for me and may be close to finding me.

“I want to stay close to you. I want to hold my grandchildren. I like my job and my house and...darn it, I want to be president of the Friends of the Library!”

They both laughed, although Allie for one had a lump in her throat.

The next second, her mother was swiping at new tears. “Oh, damn. I’m crying a river. For goodness’ sake. It’s time I leave you to open the store again. You don’t want to lose customers. We can talk again.”

She’d mostly mopped up all the tears by the time they reached the front of the store. They hugged, whispered, “I love you,” and her mother slipped out and hurried away.

Allie flipped the sign back to Open and crumpled up the handwritten note. She stood for a long time looking out the front window at the surprisingly busy downtown street of this small town. Home, she thought, but knew in the next second that it wasn’t the place that mattered, any more than things mattered.

If she called Nolan, would he come? Remembering again the way he’d looked at her that night, she was afraid she knew the answer. She had to go to him, not the other way around.