All I Ask(88)

“I see.” Derek’s voice is filled with disappointment.

“I have to take this.”

His eyes meet mine. “I know you do.”

“Ever since I found out I was pregnant with Chastity, my life has been hard. Really freaking hard. I’ve sacrificed everything, lost everything, and now, it’s like someone gave me a hand. If I swat it away, I’ll regret it forever.”

This is the first time that someone has chosen me the first time around. It’s a chance to stand on my own, be something more than an assistant manager in my parents’ antique store. If I were to marry Derek, I’d go from being my parents’ burden to his. Even if he never said it, that’s how I’d feel.

Now, I can be my own woman. I can show Chastity that I’m not a college dropout who couldn’t do anything with her life.

The only thing holding me back is him.

I have to give up the most incredible opportunity or lose the most incredible man.

Life isn’t fair sometimes.

“This is your chance, baby.”

It is. “But that means I have to give you up.” I choke back a sob.

“Why?”

“Because I have to move to freaking Florida.” After I got off the phone with Tim, I asked Chastity what she wanted, and she was ready to pack tonight. I know she wants out of here. Hell, I want out of here, but I want Derek too.

“I’m not saying it won’t be hard,” Derek turns away. “I don’t know how the fuck we’ll manage, but we’ll do long-distance. We’ll make it work.”

“I wish you could come with me.”

There are a hundred reasons why he can’t. Everly, his father, the house he bought, and the fact that we are new, are just a few. How can I possibly leave?

“You know I can’t.”

I walk closer, placing my hand on his chest. “I know, just as you know I can’t turn this down. For the first time, Derek, I won’t be nothing.”

“You were never nothing.”

“No, I am. I have nothing to offer you.”

He steps back. “You’re all I want. I don’t need you to offer me anything.”

“Please, listen.” I release a deep sigh and try to assemble my thoughts. “I’ve always wanted more. You showed me once that I could have more, and since then, I’ve been searching for it. I never shared those paintings because I’ve failed at every facet of my life. I’ve been lacking in one area or another, and I couldn’t handle one more thing, something I love, to be…unworthy.”

Derek’s hands wrap around my arms, holding me tightly. “You are worthy of everything, and if I ever made you feel less…”

“No! That’s just it, it was never you. It’s me! It’s my choices and you asked me what I want, and I want it all. I want to paint and make money. I want to be with you and Everly. I want us to figure our shit out and live in that house. All my life I’ve waited for you, and now…”

Now I have to choose. Do I want love or do I want to finally feel as though I’ve accomplished something other than screwing up?

“You don’t have to explain it.” He lifts his hand, brushing the hair out of my eyes. “You have to take this, baby. Not because I want you to leave. Not because I don’t love you, but because I love you. I love you enough to wait. I love you enough to let you go because I know”—his voice is filled with determination—“I know you’ll come back to me.”

My lip trembles and I let the tears flow. “I don’t want to lose you, Derek.”

“Then don’t. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when you’ve accomplished what you need to. I know you feel like you’ve waited your whole life for us, but believe me, I have too. I’ve loved you, lost you, and I’ll be damned to ever lose you again.”

Derek doesn’t give me a chance to respond, he crushes his lips to mine and I taste my tears along with his vow.

*



“Do you really have to go?” Nina asks as she helps pack my suitcase.

“Please don’t you start.”

I’ve cried more in the last seventy-two hours than I have in years. My flight is at six in the morning. Tim is going to meet me at the airport and show me the condo they’ve rented for me and Chastity.

“I’m sad. I’m going to be stuck in this town without my favorite angry person.”

I laugh and roll my eyes. “You could come with me…”

“And leave all this?” Nina waves her arms in the air. “No, honey, I’m meant to live and die in this town. But I’m proud of you.”

Dropping the sweater in the bag I rush over and wrap my arms around her. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“I’m going to miss you more.”

Nina pulls back and shakes her head. “Enough of that. Now, is Chastity with your mother?”

This is another reason I’m struggling. She has another two weeks of school before break, which is when she’ll come down. Derek and Everly are going to bring her and spend time with me. I’ve just never been away from her. A night here or there, but nothing like this.

“I dropped her off an hour ago so she can settle in a bit.”