All I Ask(85)

“You know what kills me?” I say to Derek as he stands there, watching me.

“What?”

“That as angry as I am about all of this, and believe me, I’m fucking pissed, I’m more sad. I had no idea that all of this went on, and here I am, paying the price. I didn’t know you loved me a million years ago, and I had to pay the price then. When do I get to make the choices? When is it my turn to decide what happens in my life?”

“What do you want, Teagan?”

“I don’t ever get what I want.”

“Then ask for it.”

“I have and what do I have to show for it?”

Derek moves closer, his eyes stay on mine. “Chastity knew what she wanted and went after it. Be proud of that for just a minute. I know you’re angry and hurt, but you want to decide, then decide now. What do you want?”

“I don’t know anymore.”

And that’s the thing of it all, I have no idea what I want because suddenly, I feel unsteady. Not because Chastity lied, but because with Derek, my life doesn’t feel boxed in. As much as I love it, it’s hard not feeling secure. Things aren’t as they’ve always been, and it scares the shit out of me.

With choices comes vulnerability to be hurt so deeply.

He takes a step forward. His fingers wipe the tears that fall down my cheek. “Close your eyes.”

My lids lower.

“Don’t think, just tell me something real, Tea.”

I let his warmth thaw away some of the hurt that’s inside of me, and let the visions I’ve held back for so long come to life. “You and me, in a home, raising the girls and being happy. I want to paint. I want to not be in this apartment, feeling like I’m nothing.” I envision myself at the beach, him sitting on the blanket next to me. “I want us to be happy, to grow old together.”

His lips touch mine in the softest of kisses. I feel the callus of his thumb graze across my lip when he pulls back. “I see all of that when I close my eyes. I see you in that horrible house of dolls, waiting for me. I see us living a life, building our life, but you have to choose it too.”

“I did once.”

He shakes his head. “No, baby, you didn’t, but you can now. You can choose to see that no one acted in a way that was meant to hurt you. I’m going to take Everly home, you decide when you’re ready for me to come back.”

He gives me another soft kiss, this time on my forehead and then walks out.

If I could have him stay, I would. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. However, there’s a part of me that’s so lost in my head because I did choose him once. I chose him the day he married Meghan because I knew that it meant doing what was best for him—not for me.

And now I know that he loves me, wants the same vision that I do, and all I have to do is ask him to stay.

I snap out of it and rush out the door, down the stairs, and through the store. When I get to the street, all I see are taillights.

I stand here, watching him drive away.

I make my way back upstairs where Chastity’s music is loud, which means she doesn’t really care to talk, which is fine by me.

Grabbing the phone off the table, I go to text Derek, but then I realize it’s not my phone, it’s Chastity’s.

I open the app, wanting to see what exactly she’s messaged her father and click the notifications, since I have no idea where the hell the information would be. I look at the image on her page and my heart stops. That’s a painting…my painting…on here?

Why is she posting my art?

I start to click around and there is photo after photo of my paintings all on here. Comments, hearts, and people tagging their friends to share the posts. I scroll lower and there’s one photo with almost one hundred thousand hearts. My confusion grows deeper as I keep going.

Then I click up top and what looks like an inbox appears. There are messages asking about buying them, people wanting to know where the paintings are showcased, and my stomach drops.

These paintings were mine. They were for me and I never wanted to share them.

How could she post them?

“Mom?” Her voice pulls me from the phone.

“How could you?”

“I can explain.”

I put the phone down, my hands are shaking. “You better start.”

“You wouldn’t see how special you are and how beautiful these are. When Everly and I were tasked with the social media project, we had to come up with something that was new and fresh, it was to be taken down after it was over and I thought maybe…I don’t know.”

“What is this, Chas? Seriously? Because you and I…we don’t operate this way. We never have.”

She betrayed my privacy. I feel as though someone has punched me in the gut—a second time today. It’s not that I’m not proud of my work, because I am. I think my paintings are beautiful and special, but when I was ready to share them, it would’ve been my choice.

“It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.”

My eyes meet hers. “What does that even mean? What did you think would happen when you posted them, Chastity?”

Tears with a mix of shame form in her eyes. “At first, it was the only thing I could think of for the project. I thought that maybe it would help us. Maybe you could finally do something you like instead of working in this store.” She sniffs and another tear falls. “Then you could be happy, but then you and Derek started dating. It was…I don’t…it wasn’t all my idea…”