All I Ask(84)

“No? Then why lie, Derek?”

“She asked me to keep her secret.”

“She’s thirteen.”

“I’m aware of that, but if you and Everly had some secret that wasn’t going to harm her, would you tell me?”

I shake my head and start to move. “This could harm her, though. You made a parenting choice when you’re not her parent.”

He rubs his forehead and moves toward me. “I made a choice as a man who loves you and cares very deeply for that girl. She’s not my daughter, and I know that, but she was ready to do it all on her own, and I couldn’t let that happen. Was not telling you wrong? Yes. I should’ve told you, but I’m also trying to win her over.”

“Winning her over doesn’t mean you conspire against me. Do you see that Keith is the worst part of my life?”

“Of course I do.”

“Well, then imagine when Everly and I had our talk the other day that she told me all about knowing our past. Imagine her telling me that you were in love with me during your marriage. Imagine how you’d feel if I kept that from you.”

He closes his eyes and releases a heavy breath. “I don’t know what to say, Tea. I assure you that I didn’t want to walk in there with her any more than you wanted her to be there. The last person I wanted to see was him, and then to see her face after she saw him, broke my fucking heart.”

I didn’t even get a chance to think about the actual part where Chastity saw him.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I had this brave girl beside me, and she walked into that funeral home with her back straight. She was so much like you, ready to show everyone how fantastic she is, and then we get there and he doesn’t even see it. He doesn’t see that she has his eyes or that she’s brilliant. He makes an offhand comment about not wanting to see anyone in this town, while looking at her, and I had to restrain myself from beating the shit out of him.”

My chest feels tight as I think about what it must have been like for Chastity to meet Keith.

Chastity has always been steadfast and unfazed by most things that would’ve sent me into a spiral. She has this ability to shrug things off that I wish I had. However, I don’t think she’s actually shrugging anything off.

I slump down into a chair, my arms on the table, and let it all sink in.

What if she’s not so brave? What if I’m so weak that she has to be strong around me?

Did I do this?

I look up at Derek. I’m so conflicted. On one hand, he acted in a way that I appreciate. Protecting Chastity like a father in some ways. He stepped up, held her hand, walked her through something she was determined to do and ensured she wasn’t alone. I appreciate that.

On the other, she never should’ve walked through it.

They both knew my wishes and the history between Keith and me.

And then he lied.

“Right now, my heart is so torn I don’t know what to think. You lied to me, Derek. More than that, I feel like Chastity could be hurting and I didn’t know! I didn’t get to talk to her about what happened or what it was like to see him. You—”

Chastity opens the back door and looks at me. “I did it. Derek didn’t do anything, Mom. I wanted to go see my father. I needed to look him in the eye, and whether Derek went with me or not, I was going.”

“You have no idea how much trouble you’re in,” I tell her as I get to my feet. “You went, after my explicit instructions not to, you’ve been contacting him behind my back, and then you got Derek involved in your scheme.”

She crosses her arms over her chest. “I didn’t want to hurt you, Mom, but can you imagine what it’s like to have a parent who you don’t even know? He’s not dead. He’s a freaking famous person and people talk about him around here like he’s a god. So, yes, I wanted to meet him. I’m sorry that you’re mad because I wanted to meet him.”

“I’m not upset you wanted to meet him, Chastity. I understand that. I’m upset you lied to me. We don’t lie to each other. That has always been the one thing we’ve promised. You went behind my back—more than once—and I want your phone. You’re grounded.”

“Fine, whatever. I lied but I had to. You wouldn’t listen to me about it! You just told me to stay away. Even years ago when I asked about him! I wanted to know about my father and you never cared!”

“I’m the parent here. I know what’s best for you, and Keith”—I sneer his name—“isn’t good for anyone. I wasn’t trying to be mean or whatever else you think, I was protecting you from someone who doesn’t deserve you!”

“I can decide that for myself,” she yells.

I wish she could. I wish that at thirteen I could’ve known all the bad shit that was to come. She has no idea what a cruel world it is, and I’d like to shield her as much as I can. “Babygirl, if only that were true, but the bottom line is, you disobeyed me, and you got Derek involved. Hand over the phone.”

She hands me her phone and stomps off to her room.

I look up at the ceiling, pushing the tears back. Everly walks through the door and looks at Derek. “Dad?”

“Go on down to the car, Everly. I’ll be there in a minute.”

I walk over to the counter, putting my hands behind me for support. There’s no salvaging tonight.