All I Ask(16)

Derek




Eighteen years old



“I hate college.”

“Everyone hates their first year of college.”

“No, but I really hate it,” I tell Teagan as we’re wrapped up in a blanket back in Chincoteague.

It’s freezing, but I don’t care, I have my best friend with me and life makes sense.

“You only hate it because I’m not there with you.” She nudges me and then rests her head on my shoulder.

If she only knew how true that statement was. We’re only a few hours away from each other, but it feels like an entire ocean separates us. In high school, it was so easy to see her every day.

I miss her.

“So transfer schools,” I encourage her. She’ll never do it, but I can’t help but ask.

“You transfer schools.”

“We both know I can’t.”

The scholarship I got was highly competitive. My tuition is practically nothing compared to everyone else in the veterinary program. While my family isn’t poor, we’re not loaded either. Dad came out of his college with enough loans to drown in and my mother works for him. They’ve saved a little for me, but not nearly enough to cover the costs.

“I know, but I miss you.”

Sometimes, when she says it, I can almost pretend she means it in a different way. Then I remember she’s with Keith and slap myself out of that delusion.

“I miss you too.”

She sighs and snuggles closer. “I’m freezing.”

“Well, it’s December.”

“We really need to pick a new spot to meet at.”

Never. This spot is where our friendship formed. “Not likely.”

Teagan lifts her head and smiles. “It’s special to me too. This is where you realized what an amazing person I am and how lucky you are to have me.”

“Is that so?”

She’s correct, but I’ll never give her a win that easily.

“Yup. You had no idea I was this extraordinary, did you?”

“Nope. I still don’t either.”

“Liar.”

I shake my head. “Did you ever think that you’re the lucky one out of this friendship?”

Her eyes sparkle in the moonlight. “I know I am.”

And it’s moments like this, when she’s not the perfect cheerleader or student, that she takes my breath away. She looks at me as though I’m the one person in the world who makes her happy, and I don’t know how to keep fighting against wanting more.

“I was thinking…” I start.

“That’s scary.”

I laugh once. “Shut up. I’m serious. I was thinking about what it would be like if…” I want to say: we dated. The words are on the tip of my tongue, desperate to get out, but then the fear becomes too much.

This is Teagan, my best friend, and I don’t want to lose her.

“If…?”

“If we were at the same school.”

She purses her lips and moves my arm to go over her shoulder. “It would be the end of me and Keith, that’s for sure.”

“Yeah, God knows we wouldn’t want to upset him.”

Like I give a shit about Keith. Stupid asshole.

“Stop, you know he’s just jealous…and an idiot.”

He’s completely undeserving of her. She’s a prize and he’s a thief that’s stealing something that shouldn’t belong to him.

“Yet…you’re still dating him.”

Teagan grumbles. “I know, but it’s freshman year and I figure if I can get through the next year, then I can dump him.”

Her logic is ridiculous. “You need mental help.”

“So you’ve told me…many times.”

And she never listens.

“Besides, it’s not like I have anyone else beating down my door.”

I would. I would tear the door off the hinges if I wasn’t worried about her rejecting me. Instead of taking the chance, I stay where it’s safe.

Teagan twists, pulling the blanket over her shoulders, and faces me.

“Tea!” It’s fucking freezing. “Share the blanket!”

“Tell me something real,” she says as she stares at me.

Not this game. Not now.

I can’t do it.

“Tea.” I say her name as a warning.

“I’ll give you the blanket back, but I want something real.”

I’m freezing and my head is fucked-up with thoughts of her eyes and her lips are close. “I can’t think…I’m frozen.”

She grins. “Try.”

I love you.

There, that’s my something real. I love her and I know it’s crazy and stupid, but I do. I dream about kissing her. I think about the way her lips would fit with mine. How she would feel in my arms as I held her tight. My nights are filled with fantasies of making love to her until we both can’t take any more. I love her and I will never tell her.

Because she’s not mine. She’s someone else’s.

My teeth start to chatter when the cold air hits me. “I really want that blanket back,” I say as my something real.

“No way, buddy! You can’t cheat!”