All I Ask(14)

My chest constricts. “So, she’s amazing?” I try to joke it off.

“She could be the one.”

So could I, if I wasn’t so afraid to tell you and hope you felt the same.





Chapter Seven





Teagan




Present



“I’ll give you two a moment,” Mr. Beeson says as he walks out.

Derek turns his back, hiding the pain so clear in his eyes. “Derek.” I call his name, but he doesn’t move. “I’m so sorry.”

He shifts, his head shaking before lifting toward the ceiling. “Don’t say shit you don’t mean. We all know how you felt about Meghan.”

“That’s not fair.”

“No, none of it is fair,” he agrees, but not about the same thing.

I didn’t love Meghan or even like her, but I would never wish her dead.

I move closer to him, not sure what to do. If this was back in the day, I would wrap my arms around him, clutch him until he cried it out. I would know exactly what to say or do because he was the other half of my brain.

This man, I don’t know.

So, I go with the truth.

“I have a million things I want to say, but all of them sound stupid in my own head. It’s been so long and we’ve both changed. I am sorry, though.”

Derek turns to face me. “It’s been—hard. Everything is hard. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“I understand anger.”

More than most people. That’s typically the emotion I feel most attached to. It’s easy to be angry. To look at the world around me, wishing I had a better job, money, a house, a man who didn’t fuck me over, so being angry just feels good. It’s better than self-pity or sadness. Anger is intense and so much easier to hang on to.

“Yeah, I would assume you do.”

I was angry for a long time after Keith threatened me and I felt it was the best choice to let him off the hook. I took it out on everyone, including Derek.

“I know you don’t believe this, but Chastity…she’s truly the kindest person. She’s nothing like me as a kid, and I don’t even understand what could’ve gotten into her to say something so cruel. But know that I will not accept that behavior from her.”

“I appreciate that, but it doesn’t surprise me that Everly said anything to provoke it, if I’m being honest.”

I didn’t expect that, and then I think about what she must be going through. Losing her mother, moving to this tiny-ass town where she knows no one. I would be pissed off at the world and everyone around me.

“Regardless…”

“Yeah, regardless…”

There is so much I want to say, ask, and hold on to. As much as I was upset, the truth is, I’ve missed him. He was more than just the man I loved, he was my everything. He knew all my truths and lies. Derek was a part of my soul and when I lost him, he took it with him.

My eyes study him. He’s so different and yet the same. His hair is a little longer and has a hint of gray, but his eyes are kind and make my heart stutter. There’s a warmth under all of that hurt. I wonder if he can still see through me? Can he see that I’ve missed him? Does he know how many times I’ve wanted to call? Does he know how many times I’ve wanted him to call me?

Does he see that I love him? Not only as someone I’ve always loved but also for who he is at his core or at least who he was.

I open my mouth to say something but Mr. Beeson enters. “Have you two talked?”

Derek nods. “I think we can handle this without the school intervening. Everly was wrong to say what she did, and I’d like to give the girls the opportunity to work it out. Especially since I’m staying here permanently.”

Permanently? I’ll never be able to avoid him. I’ll have no choice but to become a damn hermit if I want to survive.

It’s clear that too much time has passed and we’ll never be friends again. Besides, how can I be friends with him when everything I’d ever felt for him is clearly very much alive?

“Are you sure?” Mr. Beeson asks. We both nod.

His lips turn to a flat smile. “I think that’s the best idea. Everly and Chastity will need to figure out a way to coexist and I’d like to not have the rest of the student body feel the need to involve themselves. Besides”—Mr. Beeson looks to both of us—“if they’re anything like their parents, they might need a little push to be great friends.”

“Well, friendships change,” Derek says, his eyes filling with regret.

“Yeah.” I sigh. “And sometimes they’re never what we thought.”

*



“Teagan, are you okay?” Nina asks as I sit on her couch, drinking a glass of wine.

“Huh?”

“You’re off in another world.”

I have been since I got home. Chastity is now grounded, which honestly isn’t much of a punishment at all. She’ll beat herself up about what she said enough without me having to do anything.

We’d talked about kindness in the face of cruelty although the other side of me, the mama-bear side, is proud of her. She stood up for herself.

Still, she hadn’t exactly acted like the child I raised her to be.