Acts of Violet(98)
Reimbursing me for my marketing expenses is a good start, though I do have some concerns about how much pushback I’ve received working on Strange Exits. For example, it seems you are still unconvinced that #violetisback brought in downloads, whereas countless stories reporting on the trending hashtag followed up by listing various projects about Volk, with Exits named nine times out of ten. If I do stay on with Sidecar, it’s impor-tant for me to feel that my ideas are being respected and nurtured.
I’m booked up the rest of this week, but I have some availability next week if you’d like to chat. Please be sure to include my agent on the call.
—CF
Sasha
April 16, 2018
“I know I shouldn’t be reading any of the garbage online, but I’ve been sneaking a peek here and there since Quinn and I did the podcast … and some of the things people are writing about me aren’t awful. The assholes are still out there, they’ll never go away, but I’ve even had members of the Wolf Pack reach out to me directly to apologize. I don’t know what to do with this sudden wave of empathy.” I grin at Renatta, who gives me one of her thoughtful smiles in return.
“How is everything going with the sleepwalking?” She crosses her legs, and a beige high-heeled shoe comes into my line of sight.
“I’ve never seen you in heels before.” It’s not a practical chunky heel or wedge, either, but something you could use to break up a block of ice. “You usually wear such sensible shoes.” Like me. I don’t add that her pragmatic footwear was something that initially bonded me to her, because that would be trivial.
“I thought it was time to try something new.” Renatta points her toe.
All I can muster is a noncommittal grunt as I glance at my own feet clad in black Mary Janes. Have I really been wearing the same type of shoes since elementary school?
“Are you uncomfortable discussing the sleepwalking or are you … You seem … troubled by my shoes.”
I square my shoulders. “You know what? They’re not my taste, but they look great on you. And I haven’t had any more sleepwalking incidents in over a month. It could’ve been all the Violet stress getting to me, but I seem to have a handle on it now. I’ve been doing this … program Antoinette recommended called the Portal Approach. It’s a set of recordings, each one about a half hour. I guess you’d call it guided meditation, though it’s more bizarre than that.”
“Bizarre how?”
“You have to listen to the recordings in a specific way, in a dark, quiet room, wearing headphones. There’s the usual spiel about clearing your mind and slowing your breathing, but then you also do these vocalizations, like you’re tuning your body to a certain frequency. The rest is … not white noise exactly, but these electronic tones that supposedly enhance your brain waves in various capacities. If you do the program every day, you’re supposed to experience all these positive effects—less stress, better focus, more energy and creativity, overall improved mood.” I leave out the part about how the Portal Approach also claims to groom you for astral travel, “an exhilarating journey in which you can explore other planes of existence.” Thanks, but no thanks. Not that I’m fully convinced out-of-body experiences are a thing, or that I’m capable of anything resembling teleportation (cue involuntary eye-roll at the very thought). “I don’t buy into all of it, but I do think it’s helping. I feel more at ease after each session, and it’s nice to go to sleep and wake up in the same place.”
“Good for you.” Renatta smiles wider, and I bask in her approval.
“Not that everything is perfect at home. With all the recent Violet hysteria, it hasn’t fully sunk in that Quinn is graduating college next month and will probably leave Willow Glen in the near future. Ever since she received her inheritance, she’s been talking more about traveling and going god-knows-where to save the planet—no way is she gonna stick around here.”
“How are you handling her newfound wealth?” Her usual pad is on her lap, but there’s less scribbling today.
“Quinn is so grounded and earnest and smart, I’m sure she’ll be fine with it. Whether she uses it to fund the testing of backlogged rape kits or a sustainable homeless shelter or a Violet Volk museum—all ideas she’s considering—I know she’ll put the money to good use.”
“That wasn’t quite what I asked. I’m glad to hear Quinn is managing her windfall well, but how are you doing with it? You struggled for many years without your sister’s financial help, and now all of a sudden…”
“Help arrives when I need it least? And isn’t even for me but for my daughter?” I let out a wry snicker. “I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was peeved about it, at first. Gabriel and I never asked Violet for money, and she rarely gave it to us. Not that she wasn’t generous in her own way. But it drove me nuts how she’d buy me shit like expensive silk scarves that I never wore when having a little more cash would’ve helped us breathe easier. There was one time, something came up where we urgently needed money—I think it was a roofing issue—and I brought one of the scarves to a vintage clothing store. They offered me a hundred dollars! I was so irritated with Violet, and even more irritated with myself, because I couldn’t sell that scarf, or any other gifts she got me that I rarely used. I mean, there’s a handbag in my closet that’s worth more than the car I’m driving. It was infuriating. But after Violet disappeared, I was glad I’d held on to everything. So yeah, I was a little pissed off about the cash, but only because it brought up some difficult memories. What Violet left for Quinn—it doesn’t negate my sister’s shortcomings, but it’s reassuring to see a nicer side of her.”