Acts of Violet(99)
“What about those letters you gave Quinn? How did she react to them?”
“You know, I think we both helped to fill in some missing pieces of Violet for each other,” I say. “It was important for Quinn to know the more unpleasant sides of her aunt—I just didn’t want my daughter to become disillusioned. And she’s not. At the same time, she’s helped me see how quick I was to cast my sister as the villain of my life. And how wrong it was to reduce Violet to one thing.” Sighing, I reach for my favorite throw pillow and hug it. “I do wish I’d made more of an effort with Violet. I wish I knew her better. But how do you get to know someone who’s always trying to trick you?”
Renatta looks at me like I’ve said something unexpectedly deep and nods. “I think that’s a good place to stop.”
April 18, 2018
“So, it’s been a month since I got back from LA,” Quinn announces over breakfast—she’s prepared us a spread of tofu scramble, yogurt, and fruit. “I already had a lot to think about with graduation coming up, and this … gift from Aunt Violet weirdly added more pressure to the situation.”
Gabriel nods, stirring blueberries into his yogurt. “Your mom and I aren’t gonna tell you how to spend your money—”
“Our money. That’s the first thing I want to make clear. It doesn’t belong to me alone, it belongs to the family.” The set of her jaw warns against any protest. “I want you to cash in some of your good parent karma here. We can pay off the house and any other debt, and you can hire that assistant for the salon … or we can buy a new house and you can retire early or do something else. Anything. Whatever you want.”
Gabriel and I are too stunned to respond.
“Did you really think I wasn’t gonna take care of you? Come on. In other news, I have a couple updates you might be less thrilled with.” Quinn breathes deeply, measuring her words. “I was thinking instead of jumping right into a job, I might want to get my master’s in environmental science. But before that, I’m gonna spend the summer in Costa Rica doing a conservation internship. Also, some of the grad schools I’m interested in are kinda far away. Like one I’m considering is in Oregon and another is in Ireland. I still don’t know where I’ll end up, but…”
It’s what I’ve been expecting but still feels like a sucker punch. There’s no good way to prepare for this, but my separation anxiety doesn’t matter here. All I can do is make sure I don’t hold her back.
Hiding my devastation takes work, but thankfully, Gabriel speaks up for both of us. “Costa Rica sounds amazing. You know we’ll miss the hell out of you, but wherever you go, we’ve got your back.”
“About that…” Quinn spears a piece of pineapple and stares at it. “I know you’ve been worrying about me—maybe not worrying, but Sally and I talk, and I know you’re … wondering about me…”
“And I should’ve brought all that up to you, not Sally.” It doesn’t count as taking initiative, since Quinn began the conversation, but late is better than never. “I just didn’t know the right way to talk about it, and I didn’t want to ask you something you might be uncomfortable with or not ready to answer. It’s not my place to put a label on you. And I didn’t want you to think I was making any assumptions…” I give Gabriel a nudge to chime in.
“We always hoped you knew you could be straight with us—Jesus, bad choice of words—What I really mean—” he stammers.
Before we can make things any more cringey, Quinn shakes her head and bursts out laughing. “Oh my god, please stop, this isn’t a big coming-out moment. I just think societal pressure to be a girly-girl is bullshit. In terms of … orientation, I’m not sure what label I’d give myself, but I’m actually leaning more asexual. I’m not a virgin, and I haven’t had any bad experiences with sex, I’ve just always been more into the platonic thing. I don’t know if that’ll change, but that’s where I’m at right now.” She puts her palms flat on the table and lets out a breath. “Questions? Comments?”
It’s such a relief, not what Quinn said, but the very act of her saying it, of knowing she isn’t hiding from us.
“One comment,” I say.
“Is it about how you love me no matter what?” Quinn asks.
“Pretty much.”
“That was gonna be my comment, too,” Gabriel adds. “And also, thank you for trusting us enough to share something so personal.”
“Well, I was in a quid pro quo mood after Mom pretty much spilled her guts.” An irreverent shrug. “Anyway, I have one more announcement. I don’t leave for Costa Rica until July, so between graduation and then, I’m taking us on vacation. I don’t care where we go, I just think we need to get away for a while.”
“Love the idea, and I don’t care where we go, either,” says Gabriel. “Sasha?”
They both turn to me.
“I’ve never been anywhere, and you want me to choose our vacation?” Despite my internal protests, I can’t help but think this could be a good opportunity to follow the twos. And if the swans also represent twos … “Actually, I have an idea of where we could go.”
Quinn’s face lights up. “Great. Hold that thought.” She rushes out of the room and comes back a moment later with her laptop and wallet. Grinning, she swaps my plate for the computer. “Let’s book it right now.”