Acts of Violet(93)
And if you’re about to argue that Violet being openly polyamorous was also gutsy, I’d counter that only helped build her allure further. An allure she took great pains to cultivate.
It’s one thing to stand up for who you are—it’s another to openly brag about your promiscuity and treat your romantic partners like props. Volk was eager to be seen anywhere and everywhere dating anyone and everyone, but she never said much about what these partners meant to her. Whether or not the emotions were sincere, it’s hard not to view her “throuple” with Mayuree Sakda and Benjamin Martinez, as well as other romantic entanglements, as nothing more than a series of publicity stunts. Frankly, it’s hard not to view much of Volk’s life through the same lens, her entire showbiz existence based on chasing and basking in the limelight.
Does this not make a mockery of the very thing Violet arguably sought to normalize and celebrate? Doesn’t it blatantly reveal her as disingenuous, willing to exploit both men and women in the interest of expanding her fame? Doesn’t this make Violet a deeply problematic symbol of women’s equality?
Maybe I’m being too harsh. After all, she helped so many people with her books, right? Ah, yes, let’s talk about the inane drivel that passed for self-help penned by Violet Volk—if she even wrote her own books (for all we know there’s a ghostwriter under an NDA floating around somewhere). If you consider platitudes you could find embroidered on a pillow dressed up in f-bombs to make them “edgy” in any way helpful. None of the ideas she presents in her books are particularly groundbreaking. They’re mostly cribbed from the New Thought spiritual movement, which went on to influence The Law of Attraction, The Secret, and countless other philosophies that claim you can manifest any reality. All Volk did was add a dash of Rocky Horror’s subversive vibe and “don’t dream it, be it” motto to be more on-brand for her.
The books and onslaught of motivational seminars (insert cash register noises here) basically had Volk doing a handful of magic tricks while proclaiming the key to getting the life you want is to visualize and dream really, really hard. Yeah, because it’s that simple.
Dreams are all well and good, but once in a while you need to wake up and stop visualizing an idealized reality. Same goes for people. Sometimes you need to see an individual not for who you want them to be, but for who they really are.
Open your eyes and take a good look at Violet Volk. This is not a quality person worthy of so much adulation. This is an overvalued person who has based her existence on lies and manipulation.
Violet Volk has cemented her place as a cultural icon of the 1990s and 2000s, but let’s finally see her for what she really is: a trickster, a phony. A fraud.
Strange Exits
Episode 10: “Sasha and Quinn Dwyer”
CAMERON FRANK: When I started this podcast about Violet Volk, there were a lot of people I hoped to interview, but none more than her sister, Sasha Dwyer.
I’ve long felt an inexplicable connection to Sasha. Here was this woman living through a turbulent time in her life and having to do so in a media spotlight. Sasha showed a level of poise few of us would be able to muster under such duress, and she was criticized for it. Not only that, the few times she’s spoken about Violet honestly and was … let’s say, less than effusive, not only did she receive additional public criticism but she was also the target of threats and acts of vandalism to her home and business. And while both law enforcement and armchair sleuths have dismissed Sasha as a person of interest in her sister’s disappearance, her reputation among the Wolf Pack is still tainted, as they remain convinced she wrote the “Violet Is a Fraud” takedown. What evidence do they have to back that up? Nothing solid I could find. Baseless hunches more than anything else.
If you ask me, Sasha’s been getting a bad rap. It’s been said many times, but it bears repeating: there is no right way to grieve. Just because she doesn’t break down in front of news crews doesn’t mean she isn’t feeling the pain of losing her sister. And if she prefers to avoid the media altogether, that’s her prerogative. After all, it’s not like Sasha has been shown in the most sympathetic light. Who could blame her for being press-shy?
I certainly can’t, and that’s why I wasn’t surprised when Sasha turned down my numerous interview requests. What did surprise me was when she finally said yes and when her daughter, Quinn, also said yes. It’s my great pleasure to welcome Sasha and Quinn Dwyer to Strange Exits.
SASHA DWYER: Thanks. I know the right thing is to say I’m happy to be here, but I’m still in immediately-regretting-this-decision territory. No offense.
CAMERON FRANK: None taken. Quinn, how are you holding up?
QUINN DWYER: Better than I was at the vigil. Though I’m still keeping an eye on the door. That was a nice intro you did for Mom. So nice, I didn’t even mind being mentioned as an afterthought.
CAMERON FRANK: I didn’t intend that—I just know how protective Sasha has been about keeping you out of the media—
QUINN DWYER: Relax, I’m just messing with you. Consider it payback for how much you hounded us to come on this podcast.
CAMERON FRANK: Fair enough. I’m sorry if my enthusiasm was too much and I went a little overboard trying to get you to participate.
SASHA DWYER: And I’m sorry if my desire to live a normal life with some semblance of privacy was getting in the way of your career objectives.