Absolutely Unforgivable(93)

Afterwards, I splashed some water on my face and then asked everyone to give me a second. I needed just a moment alone. As I ran my hand along the contours of Billy’s dresser I noticed his lyric journal. I recognized it instantly as the one he had been writing in on our last day together. I had replayed that day in my mind and I remember vividly him scrolling down the words to some new song. I didn’t know for sure but I suspected it was about me, or maybe our relationship.

I picked it up and browsed through it. I found the last page he had written in. I sat down in his chair, the one he sat in so often while he watched me sleep. My hands were shaking as I held the book. What he wrote wasn’t complete but they were his words, his final words. The thoughts that had been on his mind just before he died.

Sometimes the worst thing you could ever do is fall in love. Love is cruel. Love is not always kind. I shed too many tears and wasted too much time.

I search for the right words to say. I wonder if you do the same.

I have to let you go. I have to say goodbye. I have to find a way to get you out of my mind. It’s over now. You broke my heart.

Someday you’ll miss me. Someday you’ll want me back. Someday you'll realize how lonely life can be.

I awake each morning to start a new day. But the pain of losing you never goes away.

Sometimes the worst thing you could ever do is fall in love. Love is cruel. Love is not always kind. I shed too many tears and wasted too much time.

My body began to shake and tears started to stream down my face yet again. Jeromy, hearing my distress, came into the room and wrapped me in his loving, supportive arms.

“It’s going to be okay, Stacy. You’ll see.”

“How is it going to be okay, Jeromy?” I really just didn’t understand how he could say that. It wasn’t going to be okay. My relationship with Billy may not have been that long, but he was my soul mate. The time we had together was the most amazing time of my life. He was my world and I didn’t know how I could go on without him.

“Listen, Stacy. I need you to really focus on my words right now. I need to make sure you understand some things.”

I rubbed the tears from my eyes and really tried to understand what Jeromy was saying to me. He had that serious look on his face that I hated all too much.

“We are about to head out and when we get to the hospital there are going to be some crowds. Are you sure you can handle this?”

Hospital? Why are we going to the hospital and not the funeral home?

But before I could ask Jeromy he continued. “Do you understand me, Stacy? I know they have you on a lot of meds right now to keep you calm, but I need you to try and pull yourself together. Billy needs you to be strong for him right now.”

I could hear every word Jeromy was saying but none of them made any sense. Billy was dead. I watched him die in my arms. I watched them put him on the stretcher and take him away. My mind flashed to that night and the image of him on the stretcher. Then I remember the IV bag hanging over the stretcher. Why would they give an IV to someone who was dead? My heart began to race.

“Jeromy, is Billy okay?”

“We don’t know yet. They’ve had him in a medically induced coma for the past few days while they operated on him. But today they are waking him up and that’s why we are going to the hospital.”

“To the ... hospital. Where Billy is. The hospital. In a coma.” I jumped up and a huge smile came over my face.

“Stacy, are you okay?”

“Oh my God, yes I am. I am wonderful. I can’t tell you how okay I am right now. Billy is alive and that is all that matters.”





Chapter 17 - Second Chances

On the way to the hospital, Jeromy introduced me to the brunette from earlier. Her name was Susan and she and Jeromy had been friends since high school. They recently ran into each other and revived their friendship.

When the car pulled up to the hospital, I jumped out. I couldn’t wait to see Billy. Vin was quickly by my side, trying to shield me from the onslaught of rushing fans and media. I didn’t care though. Let them take all of the pictures they wanted. Nothing was going to get me down today. Billy was alive. Just barely; but still we had a fighting chance and nothing was going to take that happiness away from me.

When we arrived, Billy had just started coming to. I wanted to leap in his arms but I could tell he was far too weak for that. I wanted to know the extent of his injuries and the nurse filled me in.

“The blade went through his back and puncture an intestine and then sliced through the lining of his stomach.”