Absolutely Unforgivable(92)

I faded in and out of consciousness over the next few days which was preferable because when I was awake emotions overwhelmed me. When I closed my eyes I could still see him. I could almost feel his touch.

The next time I came to I was in the shower and Mindy and Bree were trying to clean me up. After my shower they led me to a chair in front of the bathroom mirror where they did their best to fix my hair and put some makeup on my face. I was so out of it, I didn’t even wonder why it was they were trying to clean me up. But when Trista walked into the bathroom with a black dress, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I started screaming, “No! No! No!” and the tears started rolling down my cheeks.

“Damn it, Trista. We just got her makeup done. Now look what you have done,” Mindy sniped while Bree tried to calm me down and hold me in place.

“I’m not ready for this. I can’t do it. No. I can’t. It’s too soon.”

Jeromy came in to see what had upset me this time and ripped the dress out of Trista’s hand, while giving her an evil glare. Trista left the room as Jeromy came into the bathroom, squatting down on the floor, trying to get eye level with me.

“I can’t, Jeromy. I can’t.” I shook my head and then put my face back in my hands to cry some more.

Jeromy turned to Vin, who was now standing behind him. “Get her some more.”

Oh God they were going to drug me again. “No!” I said loudly. Lowering my voice, I continued. “Please. I don’t want to be sedated. I can do this. I’m sorry. I’ll pull myself together. I promise.” I know they were only trying to help but I wanted a clear mind for Billy’s funeral. I needed to remember this day, as horrible as it would no doubt be.

Jeromy, who had always been a take charge kind of guy barked out instructions to everyone. Bree was to fix my makeup, Mindy was to get me in the dress they had picked out for me to wear, and Vin was to stay close by, just in case.

We need to leave here within an hour. We can’t be late today of all days, so hurry it up,” he snapped as he left the room.

I looked around at everyone else as they were getting me ready and I couldn’t understand why they didn’t have black on too. This was Billy’s funeral. They should be wearing black. The more time went on, the more it started to get to me. I felt myself starting to have another panic attack, then some women I didn’t recognize entered the room.

She was tall and slender with really long legs. She had really long brown hair that flowed down past her shoulders and fell into soft ringlet curls. She took me by the hand. “Hi, Stacy. How are you doing, sweetie?”

My immediate reaction is to jump up and scream how the hell do you think I’m doing? I am about to bury the love of my life, my soul mate and you are in here asking me how I am doing? Of course I didn’t say any of that. I just kept looking at her wondering who she was. She had a genuine look of concern on her face but for some reason having this person I didn’t know touching me just got to me. Then I looked at her clothes. She was in a nice dress but it wasn’t black. It was green. Why the hell was she here on this day of all days and not showing the proper respect and wearing black? That was just the final straw.

I screamed as loud as I could. “Jeromy!”

“I’m right here,” he said as he rushed to my side. The woman dropped her hold on me and stepped back, letting Jeromy in to console me. “It’s okay,” he said as he gently rubbed my arm.

“Why are people I don’t even know coming up to me and touching me on today of all days? Do they not get I’m about to bury my fiancé?”

As I said that, Mindy gasped and a strange look came over Jeromy’s face. Jeromy dropped to his knees in front of me, putting his hands on my face, forcing me to look up at him.

“No, Stacy, no.”

I guess I didn’t tell anyone that before he was killed Billy had asked me to be his wife.

Jeromy stood up and pulled me into him to hug me tightly. “Oh Stacy, they have you on a lot of medicine. You are just confused.”

I wasn’t confused though. I remembered every minute of my last night with Billy. I had run it in my head a million times. It was only everything after his death which was a blur. But before I could say anything, I pushed Jeromy out of the way and ran to the toilet. I had been sick a lot lately. It was one of the only things I did remember vividly from the past few days.

Jeromy came in to comfort me and held my hair back. He wanted me to see a doctor but I knew what was wrong with me. My body, mind, and soul were irreparably damaged. Of course I was sick over it. I watched the man I love being murdered and he died in my arms.