A Summer to Remember(24)
Paul slid an arm around my shoulder and squeezed me closer to him. “Let me guess: when Kevin found out, he went batshit.”
I nodded my head silently. “He acted like a crazy person and accused me of trying to trap him into a marriage he didn’t want. He wanted to play the field and he’d only been out of college for two years. He wanted to live it up in New York and he certainly wasn’t ready for a shotgun wedding or a baby he didn’t need in his life because they both would be an imposition.”
“So, he made you get an abortion?”
“It was the only way,” I whispered. “I would have rather given the child up for adoption because there are plenty of childless families out there looking for white babies but…he wouldn’t hear of it. I had to have an abortion and that was final.”
“But you couldn’t do it through your parents’ health plan because then they would have known…” he trailed off.
“Exactly, so he gathered up the cash and sent me to one of those public clinics where the Pro-Lifers always boycott. I have never been so humiliated in my life and the only support I had was Talia. She was my rock and without her, I could have never gone through with it.
“Anyway, I got the abortion and everything seemed fine until one night I started to hemorrhage. Mind you, by this time, I’d been bleeding and spotting for over two weeks and the doctor and nurses at the clinic assured me this was normal and I’d be fine. I couldn’t go to the hospital because then they would have asked me about the abortion so I just dealt with all the pain and the discomfort.
“The night I started bleeding profusely, Talia called the paramedics and I was rushed to the hospital. Apparently, I wasn’t in good shape because they immediately prepped me for surgery and…it turned out a mistake was made during the initial termination procedure. I had to have an emergency surgery to correct what the abortion doctor botched and although they were able to save one of my ovaries, the chances of me having…natural children…are slim to none.”
Paul kissed my forehead. “Surely you saw specialists once you graduated university and settled here?”
“Every expensive and overpriced one on the West side. Hell, I even consulted some acupuncturist who specializes in women who have a hard time getting pregnant and he said the chances are small but…I might have a baby of my own. All the others said flat out to start freezing my eggs and when my future husband I were ready, they knew some great surrogates who had worked for patients of theirs in the past with a great success rate.”
“Please don’t tell me you froze any eggs?”
I wiped a stray tear from my left eye before I looked at him. “Are you mad? I couldn’t do that. I decided just to take my chances and life would decide on its own. I know it’s a stupid way to think but to be honest, marriage no longer was a high priority. I knew my parents would start to bother me after a while so I began to date a lot but it always led to sex and that was my way of pushing men away. I didn’t want a man to care about me and then have to tell him the heartbreaking truth. I’m a beautiful shell and that is all I am.”
Paul looked into my eyes and said out loud, “That isn’t true—”
“I’m not normal anymore, Paul!” I exclaimed as I stood and turned to face him in a position where I at least had height on my side since he still sat on my bed. “If I find some great guy then I have to go through my humiliating past in college and I don’t want to have to do that. I guess I could lie and eventually maybe he would get the hint and suggest surrogacy but I don’t want another woman having my biological children, Paul.
“If the situation comes down to that then I would rather adopt and I can do that on my own. I would be another Charlize Theron, Sandra Bullock or Michelle Pfeiffer. There are plenty of neglected children right here in the good ole U.S. of A. and they are just begging for a good home. I don’t care if it seems trendy or politically correct but when the time comes, I’ll want a child and I don’t care what color he or she is…I will just want to protect them and love them and I won’t do a wait list.
“Most men aren’t that open minded. They would want to do surrogacy so we could have a child of our own and I have faced the possibility I might be on my own for the rest of my life. That’s okay with me. I know you think I am just talking crap but I have been through a lot in my twenty-four years and I’m not willing to compromise for anyone…not even for you.”