A Summer to Remember(19)
Paul looked at me briefly as we continued to walk at a New Yorker’s pace. “No, it’s my fault. I was in such a hurry to apologize I forgot how much art galleries can be gossip mills.”
“No problem. You didn’t do any damage and besides, she spends half her time on the phone with her friends when she isn’t greeting customers or making appointments. I only put up with her because she is competent, shows up to work on time and doesn’t take an exorbitant amount of sick days,” I responded, my tone all business.
“Well, we don’t have a lot of time so I was thinking we could go to Athanasios. It’s a Greek restaurant up the street and they make the best lamb gyros. How about it?”
“As long as they are quick.”
“We can sit at the bar—the service is faster that way.”
Paul and I walked to the small hole-in-the-wall Greek place that had obviously acquired their little piece of property before the West side’s prime real estate blew up. He ordered us both a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon and two gyros with yogurt sauce.
I swigged from my wine for courage before I turned toward him on the narrow bar stools. “Thanks for taking me out to lunch. I needed this…if only to get out of the office for a while.”
His blue eyes were so pale, the green striations around the pupils stood out. “You’re welcome. Although lunch isn’t over yet.”
I laughed out loud as the wine began to take effect. My breakfast that morning had been a skinny caramel latte and nothing else. “Seriously, you didn’t do anything wrong in the Hamptons so I don’t know why you would be taking me out for an ‘apology lunch’ as you put it. It wasn’t even Ashley who pissed me off and she had nothing to do with what went down between Kevin and I. That whole situation…it’s a different kind of messed up I couldn’t possibly explain in a half an hour, Paul.”
“Yeah but something went down between you two—hell, even Stevie Wonder would have been able to see it. The hatred in your eyes and the way you talked to him…if I didn’t know any better, I would think he raped you or violated you in some way.”
The tears threatened to spill over but I kept them at bay. “It was nothing like that, believe me.” I cleared my throat and sipped from the wine. “Sorry, I don’t have any date rape or gang bang stories to share with you. College at Vassar was terribly ordinary and mostly drama-free. My father never touched me indecently and my brother never tried to feel me up. Our family is perfectly normal and not all that fascinating.
“Kevin and I…we went through a patch I can barely describe as tough because it was something else and I am not willing to share it with anyone yet. It’s just how I am. He wasn’t hurt in the process but I was and it’s something I have to live with and…I can do it…I swear to God I can but not if you keep looking at me like that.”
Paul leaned against the bar. “But that’s a lie because Talia knows. I don’t understand how I know she knows…call it intuition. If you could tell her, is it any different from telling me?”
I bit my lip before I looked away. Our gyros had arrived and they smelled absolutely delicious but suddenly, I didn’t have an appetite. What was I supposed to tell him?
Talia was the one who found me and called the ambulance, waited around for countless hours before the doctor told her I would be okay but I was damaged goods and would never be able to perform some of the most basic functions in life. I was am empty vessel and no man—not one who was self-respecting and wealthy—would ever touch me with a ten foot pole. I had zero chance of marrying into my class unless I was willing to settle for less than model material looks, washboard abs and a smile of pure heaven the way Paul stared at me now.
He’d never look at me like that again and if I told him the truth then our friendship would remain intact but any special feelings he had for me would disappear overnight.
Funny…if I was a man, none of this would be an issue, but I wasn’t and now I had to deal with the cards life dealt me.
“You’re right about Talia knowing but she’s the only one I can trust with my secret and you’re Jude’s best friend. Not even my family knows about what happened at Vassar and I would like to keep it that way,” I finally said before I sliced off a part of my gyro and stuffed it into my mouth.
It was mouthwatering good and I was quite pleased to be sharing such a great meal with Paul. He deserved this if nothing else.