A Mess of a Man (Cruel & Beautiful #2)(95)

“The thing I like about them the most is I don’t think they’re going to kill me like my old ones were going to.”





I wake in a pool of my own despair to the sound of my front door unlocking. For a second, I think it’s Sam coming back to me, only the sound of Mom’s voice sending me scrambling to hide the evidence of my rock bottom.

“Benjamin.”

She moves into the kitchen and hasn’t caught sight of me yet. I slide the last empty bottle under the couch before I say, “Mom, what are you doing here?”

My voice, catching her off guard, makes her jump out her skin.

“There you are.” She sets a heavy bag on the counter and heads my way. “Your dad said you called out sick. I brought some food including some homemade soup.”

She bends down and lays her cool hand on my forehead like I’m still a kid.

“Mom,” I say shaking her hand away. “You can’t just show up. What if I had someone over?”

Someone? Is that how it is now? I ask myself.

“You look like hell, Benjie. And I don’t see anyone here. Is Sam coming over to take care of you?”

The question burns in my chest like a motherf*cker. I shake my head stiffly.

“Well, then you need me,” she declares, getting back to her feet. “So what’s happened now?”

I can hear the disappointment in her voice. She knows I f*cked up.

“Nothing, but I need my key back.”

She spins around, a frown wrinkling her forehead.

“Ben,” she pleads.

I shake my head again. “You and Dad can’t just show up when you want. I’m a grown man.”

When I’d bought this place, giving my parents a key considering I had been a bachelor seemed like a good idea. But Dad making himself at home several weeks ago and Mom showing up unannounced has changed that idea to a bad one.

I hold out my hand. She sighs and fishes in her pocket to produce a key she lays in my palm. Then she turns and sees the TV screen frozen with Drew’s teenage face along with mine.

Her face softens as she draws her own conclusion. “Is that what this is all about?”

There’s no way to answer without spilling my guts, which I have no intentions of doing.

“The two of you were inseparable. He was the brother you didn’t have. We all miss him, Ben. Have you considered talking to someone?”

I don’t look to see the video Mom made for our high school graduation party. It’s the scene with Drew and me and our arms slung over one another looking like we’re ready to conqueror the world, frozen in time.

“Mom, I don’t want to talk about this. Thanks for the food. I need to get up and hit the shower.”

She kneels back down and pushes hair out of my face. “Oh, Benjie, promise me you’ll at least eat something.”

I nod and she bends to kiss my forehead. And as much as it makes me feels like a child, there is comfort in her touch.

“You should call your sister. She’s bound to show up if you don’t,” she says while getting to her feet. Good thing Jenna doesn’t have a key. “I’ll put away the food, then I’ll leave.”

“Before you go, what day is it?”

She’s startled by my question, but quickly smoothes away her distress, no doubt putting together how far gone I am.

“It’s Friday afternoon.” Friday? I’d lost two days by drinking all I could. “You realize there is broken glass by the door.”

If I want to pretend that two nights ago didn’t happen, I can’t answer. So I listen to her getting the broom out of the closet and sweeping it up. I push at my hair and turn to bury my face in the cushions forgetting the horrified look on Sam’s face as she left me.

After Mom’s gone, I sit up and gather the bottles I’d hastily shoved under the couch. There is no way Mom didn’t see them. I manage to get them all and pull myself to my feet. I drop them unceremoniously into the recycle bin, creating a melody of breaking glass.

My heads pounds as I make my way to my bedroom. The bed sits unmade as it had been when Sam left. I crawl on it only to rustle Sam’s fragrance. And damn if that doesn’t jerk my cock to life with the image of her sprawled naked burned into my brain.

Still horny as f*ck, it takes mere seconds with me doing nothing other than lying on my dick to send it shooting ribbons of cum on my bare chest as I roll over. Cock in hand, I finish the job, longing to be inside her.

You should call her, *. I find my phone near the bed. When I turn it on, I get a flash of a text message from Sam before my phone goes dark. I don’t get a chance to read it, but I’m certain she’s calling me every name under the sun, none of them good.

I head to the shower, something I haven’t seen the inside of in days. I’m surprised Mom didn’t mention how rank I must smell. My headache continues to pound away and I don’t deserve relief. I want to be there for her, but something stops me. What am I going to say? Will I have to lie to her like I lied to Drew? The memory is faster than I can stop it.

I’d driven hours to reach his place. His call had scared the shit out of me. Drew was always the optimist. And his words had freaked me the f*ck out.

“Drew,” I called out.

“Here.”

I glanced over to see him sprawled over the couch like a wayward blanket.