A Mess of a Man (Cruel & Beautiful #2)(97)

Five minutes later, I hear my phone fire to life. I sit with it tethered to the wall as a barrage of messages flash. I read them feeling shittier after each one. She’s called. She didn’t even sound mad. The first one is cute as she’s obviously drunk. Seems like we both turned to the bottle when we couldn’t turn to each other. Then her next is a hasty explanation.

There’s more and she seemed eager to forgive me. I don’t deserve her, my angel. She mentions news, but doesn’t tell me what. I have a few missed calls, but no more messages from Sam. That she’s scheduled for surgery puts the fear of God in me. Had they confirmed cancer? My fingers hover over the phone, but I put it down like a chicken shit.

I slip into memory like a drowning man.

We were high as shit.

“Is she gone?” Drew asked, laughing.

I nodded. “She’s going to get snacks.”

Drew guffawed like I’d said the funniest thing in the world. Only the smile died on his face.

“I want you to do something for me.”

“What?” I asked, chuckling.

He straightened and I frowned. He pulled a couple of envelopes from behind the seat cushions.

“Give this to Cate.” He pointed at one. “And give this to the guy she falls in love with.”

“What? No?”

“Benny, stop. I’m going to die. I probably have a week.”

“What?” My heart stopped in my chest. “No. I won’t accept that.”

“I’m a doctor, man. Don’t make this hard. Cate will be back here any moment and I need you to promise me.”

“Promise you what?” I snapped, anger killing my buzz.

He sighed. “I want her to move on. I want her to fall in love and be happy.”

“And how the f*ck do you propose she does that? She f*cking worships the ground you walk on. That’s asking too much, man.”

“That’s the thing. I love her so f*cking much, I want her to be happy. I took these years from her. I owe her the world. And there is some guy out there that can give her all the things I wanted to.”

“There are miracles, man.”

“Not for me. I’m a dead man talking.”

I glared at him. “You’re an *. You know that?”

He nodded. “I should have let her go.”

I jerk awake as my phone shrieks to life. I get up to get it if only to silence it. The sound punches at my head like a heavyweight boxer. Sam’s picture in the yellow bikini flashes on the screen a second before it goes dark.

There is no way I can call her back. Hearing her voice will only make me lose my resolve. So I open a text message box and start to type. I erase it several times. I’m about to start another one when a message comes through.



Sam: This is my last message. I’m sorry about Drew. But I’m mostly sorry about us. I get it. We’re done. Don’t bother to write back. Lose my number. I’m deleting yours. I hope you have a happy life.



I’m doing us both a favor, I think. You are good people like Drew. You would want the same for me just as Drew wanted for Cate. I’m just skipping to the end because I can’t watch you die.



Me: I’m sorry.



I hit send and turn off my phone. With a fresh bottle and my laptop, I set up shop in my office to take care of business before making friends with Jack. Mr. Daniels and I haven’t spent much time together. But we will.

The knock at my door won’t stop. I blink several times from my place on the couch. I haven’t slept in my room, not having the heart to smell her or remove the sheets. The rap gets more persistent.

“I’m coming, I’m coming.”

I groan when I see the figure through the peephole. I unlock the door but walk away, hoping to lie back down before the yelling starts.

“What. The. Hell. Ben?”

Jenna bursts through the door like the little fireball she is.

“Please stop yelling,” I beg softly.

“Like hell I will. I’ve called you for days. Mom said you were sick, so I gave you a pass. But Dad said he hasn’t seen you all week. This isn’t like you.”

I cover my head with a cushion hoping she’ll take the hint and go away. Unfortunately, for me, my sister is a tenacious bitch. She pries the throw cushion from my hand and glares at me.

“You reek and look like Sasquatch.” She chuckles for a moment and I have no idea why, but it rings church bells in my head. I close my eyes against the pain. When I don’t laugh, she sobers. “Ben, tell me what’s going on. Have you been listening to this?”

She points to the YouTube music video that’s paused on the screen and the story of what happened between Sam and me regurgitates out of my mouth with a life of its own.

When I’m done, her face holds a pensive look. She bends over and wraps me in her embrace. And my body suffers through the shuddering emotion that pours out of me. I’m no longer able to hold it back.

She pulls back. “Ben.”

I shake my head. “Don’t say it. I can’t do it. I won’t watch her die.”

“Ben,” she says again. “You don’t know if she’s going to die. Have you called her?”

“It’s too late for that. She told me to lose her number.”