A Mess of a Man (Cruel & Beautiful #2)(90)

My phone buzzes. It’s Laney.

“Yeah.”

“Stay on the line with me. I’m meeting Lauren at your place and we’re coming to get you. I’ll drive you home. Can you tell me what happened?”

Her simple question brings on a new barrage of tears.

“Oh, Jesus, Sam. I’m sorry. Just stay calm. I can’t stand to hear you like this.”

“L-l-laney, I’m so s-s-scared.”

“What happened?”

“I have a lump.”

“A lump?”

I fill my lungs with a shaky breath. “In my right breast.”

“Oh, f*ck,” Laney says. “How did you …?”

I don’t let her finish before blurting out, “Ben found it.”

“Ben? When?”

“A few m-m-minutes ago.”

“I don’t understand. Hang on, I just got to your place and Lauren’s getting in the car.”

I can hear the car door closing. Then I can hear Lauren’s voice in the background, but Laney hushes her. “Okay, Sam, so Ben found it. But then why are you in his driveway?”

Her question has me going numb. The entire scene replays itself again and I want to hate us both. Him for calling me a liar. And me for my denial, my intentions. But am I a liar? When was I going to tell him? My fear of losing him had me frozen, paralyzed, and look where it got me.

“He accused me of lying to him about everything when I told him about our family history.”

“He what? What an *!”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Wait, you’re defending him?”

“Laney, you don’t understand.” And I break down into another round of tears.

“Okay, hang tight. We’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Promise me you won’t go anywhere.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

She makes me stay on the phone until she pulls in the driveway behind me. They both get out of the car and when they see how broken I am, Lauren threatens to go to the door and break it down to get at Ben.

“No, Lauren, leave it be.”

“He needs his ass kicked. This is when you need him the most.”

I know she doesn’t mean it, but her words bring on yet another round of sobs. I have to stop this. I’m not the sobbing type, but I can’t seem to break this cycle.

Laney says, “You need to move to the passenger side so I can drive.”

Nodding, I get out and shuffle over to the other side of the car with Lauren holding my hand. Before I get in, she hugs me, saying, “It’s going to be all right, Sam.”

I crumple into her hug and wrap my arms around her, tears raining down my face. “I wish I could believe it, but right now, my world is collapsing.” I feel as though I’m being sucked into a bottomless pit and everything is fading in my life.

“It’s only temporary. I promise.” And she tucks me into my seat, buckling me in. Is this what it’s come to? I feel like a child needing to be taken care of.

Lauren leaves and then Laney backs the car out. I lean my head against the warm glass and close my wet and swollen eyes. “I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and do everything over again.”

“What would you do differently?”

“I would tell Ben about our breast cancer history.”

Laney is quiet for a moment. Then she asks, “And what do you think it would change?”

When I think about it, I don’t have an answer. Would he have run? Probably. He’s so scared of cancer, it’s crazy. And I can’t blame him. It wasn’t about the breasts all along. It was the devastation of losing his best friend to cancer and his fears of going through that all over again. He would’ve run, no matter what.

As Laney drives, she makes a call. I’m not totally with it, so when she starts talking, my ears perk up.

“Yes, I need to make an appointment for my sister, Samantha Calhoun. She found a lump in her right breast and needs to be seen soon.”

Laney glances at me and I nod.

“Friday?” She looks at me and I nod again. “What time? Ten thirty?” I nod. “That would work out fine. And thank you.”

“Thanks, sis,” I mumble.

“Do you want me to call Mom or will you?”

“I can do it, but not now. I’m not in the right state of mind.”

“I get it. But Sam, don’t wait too long. She loves you too much not to know this.”

“I know.”

We pull up in my driveway and Lauren is already there. When we get inside, I drop onto the couch and Lauren shows up with a shot of Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey. “Down this right now.”

I don’t bother to argue because I need it badly.

Lauren sits on one side and Laney on the other. Lauren says, “Start at the beginning, sweets.”

So I tell them the whole ugly truth. Every single bit of it. By the time I finish, they both want to get back in the car and kick in Ben’s door, strip him naked, and castrate him.

“It’s not like that, you all.”

Lauren looks at me like I belong in the psych unit. “The man just ripped your heart out, shredded it in front of your eyes, then stomped on it and kicked you out of his house, all when you were at your lowest point. After, I might add, you told him you love him. How can you possibly defend him?”