A Life More Complete(62)
“Better?” I ask as I enter the room. My breath is huffy and my teeth gritted. I can’t even look at him. He’s sliding a skinny black tie around his neck when he looks back at me.
“No. That’s worse. Go put the other dress back on.” He doesn’t even take the time to turn around for more than a second before returning to his tie.
“Fuck you. I’m going to the wedding alone. You’re the last person I want there with me.” I turn on my heel and grab the original dress and the shoes off the floor. I slam the door to the hotel room for effect, which I’m sure is completely unnecessary, yet totally necessary all at the same time. I storm out to the car. I’m not conforming to his irreproachably high standards of appropriateness. I’m sick of the judgment and ridicule for every action or word that is not the view that Tyler somehow concocted of me in his mind. Yet, here I stand in the parking lot waiting for him to follow me. Our relationship picked up right where it left off. I want him to chase me and apologize and tell me he loves me.
I back out of the parking spot with part of me still wishing for Tyler to appear. As I round the corner of the parking lot I nearly hit him with the front end of my car.
“Get in,” I yell out the window and he climbs into the passenger seat. He says nothing but he reaches across and takes my hand. His fingers weave with mine and he places a small kiss on the top of my hand. The kiss moves through my body like lightning. The chemistry between us is undeniable. It might be the one thing that continues to save this relationship time and time again. I want this; I want him more than I care to admit. If I continue to run every time we have an argument, I’ll be running without ever stopping.
I pull the car over onto the side of the road as it rolls to a stop among the towering trees and crunching leaves. I climb over and straddle Tyler’s lap taking him by surprise. I place my hands on either side of his face and kiss him.
“I want this to be good. Can we stop this? I need to know we will be okay.” He looks up at me with soulful eyes.
“This is just who were are. If it were always easy, would either of us fight for it? We’ve been this way for as long as I can remember, so why change now?” A small smile pulls at my lips. I have to agree with him. Why stop now? We say stupid things. He evokes anger in me I never knew existed and when that emotion mixes with my obsessive love for him it forms into an intense longing and desire to be near him, touch him, feel him against my body and I allow it to consume me entirely.
I take a deep breath and climb back into the driver’s seat. I want this, but that feeling of regret still pulls at the back of my mind. I mentally explain it away with the rationalization that the engagement was quick and that’s what nags at me, yet I know, but won’t freely admit it’s more than that. The rush that I get from being with Tyler is hard to deny, and it’s even harder to walk away from. The thought make my chest hurt, a painful tightening as if I have smoked a pack of cigarettes. Can we make this work? Nothing is a given, but my need to try is crushing.
“Can we really do this?” I ask him. “I’m damaged and you’re just as bad, but I want this to work. I want a family. I want to correct the past. We can, right?”
“Whatever you want, I want it, too.” He makes me smile big and bright. I put the car in drive and follow the road without even thinking about it any longer.
---Chapter 18---
As soon as I pull into the parking lot of the state park where the wedding is being held, I scramble from the car full of nervous energy. For the first time in my life I’m so excited to see my sisters. I want to make things right. I have a longing to fix what was lost and broken so many years ago. We have just minutes to spare as the two of us briskly walk hand in hand to the rows of white wooden folding chairs. I pull Tyler into the first available row and slip into the seats without even looking around. He runs his finger over my ring absentmindedly and looks around. The music kicks up and Rachel appears at the end of the white runner. I suck in a breath and after that I remember nothing.
She’s standing alone. The image pulls tears from my eyes and they fall soundlessly down my cheeks. No one to walk her down the aisle, no one to give her away, this is our life. I didn’t expect to have this reaction, yet my sentimental side supersedes control. Tyler clutches my hand more firmly and brings it to his lips, placing a chaste kiss before returning it to its resting place. Rachel moves slowly down the white plastic aisle runner, a smile displayed on her face while her eyes seek the only thing she can focus on—the man standing in front of her. She is in his enthralls and his look tells me that there is not a single woman on the planet that could ever compare to her.