A Life More Complete(63)
Rachel looks like only Rachel can look. How she was never tracked down and recruited for a reality TV show or some ridiculous modeling call is beyond me. She looks straight out of a magazine. Her dress off-white tulle and lace, gives her the look of a teacup turned upside down. Her skin is flawless and her blue eyes set off by her tan and exquisite makeup. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bride look as beautiful as she does. I’ve been to far too many weddings and most of them were for clients who could afford to buy the best of everything. Rachel puts them all to shame.
Tyler leans over and whispers in my ear, pulling me from my thoughts. “Rachel looks amazing. I forgot how beautiful she is.”
“I know. She’s so pretty.”
“Soon this will be us and there is no way she will ever top you. Plus I have always been partial to brunettes.” He winks at me and I can’t help but smile at him.
The ceremony is completed in less than twenty minutes and Rachel and her adorable new husband, Paul make their way to the tent that is adjacent to the ceremony site. Tyler and I hang back to give her space. The last thing I want to do is bombard her on her wedding day and although the number of guests is small, I still know there are people in attendance who have more interaction with her in her day to day life than I do. The ache to see and hug her is strong, much more apparent than I expected. I have a newfound sense of family and with it comes the urge to right everything wrong in ours. In addition, watching Trini destroy her life with drugs and alcohol, it has only added to the fact that I need to make things right. I want to create a relationship with my sisters that we should’ve had when we were young.
Just as the seats are clearing out I notice my sister Maizey rise from the front row. She looks completely different than the last time I saw her. At that time drugs had taken over her body and she looked nothing like the girl I grew up with. But now she’s gorgeous, long dark hair, nearly the same shade as mine, beautiful blue eyes and immaculately dressed. Before, Maizey had been sloppy, unkempt and disheveled, her hair always dirty and her skin flawed with acne. The same can’t be said for her today.
We notice each other at precisely the same moment and her face mirrors what I feel mine must look like. We embrace and I can feel her tears fall onto my bare shoulder. I can’t let go of her; just having her in my arms lets me know that she’s okay. Seeing her only solidifies my thoughts. When we finally pull away I notice that Tyler and the man who was standing with Maizey have now moved quite a distance away from us and are chatting. I take her face in my hands.
“Oh my God. You look wonderful. Do you have any idea how great it is to see you?” I pull her into another hug and she comes willingly.
“I’ve been sober for three years now,” she manages to force out through her sobs.
“Three years?” I question as I push her away from me. It’s been three years. Why hasn’t she tried to contact me is all I can think. In the last three years, I’ve called her cell and left countless voicemails only to find out now that she was fine is a bit hard to take. She’s obviously been in touch with Rachel, but not me. For some reason I’m hurt when I know I have no right to be. I didn’t try to find her. I just always assumed she followed the route our father took and to be honest I really wanted no part of that again.
“Yes, three years,” she says softly. She looks at me sadly. “Are you mad?” Her left hand moves to her face as she wipes away the residual tears left on her cheeks. And there it is, a wedding ring and matching band. My baby sister is married and I had no idea. My anger turns to sadness. Sadness for everything in her life I missed, for what we’ve become.
“Why didn’t you return my calls? How could you have let me think that you were...” I don’t finish the sentence. My words are accusing and harsh and judging by the look her face, she’s appalled at my audacity to question her choices.
“It wasn’t like that. Let me explain. I really wanted you to...” she trails off as she begins to cry again. “You were the closest thing I had to a mother and I’d made such a mess of my life with Kevin and the drugs and all the other shit that went down, I couldn’t face you, let alone hear your voice. It killed me. You’ve done so well on your own and I was a total failure.” She begins to cry harder. It’s difficult to decipher her words through her ragged breathing and cries. “I needed to make it right before I could face you. I want you to be proud of me. Your opinion of me is the only one that matters.”