Yours Truly (Part of Your World, #2)(58)

Amy stood in the middle of the throng with Jeremiah petting Lieutenant Dan. My brother was in a red Hawaiian shirt, telling some animated story, and Amy wore a white cocktail dress with a lei around her neck, laughing at whatever he was saying.

This was only the second time I’d ever seen them together as a couple. Once at the bar when they broke the wedding news, and now. But this time was different. It didn’t sting the way it did last time. Actually it didn’t feel like anything at all.

No. It felt like relief—because that could have been me down there, at my own engagement party with her. And that would have been the biggest mistake of my life.

I was glad it was over between us.

I think this was the first moment that I actually felt this way. I was glad it was over.

I didn’t miss her. Seeing her with someone else didn’t bother me. At all. Maybe because for the first time in my life I spent my days with someone who seemed to understand me, and the comparison just highlighted how wrong Amy and I had been together. And then I wondered why I’d let it drag on with her as long as I did.

How many years did I waste being that unhappy—that lonely? Why did I wait so long to do anything about it? To say something to her? To let her know how I felt? I’d just stayed, and I was miserable.

“Are you okay?” Briana whispered.

I shook my head, thinking about all the time I lost. “No.”

And I wasn’t done paying for it. Because I still had to get through today. This was Amy and Jeremiah’s party, but I was the entertainment.

“Everyone’s going to be looking at me,” I said quietly.

“No. They’re going to be looking at me. And I’m going to be looking at you. Like this.”

She put her hands on my chest and peered up at me lovingly. Long lashes. Deep brown eyes.

Beautiful.

My heart started to pound, the same way it had when she’d been in my bedroom. It pounded the way it did when she called, or when I saw a letter from her, or when she came out of her house and jogged down the steps.

And she was looking at me now like she loved me.

I knew it wasn’t true. But it felt true. Everyone else would think it was.

I stared back at her. She was holding my gaze and smiling softly and in that moment I wanted to lean down and kiss her, the same way I’d wanted to earlier at my house.

What would she do if I did?

I wanted to know if she ever thought of me like I thought of her. If she got excited to see me. If she had feelings for me beyond our friendship, or if she’d ever thought about it being more than this. I wanted to know if any of this was real. Because it was starting to feel real. At least for me.

I cleared my throat and looked away. “Come on. Let’s get this over with,” I said.

The Beach Boys were playing when we came outside. A blender was running. There were probably at least a hundred people here and the party was loud, but it felt like everything hushed the second we started making our way down the stairs.

Everyone was looking at us.

Briana’s hand slipped into mine and tightened, and I realized how absolutely unbearable this would have been without her. If I had to come here alone, I wouldn’t have been able to do it.

“There they are!” Mom said, spotting us. She closed the distance between us with a coconut drink in one hand and a lei in the other, Lieutenant Dan hopping at her feet. “I waited to carve the pig until you two got here,” she said, hugging Briana and slipping the fresh-flower necklace over her neck. She kissed me hello, and the party sounds resumed around us.

Gwen, Jewel, and Walter came over. Mom left to greet more guests and I stood quietly while Briana made small talk on my behalf, my anxiety at a low hum.

I had to go introduce Briana to Amy and Jeremiah and say hi. Soon.

It would never be as awkward as it would be right now. I knew we just had to get this initial introduction over with, let everyone stare at us, and the rest would only get easier. But I was dreading it. I was trying to rally my courage to go over there. But in the end, Amy and Jeremiah came to us.

“You made it!” Amy said, breezing in and parting the group.

“Thanks for coming.” Jeremiah beamed, coming in for a hug in that confident way my little brother had. The easy rapport of a slightly drunk extrovert surrounded by his own people at his own party.

I felt frozen.

Shut off again, like that day in Benny’s hospital room. Rendered mute by the complicated dynamic of this impossible situation and all the people watching me. Every single person at this party was holding their breath, wondering, How will Jacob deal with seeing Amy with his brother?

My dog pushed his head under my hand.

Amy’s eyes went back and forth between me and Briana. “And this is…?” she asked when I didn’t introduce them.

“Briana,” Briana said, smiling at my ex. “Congratulations on the engagement.”

I cleared my throat. “This is my girlfriend,” I managed.

“I know!” Amy said, a little too brightly. “They told us you had one. We couldn’t believe it.”

I don’t think she meant it to come out like that, but it did. I felt Briana tense next to me.

“I know what you mean,” Briana said curtly. “When Jacob told me what this party was for, I couldn’t believe that either.”

Amy’s mouth fell open. Walter buried his nose in his cup of beer, Gwen sucked air through her teeth, and Jewel whispered, “Damn. Double homicide,” under her breath.