Within These Wicked Walls(60)

“Protect—” My heart felt heavy as a rock. “Kelela. No.”

“I’ve already made up my mind.”

“Magnus won’t agree to it.”

“No one in their right mind would volunteer for this. And I—” She paused. Swallowed. “I love him. I know he doesn’t love me the same way, but I can’t help it. I’ve watched him suffer for three years … I can’t do it anymore.”

We were quiet for a moment.

“So, do you swear?” she asked again, and her voice warbled slightly.

Immediately the scripture stating not to swear settled in my head, as it always did in these situations. But this was a great sacrifice Kelela was making, and I could tell just by looking at her she was terrified. She needed to hear it. “I swear it.”

We stood there awkwardly for a moment. “So, will this all happen tonight? I couldn’t get Peggy to agree to stay overnight.”

I raised my eyebrows slightly. “So, the dinner party…?”

“Esjay’s idea. But Peggy helping was mine. There’s no way I’d get away with this with her in the house.”

I couldn’t help but grin. So, her evil actually could be used for good.

“He’s in the game room,” I said. She led the way while I hung back with Saba to exchange wary looks.

“I knew I smelled your perfume,” Magnus said, though he kept his eyes on his drawing. “After yesterday, I didn’t think—”

“Magnus.” I could already hear tears in her voice. She dropped down next to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, making him drop his pencil. “You have to look at me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said, but squeezed his eyes shut, as if he expected her to try it without his cooperation.

“I’m the only volunteer you’re going to get.”

“Stop, Kelela.” He shoved her off, leaning over his knees and pressing his hand to his eyes for extra security. “Have you lost your mind?”

“From the day I met you.”

Magnus let out a small laugh that slowly developed into sobs. He cried into his hand, and I wanted so badly to go comfort him, but I stayed where I was.

Kelela rubbed his shoulder. “It’s okay, Magnus—”

“It’s not okay,” he said between gasps. “Do you know what you’re asking me to do? If I look at you, you’ll die.”

“I want to do this for you. I’ve watched you suffer for three years. I want you to be free.” She took his hand, and I had to look away. It was the wrong time and place to feel jealous, to be hurt by a simple gesture. But I can admit, it hurt in multiple ways, the main one at the moment being that I felt ashamed for thinking petty thoughts about her when all this time she was selfless … and incredibly brave.

“What do you expect me to tell Esjay?” asked Magnus.

“Nothing,” Kelela said. “He’ll never know. Andromeda said she’ll protect me.”

“I don’t think she can.” Magnus groaned and sniffled, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “God, Kelela, if you die—”

“Then you’ll have to live your life to the fullest for the both of us.”

He shook his head. “I can’t do this to you.”

“I’ve missed looking you in the eye. They’re what I fell in love with first, you know. Can’t I spend one last day falling in love with you again?”

Magnus dragged Kelela into an embrace, and it was so genuine I had to look away. He … he loved her. It was clear. No matter how many sweet nothings he swore were for me, there was no denying the desperation in that hug, as if he were anchoring her soul to this earth.

Nearly a minute passed, it seemed, before they let each other go, slowly. Magnus took deep breaths that were interrupted by occasional hiccups. And then he swiped his hand across his wet eyes and looked up at me. “You’ll protect her?”

I felt my heart crack into dust. I tried to swallow, but my throat was too dry. There would be plenty of time to feel stupid about falling for his lies yet again, but just now wasn’t it. Besides, how could I feel anything when I couldn’t even think? I barely knew what I was supposed to feel … all I knew was that I would be a horrible person if I said no.

Think of the greater good, Andi. Magnus will be free. Saba will rest in peace. The Evil Eye will be gone … you’ll have your patronage.

A sour taste rose up in my throat just thinking about it.

I was back to the beginning, wasn’t I? Back to only caring for myself.

Back to being alone.

“Andromeda,” Magnus said earnestly. He reached for my hand, but I couldn’t bear to take it. “Please?”

A laugh got caught in my throat. A sob, a scoff. I cleared my throat of all those things and nodded. “I will.”

And with the last of my strength, I forced back any emotion that could hinder me from surviving—how it felt to be in his arms, to be kissed by him, to lov—

I shoved it all back until all that remained was angered determination.

Magnus closed his eyes and took one more deep breath before turning to face Kelela. He forced his eyes open, staring widely at her, then squeezed them shut again. “I can’t do it anymore,” he gasped.