Weekend Surrender (The Surrender Trilogy, #1)(40)

Instead of facing them in the kitchen, she found herself walking out the front door in search of fresh air so her thoughts didn’t suffocate her. She stopped at the edge of the porch stairs unwilling to step out into the sunshine and leave them completely behind. There was a pull deep in her chest to go back in there, and sink into the arms of one of the other brothers.

To let them soothe away the unease that Parker’s experiment had caused inside of her. But to do it would be admitting that Parker and Hudson were right. It would be admitting she felt something for them, and she wasn’t ready to be that vulnerable again after the events of the last several hours.

“Are you okay, Rachel?” Rogan’s voice skittered over her jumpy nerves, and she held her ground, refusing to turn around and face him. Instead she just nodded, silently staring out into the vast nothingness of the grassy fields.

Rogan moved up behind her, but he didn’t touch her. He was close enough she could feel the heat from his body through her clothing. Her traitorous libido reacted to his nearness, and she felt her pu-ssy grow wet. This was ridiculous. No man should have this kind of power over a woman, and yet she was surrounded by them.

She moved down the porch steps, and took a seat on the bottom step, putting much needed distance between them.

“Rachel, what happened earlier…”

“What? What exactly happened earlier, Rogan?” she snapped, tossing her hair over her shoulder, and flashing an irritated glare at him.

The frown on his face grew deeper, but he moved closer, taking a seat on the steps next to her. “I thought we made it pretty clear how we felt, but…” his voice fell off when she didn’t respond.

If she stayed another minute, there was no way she would be able to avoid getting her heart broken times four. Four men equaled four painfully tragic break ups. Besides, this whole weekend was meant to be a fun exploration of herself, not the beginning of a happily ever after.

“Rachel, talk to me,” Rogan’s voice brought her back to the front porch steps, and she tipped her head up to the sun, soaking in its heat. It was a sign that nothing had changed. She could still hear the imagined whispers of love in her ears as she stiffened her resolve. If they weren’t strong enough to say it when she was face to face with them, well then, she wasn’t going to let it concern her either.

She stood, and turned to face Rogan. “Rogan, this weekend has been…memorable, thank you.”

Really she meant to walk away and leave it at that, but Rogan was having none of it. Faster than lightning he was on his feet and grabbing her arm to spin her back around so she had to face him. “Are you fu-cking kidding? Memorable? Thank you? That’s all you have to say after the last two days?”

The blood drained from her face as she stared into his dark eyes. Hurt radiated out of him, and she felt terrible for it. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Rogan. It’s been amazing, sexy, erotic, delicious, mind blowing…a million adjectives would describe it and yet not one word can do it justice, but I need to leave now. I promised you all the weekend, and now it’s time for us all to get back to the real world. Let me go, Rogan, you don’t want this.”

“I don’t want this? Do you even hear yourself? You have four of us who want to be everything you could possibly need, and you’re going to just walk away?”

Honest anguish was hard to overlook, but Rachel knew she was doing the right thing. She couldn’t stay. Once these four realized how the community would look down on them for this kind of relationship, they would break it off, and rip her heart out.

So what if other people did it all the time. Those people didn’t have lives and careers built on the kindness of the people in this community. A town where she had lived her whole life.

“Yes, Rogan. I’m going to just walk away like we agreed to when I said I would come out here Friday night. One weekend, with no talk of tomorrow. No promises that can be broken, no feelings that can be hurt, and if you don’t let me walk away we’ll both regret it.”

She turned and walked into the house, hesitating when she again heard the other three brothers’ voices in the kitchen. Instead of facing them she walked deliberately down the hallway to get her things from Parker’s room. Flashes of her pleading and begging the four men to make love to her threatened to overwhelm the tentative grip she had on her decision, so she rushed to collect her things and phone the one person she knew wouldn’t judge her actions. Her best friend, Zoey.

It felt like hours but mere minutes passed before Zoey’s battered sedan came rumbling down the Brooks brothers’ drive. Rachel stood on the edge of the porch trying to decide whether or not she should go back inside the house and say goodbye, or just leave. Ultimately, she needed a clean break to protect her own shaky heart, so she walked away.

Down the steps. One…two…three…four…to the pavered walk that lead to the drive. Her bag clutched in her grip like a lifeline, and her eyes boring into the questioning gaze of her closest confidant.

“What’s going on, Ray?” Zoey’s concerned voice nearly broke down the line of Rachel’s spine, but she managed a sharp shake of her head as she climbed into the car.

Before Rachel could second-guess her decision, Zoey had them turned around and flying back down the gravel drive. In the side mirror, Sawyer and Rogan stood on the edge of the front porch—one looking furious, and one looking heartbroken.