Under the Table(57)

“I know.” Phyllis grinned. “I clean up nice.”

They sat over prime rib and a bottle of wine, both of them savoring a meal that wasn’t fast food.

“I’m looking forward to getting home,” Phyllis said during dessert. “I haven’t been in the same room with Jeff in almost a month. That’s not to say I’m not going to appreciate the hell out of that bed upstairs tonight.”

“Do you ever get lonely?” Zoey replied.

Phyllis was thoughtful for a moment. “Sometimes. Not too often. I like my own company. And you know, there is a huge difference between being lonely and alone. Both serve a purpose. When you’re alone, you can listen to what your heart really has to say without other people’s opinions getting in the way. You just have to be strong enough to live your truth after you hear it. And you can be in a room full of people and still be lonely.”

For a woman of few words, Phyllis really knew how to drive a point home. Zoey took the statement and reflected on how it applied to her own life. Was it a fear of loneliness that kept her with Derek as long as she did? After all, she didn’t have to move to New York to get rid of him. She could’ve crossed the bridge and moved to Cleveland. But at the time, she just couldn’t bear the thought of running into Derek and having him see her struggling.

And was it a fear of loneliness that kept her as Ruth’s roommate? She knew the kind of life Ruth led. It was easier to wallow in disapproval than strike out on her own.

Which brought her to Tristan. It was likely she was so gung-ho about making him over because she projected her own fear of being lonely onto him. No, that wasn’t true either. He may have started out alone, but it was clear he had gotten lonely. It’s what made him reach out to her in the first place. Their backstories might have been different, but a lot of their motives were the same.

“I think I’m ready for you to drop me off,” Zoey stated with conviction.

“Good,” Phyllis replied with a grin. “Because I was getting ready to kick you out. I like you and all, but it’s time to get back to your own way of life.”

“Thanks for letting me ride along. I think I just needed the time to get my head on straight.”

“Did it work?”

“I think it did.”

“Where do you think you’re going to land?”

Zoey was able to answer without hesitation. “New York City. I’m not sure if it’s my final stop, but I have some apologies to make there. And a fight to have.”





Chapter 22




There was only one other time Zoey had forgotten to return a key. The night she met Tristan. There was no indecision about what she would do with the key she kept this time. After busing her way back to New York, she let herself in to lie in wait for Ruth. She weighed the possibility that tonight might turn out like that time in middle school when they both ended up with missing chunks of hair and temporary bald spots.

The apartment already looked different to her since she had left it. It was tidy. No dishes in the sink, no random garments on the floor. There wasn’t a single piece of evidence that any partying had taken place.

Zoey plugged in her phone and turned it on while she waited. The only calls she had received during her sabbatical were job opportunities with deadlines that had passed. Figures. There were no texts at all.

Ruth came in, hours after she would’ve gotten off work. Blake was behind her.

“Zoe.” Ruth showed little surprise at finding Zoey perched on the edge of her futon. “Where have you been?”

“Worried about me, were you?” Zoey replied. “I’m sure Derek called you the minute after he shot-put my suitcase.”

Blake interjected with a judicial “You ladies have a lot to talk about, so I’m going to cut out.” He gave Ruth a quick kiss. “Call me later.”

“Derek did call and told me all about it. It gave me one more chance to call him a shit gibbon,” Ruth said as she closed the door behind Blake. Then she asked, “If you didn’t want to go with him, then why did you?”

“Who are you to question me when you need to explain why you told Derek to hurry up and get here?”

Ruth didn’t try to mount a defense. “To get you to make a damn decision.”

“How can I make one of those if you’re busy sabotaging me? Your loyalty has always been with Derek! You’ve been meddling since the day I left him.”

“Maybe it’s time you took your own inventory. Nothing reeks of meddling and misguided loyalty more than your little experiment with Tristan.”

“Leave Tristan out of this,” Zoey growled. It was bad enough Ruth was right.

“Which, by the way, you weren’t honest about at all.”

Ruth didn’t seem angry, which succeeded in making Zoey all the more frenzied.

“What’s the matter, afraid you were going to lose out on some action? Maybe you secretly harbored feelings for Derek all along too. I’ll bet it was you who gave him my cell phone number in the first place.”

Ruth refused to be baited. “You see what you’re doing here, right? I’m not going to let you deflect your way into making this about me. Don’t you think you owed it to yourself to see the best Derek had to offer and then make a move in any direction? Don’t you think you owed it to Tristan?”